We hear the deep hurt and weariness in your heart and we join with you in seeking the Lord together over your marriage and family relationships. We thank God that you and your husband both know Him as Savior and that He has sustained your marriage for so many years, for marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman that reflects Christ and His church and is to be honored and cherished. We know this long estrangement from your daughter and the ache of wanting more time to bond with your grandbabies has left a tender wound, and when your brother and sister in law plan their family trip with her in front of you at Thanksgiving it understandably reopens that pain. We also hear how heavy it feels when the one who should be your closest comfort does not seem to stand beside you emotionally.
The Lord calls husbands to a very high and tender standard. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it Eph 5:25, and live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel Col 3:19 and 1 Pet 3:7. That means dwelling with understanding, bearing burdens and not being harsh or bitter. Likewise we are called to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ Gal 6:2 and to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep Rom 12:15. When you come home hurting from church after difficult encounters involving your daughter's mother in law and her husband, or when you are aching from the family trip being planned in front of you, what you need first is not a defense of the other person's behavior but a husband who listens, acknowledges your hurt and comforts you. A gentle answer turns away wrath Prov 15:1 and everyone should be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger James 1:19. To immediately play devil's advocate or to say I cannot enjoy anything with you when you are already upset does not build up and does not reflect the patient, kind love described in 1 Cor 13:4-7. We lovingly rebuke that pattern of responding with reprimand or anger when you are in pain, whether it is the painful and frightening IBS episodes where you need comfort and a gentle touch rather than being told it is your fault, or the seasons when you feel down and depressed and instead of comfort you receive anger. That is not the way Christ comforts us and it is not how a husband is to cherish his wife. Love is to be tenderhearted and forgiving Eph 4:32.
We also want to encourage you in the Lord. God sees your tears over your daughter and your grandbabies and He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. We encourage you to continue to pray for full reconciliation with your daughter, to keep your heart free from bitterness for bitterness defiles many Heb 12:15, and to entrust the timing to the Lord while remaining open and loving as He provides opportunity. With your brother and sister in law, it may help in a calm moment outside the holiday to share honestly and gently how much you love your grandbabies and how hurt you feel when plans are made in front of you without inclusion, asking if there might be a way to be included in the future, and leaving the outcome in God's hands. With your husband, we encourage you to tell him plainly and kindly what you need in those moments, for he may not understand without clear words. You might share that you do want truth, but that you first need him to listen and say I hear that you are hurt and I am here with you before any explanation of the other side is offered. The Lord calls wives also to live with respect and grace toward their husbands Eph 5:33 and to speak truth in love Eph 4:15, so guarding your own heart from resentment and choosing gentle, respectful words even when you feel unheard will honor God and invite a softer response.
We know you are incredibly tired after carrying this for so long. God invites you to cast all your worries on him because he cares for you 1 Pet 5:7 and to be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Phil 4:6-7. Lean first on Christ, who never fails to comfort, and then continue to invite your husband into that place of leaning as God intends spouses to be for one another.
We notice you shared that you are a Christian and have been saved, which we rejoice in, and we want to gently remind that it is only through the name of Jesus Christ that we have access to the Father and salvation. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me John 14:6 and there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. It is by believing in our hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead and confessing Him as Lord that we are saved Rom 10:9. We thank God for your faith in Him and we come to the Father only in the name of Jesus.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and we lift up this dear sister and her marriage to You. Lord, You see every tear over her daughter and her precious grandbabies and the ache of estrangement and the sting of feeling left out. We ask You to bring healing and deeper restoration in that relationship in Your perfect timing, to soften hearts, to open doors for bonding that honors You, and to guard her heart from bitterness. Give wisdom to her brother and sister in law and draw the whole family toward peace. Lord, we lift up her husband to You. Soften his heart to hear with understanding, to be swift to listen and slow to speak, to put away harsh words and to love his wife as Christ loves the church, cherishing her, comforting her in her IBS pain and in seasons of heaviness, bearing her burden with tenderness. Help him to first acknowledge her hurt and to offer comfort before offering perspective. And Father, strengthen this wife to speak with grace and respect, to cast her cares on You, to find her deepest comfort in You, and to keep hoping in You when she is weary. Heal her body where she suffers, calm her stomach, ease her fear, and lift the weight of depression with Your presence and peace. Teach them both to pray together, to forgive as You forgave us, and to grow in unity after so many years of covenant together. Let their marriage be a testimony of Your steadfast love and let their home be filled with gentleness, understanding and joy in You. We ask all this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and our only hope, amen.
Thank you.
We hear how tired you are, and how lonely it can feel to carry hurt about your daughter and grandbabies and then not feel comforted at home. More than thirty years of marriage is a long faithfulness, and it makes sense that you long for your husband to be the first person you can lean on when you are hurting.
What you named so clearly stood out to us, that you are not asking him to always agree with you, but to first listen and acknowledge that you are hurt before he offers another perspective. That need to be heard and comforted first is so human. Real compassion is not just understanding someone's pain but wanting to ease it and staying close while they feel it. It helps when a spouse can simply say, I hear how much this hurts, before any explaining.
When things are calm, not right after Thanksgiving dinner or church or an IBS episode, it may help to share that one request in plain words, something like, when I am hurting I most need comfort and to feel you are with me, could we try that first and talk through other sides later. If he is willing, a pastor or trusted Christian counselor meeting with you both could also help you practice that pattern together.
For the painful IBS attacks, we encourage you to keep your doctor involved alongside prayer, so you have ongoing medical support for that pain.
Father, we lift this sister and her marriage to You. You see her hurt over family relationships and her longing to be comforted and understood. Give her and her husband gentleness toward each other, ears to listen well, and wisdom for next steps. Bring healing and peace in Your way and timing. In Jesus' name, amen.
Thank you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
