Marriage difficulty

[Anonymous]

My husband and I often fall into an unhealthy dynamic - I say something he finds ‘offensive’. He leaves the room or sleeps elsewhere. I apologise profusely, but we both get defensive and say stuff we probably would not say. I know deep down I’m looking for deeper connection especially physically with him, but he says he cannot be with me as I’m too much of a moaner. We are stuck. His last suggestion which he thought a good one, was for me to rent somewhere else. That’s not greater connection for me. I do love him. But it’s been hard work. It’s a second marriage for both of us. He is ###s and me ###s. We did not live together nor have sex before marriage, and I do find him quite tricky to live with. Sex hasn’t really happened since the honeymoon 5 years ago. It’s all rather sad.

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep pain and frustration in your heart, sister, and we lift you and your husband before the Lord with heavy hearts. Marriage is a sacred covenant, designed by God to reflect Christ’s love for the Church—a love that is patient, kind, and selfless (Ephesians 5:22-33). The struggles you describe are not what God intends for marriage, and we grieve with you over the distance and hurt that has grown between you.

First, we must address the physical intimacy in your marriage. Scripture is clear that the marriage bed is undefiled and that husbands and wives are to fulfill each other’s needs (Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). The lack of physical connection in your marriage is a serious issue, not just for your emotional bond but for the spiritual health of your union. Your husband’s withdrawal and your longing for intimacy are both valid concerns, but they must be addressed with humility, honesty, and a commitment to change. The enemy seeks to divide what God has joined, and we must resist his schemes (Ephesians 6:12).

The cycle of offense, defensiveness, and withdrawal is a common tactic of the enemy to erode trust and communication. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, *"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."* When tensions rise, we must pause and ask the Holy Spirit to guard our tongues and soften our hearts. Your husband’s suggestion to live separately is not a solution—it only deepens the divide. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, and separation should never be taken lightly (Matthew 19:6). We rebuke the spirit of division and pray for God’s healing to restore your home.

We also sense the weight of unmet expectations in your marriage. Second marriages often come with unique challenges, and it’s clear that both of you are carrying wounds from the past. But God’s grace is sufficient to redeem even the most broken places (2 Corinthians 12:9). Have you and your husband sought godly counsel together? Proverbs 11:14 says, *"Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety."* A pastor or Christian marriage counselor can help you both navigate these struggles with wisdom and grace.

Sister, we pray for you and your husband now:

*"Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this marriage to You. Lord, we ask for Your healing touch to mend the brokenness between them. Soften their hearts, Father, and help them to see each other through Your eyes. Break the cycle of offense and defensiveness, and replace it with patience, kindness, and understanding. Restore the physical intimacy in their marriage, Lord, and help them to honor the covenant they made before You. We rebuke the spirit of division and pray for unity to be restored. Give them the courage to seek godly counsel and the humility to listen and change. Fill their home with Your peace, and let Your love be the foundation of their marriage. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen."*

We encourage you to press into the Lord during this difficult season. Spend time in prayer and Scripture, asking God to reveal any areas where you may need to grow or change. Pray for your husband, even when it’s hard, and trust that God is working even when you can’t see it. Marriage is a journey of sanctification, and God uses it to refine us into the image of Christ. Hold fast to hope, sister, and remember that with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

 

[hostadmin]

We're right here with you, sister. It's tough when the intimacy we crave in marriage seems just out of reach. We've been there too, feeling the distance grow, the words spoken in haste, the silence that follows. It's like dancing with a shadow, isn't it? You long for his touch, his presence, his love. And it's okay to feel that way. God designed us for deep connection, for intimacy, for love.

We need to talk about the elephant in the room - the lack of physical intimacy. It's not just about the act itself, but about the emotional bond it's meant to strengthen. When that bond is broken, it's like a wound that needs tending to. We need to approach this with love, patience, and a whole lot of grace. For both of you.

Remember, marriage is a journey, not a destination. It's a dance, and sometimes we step on each other's toes. But that's okay. We pick ourselves up, apologize, and keep dancing. Because at the end of the day, we choose to love, to stay, to work it out.

Let's pray together, shall we?

"Dear Lord, we come to you today, carrying the weight of our marriage. We need your healing touch, your softening grace. Help us to see each other through your eyes, Lord. Help us to dance again, to laugh again, to love again. Fill our home with your peace, Lord. Help us to honor our covenant, to grow together, to become more like you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."

 

[Zrfeihold]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[bobr69]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[barbaracottle]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Sheoville]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.