Married with beautiful wife and kids and still struggle with lust

[Caleb Carey]

I feel alone broken and many things for the first time ever I directly cursed at god and blamed him for my problems even though it isn't his fault. Im tired of the lustfull thought and wandering eyes and sometimes falling into corn. I kinda just wanna give up and not follow christ anymore I don't know where I'm going with this but I don't know what else to do

 

[Articles]

We hear your honesty and we thank you for bringing this struggle into the light instead of hiding it any longer. We have carried your burden before the Lord with you because you are not alone even though you feel alone and broken. What you are describing is a battle many married men face in silence, and God sees both your love for your beautiful wife and children and the war going on inside your heart.

We want to speak truth to you in love about what you have shared. The lustful thoughts, the wandering eyes, and falling into pornography what you called corn are not harmless struggles. Jesus said in Matt 5:28 that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. God gave marriage as a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman and it is holy in His sight. Lust and pornography are adultery of the heart and they dishonor your wife, your marriage, and the Lord who joined you together. They promise relief but they only feed the flesh and leave you more empty and ashamed. James 1:14-15 tells us that each man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed, then the lust when it has conceived bears sin and the sin when it is full grown brings forth death. We must call this what God calls it so we can turn from it fully.

We also hear that for the first time you directly cursed at God and blamed Him for your problems even though you know it is not His fault, and now you feel like giving up and not following Christ anymore. We rebuke that cursing of God with the love of a brother, because God is not the author of this temptation and He has not abandoned you. Yet we also know God is merciful and slow to anger. When we confess our sins He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness as promised in 1 John 1:9. Even when we are faithless He remains faithful. Your weariness and desire to give up is exactly where the enemy wants you, but giving up will not bring peace, only deeper bondage. God has not given up on you.

You said you are tired and do not know where you are going. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves those who have a crushed spirit in Psalm 34:18. He knows you are weary of fighting in your own strength. The truth is you cannot overcome lust by willpower alone. We must walk by the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh as Gal 5:16 teaches. Jesus was tempted in every way as we are yet without sin, so we can draw near with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and may find grace for help in time of need in Heb 4:15-16. And no temptation has taken you except what is common to man, God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able but will with the temptation also make the way of escape that you may be able to endure it in 1 Cor 10:13.

We encourage you to make a covenant with your eyes as Job did in Job 31:1 and to take radical steps to flee sexual immorality as 1 Cor 6:18 commands us. That means cutting off every source of pornography completely, putting filters and accountability on every device, and bringing this into the light with a mature Christian brother or pastor who can walk with you weekly and ask you hard questions. It means daily feeding your mind with Scripture instead of images, memorizing verses when temptation comes, praying immediately when the wandering thoughts begin, and pursuing your wife in purity and love within your marriage. Do not isolate. Isolation is where lust grows. Stay in fellowship, in the Word, and in prayer even when you do not feel like it.

We are praying together for you now.

Father in Jesus name we lift this husband and father to You. We thank You for his marriage and his children which are gifts from Your hand. We confess with him that lustful thoughts, wandering eyes, and pornography are sin against You and against his wife, and that cursing You was sinful and wrong. We ask You to forgive him completely through the blood of Jesus Christ and to cleanse his conscience. Create in him a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit within him according to Psalm 51:10. Break the power of lust over his mind and give him strength to make a covenant with his eyes and to flee every temptation. Holy Spirit fill him and teach him to walk by the Spirit daily. Comfort him in his brokenness, lift his weariness, and remind him that Your grace is sufficient for him and Your power is made perfect in weakness in 2 Cor 12:9. Restore joy in following Christ, renew his love for his wife, and help him to love her as Christ loved the church. Guard his marriage and his family and make his home a place of purity and peace. Give him brothers who will hold him accountable and do not let him give up. We ask that he would fix his eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, and endure to the end. In the name of Jesus Christ our only hope and our Savior we pray, amen.

We urge you not to give up. God is not tired of you. Bring this to Him every day in repentance and dependence, and He will restore you. If the thoughts return tomorrow, confess them quickly, flee, and run again to the throne of grace. He will give you victory one obedient step at a time.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how heavy and lonely this feels, loving your wife and kids and still battling wandering eyes and lustful thoughts, then falling and feeling broken and ashamed afterward. It makes sense you would feel tired and even angry enough to curse at God, and then carry guilt for saying it. Wanting to give up when you feel stuck does not mean you are beyond help.

You did not surprise God with those words. He sees the exhaustion underneath them, and the fact that you are still reaching out tells us part of you still wants Him, even while following Him feels impossible right now.

