MAKE IT OR BREAK IT
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose . . . What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:28, 31
You might have read about our multiple separations prior to our divorce. We had a rocky marriage, almost from the honeymoon. From all of those years of our human attempts at working on our marriage, no period turned out to be make it or break it like Christmas week just before our divorce.
This week there was a plane crash in Miami, killing all 20 people aboard that flight. Within hours of that tragedy, reporters were interviewing a woman who had taken that same flight over 50 times. On the day of the disaster she had missed her plane, due to late Christmas shopping. When a local television station first thrust a camera on her, her eyes were wide and she was speechless. Later she was able to share her story of how she was alive because of one incident that delayed her. I cannot imagine the turn her life will take, after being spared from the same fate that claimed the life of many of her friends and relatives.
On this day, Christmas Eve, I want to share from my heart with a prayer that you might see yourself in this message and avoid the Christmas flight that took down our marriage.
By Christmas, we had been separated for six months. We had both signed our property settlement agreement and were waiting for a January court date and what we both thought was to be our final divorce and the end of our problems.
Looking back now, almost 20 years later, Charlyne and I both see how either of us could have taken one simple action that would have resulted in calling off our divorce. Instead, because of our personal bitterness, hard-heartedness, and revenge, we clung to our boarding passes that would get us on board a divorce.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. . . Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-18, 21
Charlyne and I have shared about these previously, but please allow me to highlight a few Christmas events:
• I had my wedding band melted down and gave it to Charlyne as a Christmas gift.
• She refused my request to be allowed to come home for Christmas dinner.
• I was looking for my wife’s replacement. (I did not know it was Charlyne after God changed her.)
• We made our three children, ages 6 to 16, pawns in our game of selfishness.
• I had my first date with someone else on Christmas Eve.
• Christmas night Charlyne called and offered to deliver Christmas dinner to me, but just before she did, the other woman called. Charlyne’s offer was refused.
By New Year’s Eve, we were on board our flight to divorce. The rest of the Steinkamp story is one or two years of crashing and burning until Jesus came to our help.
Within minutes of that plane crash in Miami, lifeguards on wave runners and surfboards were scouring the area, looking for survivors. That is what my wife and I are attempting to do for your family. Unlike that scene in Miami, there is life and hope and signs of survival and recovery of a marriage all around you. We are not about to give up searching and helping the victims of separation and divorce, but how much better if we can help prevent you from even getting on board the doomed flight of divorce.
This message will be read by both prodigals and standers alike. For that we are grateful, and we have a suggestion, regardless of which group you are in.
If soldiers fighting on both sides of the front lines of World War II can put down their weapons in observance of Christmas, why can’t you? Every Christmas, we hear of prodigals who stop by home out of obligation. They like what they discover there, and simply stay, or start making plans for their return. Many, many, will continue to test the waters to be certain what they are witnessing is for real.
We hear of standers who are led by the Holy Spirit to make some overture of kindness toward their prodigal, and that spark of unconditional love ignites something deep inside a hardened heart.
My friend, here it is one day before Christmas. For scores of marriages, it is make it or break it time. If God leads you to demonstrate love and forgiveness toward someone, do not hesitate out of fear of rejection. Your giving the invitation or showing kindness still hits home with your prodigal, even if your kindness is refused.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
There are two options. (A) You can put down the weapons for Christmas, or (B) you can stand your ground, demanding what is yours, hanging on to the bitterness, anger, and revenge, making your spouse toe the legal mark for Christmas. Now do you suppose option (A) or (B) will bring you closer to restoration?
Your doomed divorce flight is boarding, but if you will linger over Christmas, with the right heart, always looking to the Lord for His help and guidance, you just might miss that flight.
Christmas is a make it or break it time for so many individuals. What about you?
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Minstries, Inc.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose . . . What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:28, 31
You might have read about our multiple separations prior to our divorce. We had a rocky marriage, almost from the honeymoon. From all of those years of our human attempts at working on our marriage, no period turned out to be make it or break it like Christmas week just before our divorce.
This week there was a plane crash in Miami, killing all 20 people aboard that flight. Within hours of that tragedy, reporters were interviewing a woman who had taken that same flight over 50 times. On the day of the disaster she had missed her plane, due to late Christmas shopping. When a local television station first thrust a camera on her, her eyes were wide and she was speechless. Later she was able to share her story of how she was alive because of one incident that delayed her. I cannot imagine the turn her life will take, after being spared from the same fate that claimed the life of many of her friends and relatives.
On this day, Christmas Eve, I want to share from my heart with a prayer that you might see yourself in this message and avoid the Christmas flight that took down our marriage.
By Christmas, we had been separated for six months. We had both signed our property settlement agreement and were waiting for a January court date and what we both thought was to be our final divorce and the end of our problems.
Looking back now, almost 20 years later, Charlyne and I both see how either of us could have taken one simple action that would have resulted in calling off our divorce. Instead, because of our personal bitterness, hard-heartedness, and revenge, we clung to our boarding passes that would get us on board a divorce.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. . . Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-18, 21
Charlyne and I have shared about these previously, but please allow me to highlight a few Christmas events:
• I had my wedding band melted down and gave it to Charlyne as a Christmas gift.
• She refused my request to be allowed to come home for Christmas dinner.
• I was looking for my wife’s replacement. (I did not know it was Charlyne after God changed her.)
• We made our three children, ages 6 to 16, pawns in our game of selfishness.
• I had my first date with someone else on Christmas Eve.
• Christmas night Charlyne called and offered to deliver Christmas dinner to me, but just before she did, the other woman called. Charlyne’s offer was refused.
By New Year’s Eve, we were on board our flight to divorce. The rest of the Steinkamp story is one or two years of crashing and burning until Jesus came to our help.
Within minutes of that plane crash in Miami, lifeguards on wave runners and surfboards were scouring the area, looking for survivors. That is what my wife and I are attempting to do for your family. Unlike that scene in Miami, there is life and hope and signs of survival and recovery of a marriage all around you. We are not about to give up searching and helping the victims of separation and divorce, but how much better if we can help prevent you from even getting on board the doomed flight of divorce.
This message will be read by both prodigals and standers alike. For that we are grateful, and we have a suggestion, regardless of which group you are in.
If soldiers fighting on both sides of the front lines of World War II can put down their weapons in observance of Christmas, why can’t you? Every Christmas, we hear of prodigals who stop by home out of obligation. They like what they discover there, and simply stay, or start making plans for their return. Many, many, will continue to test the waters to be certain what they are witnessing is for real.
We hear of standers who are led by the Holy Spirit to make some overture of kindness toward their prodigal, and that spark of unconditional love ignites something deep inside a hardened heart.
My friend, here it is one day before Christmas. For scores of marriages, it is make it or break it time. If God leads you to demonstrate love and forgiveness toward someone, do not hesitate out of fear of rejection. Your giving the invitation or showing kindness still hits home with your prodigal, even if your kindness is refused.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
There are two options. (A) You can put down the weapons for Christmas, or (B) you can stand your ground, demanding what is yours, hanging on to the bitterness, anger, and revenge, making your spouse toe the legal mark for Christmas. Now do you suppose option (A) or (B) will bring you closer to restoration?
Your doomed divorce flight is boarding, but if you will linger over Christmas, with the right heart, always looking to the Lord for His help and guidance, you just might miss that flight.
Christmas is a make it or break it time for so many individuals. What about you?
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Minstries, Inc.
