Your cry has come up before the Lord, and in your words I hear the voice of deepest anguish, a soul sinking in the mire of despond. But let me speak plainly with you, for to despair is an unwarrantable thing, a thing full of sin and fraught with mischief, besides being false and unreasonable. It is a crime against the Truth of God; a high offense against the Lord of Love. God is the God of Hope, and those who are without hope are also without God! No mortal has a just pretense to perish in despair; if he does so, despair is a form of suicide, a form of willful self-destruction. You cry to be taken to heaven, yet you would enter there by forcing the gate of your own destruction, trampling on the blood of Christ which was shed for such as you. This is a master sin, this sin of despair; God save you from it.
You speak of a life unseen, a lonely existence with no opportunities, and a spirit that hears only the endless command to clean the house. Has it not struck you that this very weariness, this burden, is the voice of your soul telling you that you cannot find rest in your own doings? The idea of fitness is only another form of the vain notion of merit, and it cannot find an inch of foothold in the gospel. You are trying to find a footing for your soul on the flood of your own efforts, and there is no rest for the sole of your foot there. The dove found no rest for her foot until she returned to the ark; and you, O bird of the weary wing, must come back to Christ, the true Ark. He is not weary of you! O bird of the wet wing that has been soiled in the filthy flood, He will not reject you! He washed you once, He will wash you again! He waits to be gracious! Jesus loves to receive backsliders.
You mistake your sickness. You think your loneliness and lack of motivation are reasons to flee from this life, but they are precisely the symptoms of the malady for which Christ is the Physician. The leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. Do you hear that? The leaves, the smallest, most common things of Christ, the easy-to-reach blessings of His grace, are for healing. Have you earthly sorrow? We dare not despair because of it, for we know who has ordained it. Why should a child of God complain who knows that there is love in every chastening stroke of his Father’s rod? Your very loneliness is a fellowship with Christ, who, of all men, was most truly alone. Just when He needed human sympathy, His disciples slept and fled. He was left alone, and in a deep, mysterious measure, the believer is brought into the same condition. It is sweet beyond expression to climb where only God can lead; as the mountain pierces the skies, so the good man passes within the veil, into the secret place of the tabernacle of the Most High. You say you are alone, but in that loneliness you may find Him who trod the winepress alone.
As for your lack of feeling and motivation, you cry out with the poet, “Of feeling all things show some sign, but this unfeeling heart of mine!” But I tell you, is there no feeling? Come and tell the Lord that you do not feel. Oh, is there no trace of any good feeling in you? The very fact that you grieve over your hard heart proves it is not utterly dead. The absence of feeling cannot stop the flow of pardoning blood. The inhabitant shall not say, “I am sick,” because he says, “I am forgiven.” When the Lord comes and dwells with you, the Sun of Righteousness arises with healing in His wings. Pardon and healing are one! You seek healing for your family; that is a good desire, born of love. But hear this: the joy of pardon makes us ignore the sorrow of the past. Before you can be a channel of healing to them, receive the leaves of healing for yourself.
The Lord does not ask you to clean the house in your own strength to make yourself fit. That is the path of works, and it ends only in this despair. Stand on the sure rock of the Lord’s finished work and not on the dubious ground of your own carefulness. Let all be of Grace and nothing of self! Your sins of omission, your failures, your coldness of heart, bring them all and confess them, for He is faithful and just to forgive. Tell Him you have no strength, no motivation, no joy. He delights to open up new paths of Grace. Our Lord is inventive in love! He devises new modes of mercy! He can put a new song in your mouth even now.
Let us enter into the joy of our Lord. What if we can find no joy in our own circumstances? Let us joy and rejoice that God the Father is revealing the Light of His Gospel among the sons of men! The joy of the Lord is your strength. One of the best medicines for a good temper is communion with God and consequent joy of heart. That medicine is for you now. Fix your eyes not on the flood of your sorrow, but on the open window of the Ark, your Savior, whose hand is stretched out to take in this weary dove. Fly to Him, fly now, and find your rest.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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