One perspective that has helped other men in this same struggle is learning to see change less as trying harder in the moment and more as training over time. Trying relies on willpower and often leaves us feeling defeated when we fail. Training is slower and steadier, small faithful steps with God and with other people, allowing yourself to be a work in progress instead of expecting instant perfection.

You do not need to carry this alone. Would you consider talking honestly this week with one safe person, a pastor, counselor, or mature brother in Christ who can listen without shaming you and walk with you over time? You do not need a perfect plan, just one honest conversation to break the isolation. If porn is part of the pattern, putting some practical boundaries around your phone, computer and alone time can support that step.

Father, we lift our brother to You. You know his love for his family and the weight of these thoughts and temptations, the shame and the anger he has spoken toward You. Hold him when he feels like giving up. Give him courage to reach out, grace to receive Your forgiveness, and strength for the next small step. Draw him close to You and guide him toward wise help and healing. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[CozyHomer]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Azoirpaertown]

Dear Brother, do not give up on your faith in Jesus. He understands. Continue to pray to him sincerely and our Lord whose mercy surpasses all understanding will deliver you. Also pray to God the ‘Our Father prayer’ which the Lord himself gave us and it includes ‘do not lead me into temptation but deliver me from all distress’. What a beautiful prayer. St.Mary of Egypt and St.Augustine of Hippo went through your situation and overcame it with God’s grace. Their intercession in this regard is very strong. You can ask their help. We are interceding for you too. So hang in there, do not lose hope and trust in God’s mercy.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your honest and broken confession has been heard, and I thank you for speaking plainly what many hide in darkness. You say you feel alone, yet in this very struggle you are not alone. Many of the Lord's people have walked this painful way, cast down by wandering eyes and lustful thoughts, and tempted to believe that their sin has put them beyond mercy.

You have cursed God and blamed Him though you know the fault is not His. Do not turn away from this truth, for faith and repentance are twins born together. The faith that truly trusts Christ is never a faith that thinks lightly of sin. If we have sinned with our lips and with our hearts, let us own it before Him without excuse, for He is ready to forgive. The essence of faith is not merely to know that Christ is strong to save, but to drop down into His arms and trust Him to save you even now. He delights in such faith, for faith gives Him a hearty welcome, and Christ highly esteems the sinner who believes in Him.

You are weary of lustful thoughts and of falling into that unclean snare which defiles the mind and wounds your marriage. Know this, that the perseverance which God works in His saints is not by the removal of temptation, but perseverance in holiness. He has said, they shall not depart from me, and He keeps alive the fear of God in our hearts by the hearing of His Word and by watchfulness and prayer. Your marriage covenant with your wife, one man with one woman for life, is honourable before God, and all that draws you away from purity within it is not to be excused but to be fought against with the shield of faith. Faith can quench the fiery darts, whether they come from Satan, from the world, or from your own wicked heart. This is the victory that overcomes the world, even our faith.

You say you want to give up and follow Christ no more. Hear the gentle censure of the Saviour to little faith, O you of little faith, why did you doubt. Why wavering faith in an unwavering promise. Little faith may yet increase exceedingly until it ripens into full assurance. Christ loves great faith and He delights to see it, but He does not cast away little faith. The marriage between your soul and Christ, if it be true, can never be dissolved. The purpose of God secures it, and the effective redemption which Christ has worked out secures it, and the Holy Spirit abiding with us forever secures it. Though you are feeble as a lamb, the promise stands, they shall never perish. He that endures to the end shall be saved, not because his own strength holds him, but because God preserves him and keeps his way.

Therefore do not give up. Turn again to the Lord Jesus Christ, for there is salvation in no other. Confess your sin to Him, seek His cleansing blood, and ask Him for a new heart that loves purity. Be diligent in hearing the Word, for faith comes by hearing. Flee from that which feeds lust, set a guard before your eyes, seek godly fellowship and accountability, and pray without ceasing. When you fall, rise again and look to Christ.

We will pray for you, that the Lord would have mercy upon you, forgive your hard words against Him, cleanse you from all uncleanness, strengthen you to love your beautiful wife and children with a pure and faithful love, and keep you by His power until the day of Christ. He is able to make the righteous hold on his way, and he that has clean hands shall wax stronger and stronger. Look to Him and live.

 

[Chreetel]

Naming what's been pulling at you like that takes real honesty, especially on a day you feel far from everything. There's a short spoken prayer called the Addiction Clearing Prayer on the One Prayer at a Time YouTube channel, prayed over loosening addiction's hold, and you only have to listen. I hope some light starts getting through.

 

[Dan T]

Papa please bless this person with the discipline to make good decisions and stop blaming other people Amen

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.