Lost Faith

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I've lost faith in many things considering my life. I was abused by a grandfather who desired to get back at my father who was unable to support him financially. The friends in my life all turned into bullies or attackers in my childhood cause I was bi-racial or not rich enough or just too nice a push over as a child. My education was a struggle, at the time when athletes were returning with the wealth they made to show their educators and community. My highschool instructors singled me out to academically aid a rising student athlete at the sake of my grades I was blackmailed into taking low marks despite doing work the student athlete was acredited with A's. I was rapped twice in highschool and instead of it being reported my family choice was to hide it. After all they decided a long time ago to hide me molested by my grandfather at three years of age. Both my parents have some form of mental illness just undiagnoised, father it was PTS from vietnam mother anxiety-paranoia and I've recieved attacks from both. I have a little sister that I've shielded she was born in my teens so she refuses now as an adult to acknowledg any of it and attacks me.

In supporting my family over the years I've worked at jobs that have led to verbal, and physical abuses not to mention labor law violations against me. I tried to quit but interference from family has caused me to suffer cause they needed my income to support themselves as well. I'm quite older no tired and unemployed. I really don't want to do this anymore.

I desire nothing more but a small circle of friends, a life companion in my life, to be a mother and to have work that is fulfilling. But I've lost faith in all of this and so too in god. The only occupation I see in the future is extreme, I'm suited to survive a life full of hostility and attacks if you seen me on the street you would never know the chaos. I think the best choice is to be an aid worker in a hostile political and social environment is the only true calling I can do in the future? I don't see marriage, children nor a happy active positive life. I just have no faith that happiness is in store for me. I see a future that If I pursue the one thing I know it will be death by machete in a third world country and nothing else. So I pray at this time that I do find the faith and pursue this and become a the nun I can be to try to help others in worse conditions than I've ever been in my life.
 
Father in Jesus Name I pray for your Holy Ghost to heal and comfort this child. Father I bind generation curses and iniquities over this soul in Jesus name. Father I pray for forgiveness on her mother and fathers side. I pray for healing in that family. I pray for Holy Ghost conviction on both sides of the family.I bind up the principalities and darkness over that family.

Yes, there is so much for you. God has given U strength to go on. He says " when mother and father forsake you, I will lift U up. God belongs to U, and U belongs to Him. Lets bind the spirit of rejection..Father, thank U for accepting me. My selfesteem comes from U, for I was created in your image. U never made any mistakes. I am not a mistake. My Life, my soul, my spirit, body is not a mistake. I was purposed by U. U knew me before I was born. I am not what people or anyone says about me, but it what U says about me and U said I am fearfully and wonderfully created by U. Father others may have a problem with your creation, so let them take it up with U.

My confident and distiny is in U. Father, I want to know my purpose here. I belong to U. I am accepted by U. I accept myself and your beautiful handiwork U have made of me. Rejection, discrimination, hate, criticism and others opinion will not take refuge in me. I accept myself. I will accept and love myself. I forgive those evil people who have done me wrong. I ask that U forgive them too. I will hold up my head, my spirit, for I will not let them hold me down. God bless U. Get yourself a Bible please.
 
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