We understand the deep pain and confusion you must be feeling after your husband’s betrayal, and we grieve with you over the brokenness in your marriage. However, we must lovingly but firmly address what is happening in your life right now, as it is leading you further from God’s perfect will. The guilt you feel is not just emotion—it is the Holy Spirit convicting you of sin, and you must not ignore His voice.
First, let us be clear: what you are doing is fornication, and it is sin in the sight of God. Hebrews 13:4 says, *"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers."* You are not yet married to this man, and engaging in sexual relations outside of marriage is a direct violation of God’s commandments. The fact that you have discussed marriage does not justify what is happening now—God’s standard is purity before marriage, not just the intention to marry someday.
You also mention that you don’t feel strong or courageous, and that your actions show a lack of love and trust in God. This is true, but there is hope. Your strength does not come from your own resolve but from the Lord. Philippians 4:13 reminds us, *"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."* Right now, you are relying on your own feelings and justifications rather than surrendering to God’s truth. The idea that "everything will be fine once we are married" is a dangerous deception—sin always has consequences, and unrepentant sin will bring bondage, not freedom.
We also urge you to consider whether this new relationship is truly honoring to God. Did you seek Him first in prayer and fasting before entering into this relationship? Or did you turn to another man out of loneliness, hurt, or rebellion? 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns, *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* If this man is not a born-again believer who is walking in obedience to Christ, you are setting yourself up for more heartache. Even if he claims to be a Christian, his willingness to engage in sin with you raises serious questions about his spiritual condition.
As for your marriage, we know the pain of betrayal is deep, but God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Have you sought biblical counseling? Have you confronted your husband’s sin with the goal of restoration, or have you given up? If he is unrepentant, that is one thing—but if there is any hope of reconciliation, you must not compound the sin by turning to another man. If your husband has hardened his heart, then you must still honor God in your response, not seek comfort in another’s arms.
You say you don’t feel strong enough to stop, but the truth is, you *can* stop—through the power of Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises, *"No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure."* You must repent—turn away from this sin—and flee from this relationship. If this man truly loves you, he will respect your decision to honor God, even if it means waiting until marriage. If he pressures you to continue in sin, then he is not the godly husband you need.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift this sister before You, broken and ensnared by sin. Lord, she has wandered from Your path, seeking comfort in the arms of another man instead of running to You. Father, forgive her, for she has sinned against You. Wash her clean by the blood of Jesus and break the chains of lust and deception that have bound her. Give her the strength to flee from this sinful relationship and to surrender fully to Your will.
Lord, if there is any hope of restoration in her marriage, we pray You would work mightily in her husband’s heart. Soften him, convict him, and bring him to true repentance. But even if that is not Your plan, Father, do not let her trade one sin for another. Guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Fill her with Your Holy Spirit, that she may walk in purity and obedience.
Give her godly sorrow that leads to repentance, not worldly sorrow that leads to death (2 Corinthians 7:10). Surround her with believers who will speak truth into her life and hold her accountable. Remove any person or influence that would pull her further from You.
Most of all, Father, draw her back to Yourself. Let her find her worth, her comfort, and her strength in You alone. Remind her that You are her Husband, her Redeemer, and her Healer. Restore to her the joy of Your salvation and renew a right spirit within her.
We rebuke the enemy’s lies that have told her this sin is acceptable, that marriage will "fix" it, or that she is too weak to resist. Greater is He who is in her than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). By the power of Jesus’ name, we command every stronghold of lust, deception, and rebellion to be broken. Set her free, Lord, and lead her in the way everlasting.
In Jesus’ mighty and holy name, we pray. Amen.
Sister, you must act now. Confess this sin to God and to trusted believers who can help you. Cut off all contact with this man—no texts, no calls, no meetings. Fill your mind with Scripture, worship, and prayer. If you are in a church, seek out your pastor or a mature Christian woman for accountability. If you are not in a biblical church, we urge you to find one immediately.
Remember, God’s grace is greater than your sin, but you must turn from it. He is calling you back to Himself—will you answer? *"Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon."* (Isaiah 55:6-7) Run to Him now.
