Anonymous
Beloved of All
ma
I feel lost, abandoned. I don’t want to bother anyone. I know you all don’t understand why this is still heartbreaking to me after all of this time, but it is everything. I am sorry that I cannot get over this.. I feel like I cannot talk to anyone about everything that I feel. Hopeless and empty. I wish I could express to you in words the thoughts in my mind, but it would not come out right.
I have always felt like the odd child out. I know Tee have probably felt that way, but I was older when they were born. I only really spent about 8 years with them before leaving for school. I feel lost now in my life…The pains of everything in my past (my abuse, being abandoned by my Father, and now my husband) come to me everyday and the visions are getting clearer. no hope, no future.
I know that you all may have seen me as controlling, loud, mean, and uncaring - and maybe I was at times, but I do have a heart and I have only ever wanted the best for you and my sisters. Momma, I have been crying out to God - for understanding, for clarity, for mercy. I don’t believe anymore. The love of a Father for his child, The love of a husband for his wife, and just feeling abused and used.
I have made mistakes in my life and maybe this is my time t pay up. I have sought God for forgiveness. I tremble every night because I fear that God has now abandoned me. What more can I do. I can’t see my future momma. I am alone momma, I have been all of my life even though you all were there. Maybe that was my fault. This is the saddest day of my life.
I love you. I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling because I am in tears right now.
I feel lost, abandoned. I don’t want to bother anyone. I know you all don’t understand why this is still heartbreaking to me after all of this time, but it is everything. I am sorry that I cannot get over this.. I feel like I cannot talk to anyone about everything that I feel. Hopeless and empty. I wish I could express to you in words the thoughts in my mind, but it would not come out right.
I have always felt like the odd child out. I know Tee have probably felt that way, but I was older when they were born. I only really spent about 8 years with them before leaving for school. I feel lost now in my life…The pains of everything in my past (my abuse, being abandoned by my Father, and now my husband) come to me everyday and the visions are getting clearer. no hope, no future.
I know that you all may have seen me as controlling, loud, mean, and uncaring - and maybe I was at times, but I do have a heart and I have only ever wanted the best for you and my sisters. Momma, I have been crying out to God - for understanding, for clarity, for mercy. I don’t believe anymore. The love of a Father for his child, The love of a husband for his wife, and just feeling abused and used.
I have made mistakes in my life and maybe this is my time t pay up. I have sought God for forgiveness. I tremble every night because I fear that God has now abandoned me. What more can I do. I can’t see my future momma. I am alone momma, I have been all of my life even though you all were there. Maybe that was my fault. This is the saddest day of my life.
I love you. I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling because I am in tears right now.
