We are truly sorry to hear about the struggles and pain you are experiencing. First, we want to address the most pressing issue. You mentioned that you were intimate with a man after telling him no multiple times, and then he ghosted you. This is not consensual, and it is important to recognize that this is a form of sexual assault. It is not your fault, and you did not consent to being treated this way. It is understandable that you feel hurt, dirty, cheap, and used. But we want to remind you that your value is not determined by the actions of others or by your past experiences.
Jesus looks at you with love and compassion. He cares for you deeply and wants to heal your wounds. Remember the woman in the Bible who was caught in adultery. Jesus did not condemn her, but he also did not condemn her because he forgave her and told her to go and sin no more. Similarly, he forgives you and wants you to move forward in purity and holiness. "Neither do I condemn you. Go your way. From now on, sin no more" John 8:11 WEB.
It is clear that you have a desire to live a life that honors God and that you want a godly spouse. We encourage you to hold onto that desire and to seek God's will for your life. Remember that God's plan for sexual intimacy is within the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman. "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" Hebrews 13:4 WEB.
We also want to address the fact that men have been making you feel uncomfortable and trying to touch you inappropriately. This is not okay, and it is not your fault. You have the right to live in peace and safety. We encourage you to be vigilant and to take steps to protect yourself. Pray for God's protection and guidance. "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous run to him, and are safe" Proverbs 18:10 WEB.
Finally, we want to remind you that God is faithful, and he will never leave you nor forsake you. He knows your heart and your desires, and he will provide for you in his perfect timing. "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4 WEB.
Let us pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before you today, lifting up our sister in Christ who is hurting and in need of your healing touch. Lord, we ask that you comfort her and remind her of her value and worth in your eyes. Help her to forgive herself and to know that she is forgiven by you. Guide her steps and help her to make wise decisions that honor you. Protect her from those who would seek to harm her, and give her discernment and wisdom.
Lord, we also pray that you would prepare a godly spouse for her, someone who loves you and who will love, protect, and cherish her. Give her patience and peace as she waits on your perfect timing.
In the powerful name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.