J
jlwoodford
Guest
My husband wants a divorce. I’m committed to my marriage & want it to work. We have been married for 9 years & have an 8 yr old daughter. He’s having an affair with a co-worker whose husband left her. He denies the affair saying they are close friends only. However there are numerous different things going on that leads me to conclude it is a full blown affair. She has even called me at work, asked me to let him go & has made lewd remarks and noises but I have no proof to provide to my husband of this. To add to the problem, my husband has surrounded himself with people who enable him to behave this way & encourage poor actions/behaviors, including his own mother. Yet another bad influence are the bars he hangs out into the wee hours of the morning. For 3 months now, he goes to the bars 3-4 nights a week till 3:30-4:30 in the morning. Twice now he hasn’t even bothered to come home (with her I believe) & has forgotten to take our daughter to school or pick her up. To add to the problem, my husband has rejected Godly counsel (including from his father, a preacher). He has no Godly men in his life & won’t talk to anyone. He says he still believes in his own way. He says there is no connection, no fire, but won’t allow us to really try either which is frustrating. When we are together he is constantly texting her (over 100 times per day). He says he’s doing the best he can & he can make no promises. We saw a licensed Christian marriage counselor for 6 visits (he won’t go anymore b/c it cost money). I think the counselor got through to him on our final visit somewhat. My husband realized and admitted he is not the man he was. He has done a 180 degree turn & I don't think he is ready to go back to the way he was (he feels life cheated him out of what he deserved & earned, in his mind at least) but I am hoping he will see the light eventually, come around & be somewhere in the middle between who he was and what he has become. I can handle him not being the man he was for 28 plus years but I can't accept the man he is now. I really pray he finds his self. I pray numerous times a day that God opens his eyes to the possibility of reconciliation & opens the eyes of his other woman so she realizes the damage she is truly causing. She is not a woman of God so I don’t think she will do the right thing for him, our family or hers. She is not putting her 2 children first either with her behavior & I pray for them as well. I’m praying often, speaking with my pastor & attending church with my daughter. On the flip side, I know our marriage problems aren’t entirely my husband’s fault. For a long time I blamed myself. I sometimes tell myself, “If only I was more respectful, loving and supportive this never ever would have happened...If I could turn back time....". I fully understand that I did not betray him, cheat him in any way or lie to him. My great sin was miss-communication, not being open about my needs & not being open enough for him to feel he could talk with me about his needs & hurts. I did not respect my husband verbally & through my actions enough to which caused him a deep hurt which is what pushed him to look for someone else who could give him that need. I’ve read and am actively practicing what I have come to learn through several resources, to give him the unconditional respect he needs from me(even when he doesn’t act appropriately). I have apologized directly to him & I am consistently respecting him as he needs & I hope in time while we are taking things slowly (going through our things, fixing up our house & putting it up for sale & becoming financially more stable) that we will reconnect during this time & rebuild our marriage as it should be. I’m trusting that God will see I’m trying to be the wife he wants me to be and I am honoring my vows as I promised and he wants me to do. I am trying my best to walk along side Christ and be more Christ like. I am filling the big hole in my heart & soul with the Lord, bible studies & church. I pray that God will influence my husband & open my husband’s eyes, speak to him & show him the way back to him and back to me. Please pray for our marriage to be restored & recreated in the way God wants for it to be; for my husband to hear & feel God’s love in his thoughts & dreams; for him to see how his actions hurt his family; to bring peace to his soul to help heal his hurt & to rebuild over that hurt positive feelings & a strong foundation based in God, love & respect. For Jennifer, Zach & Emma
