Singletool46 I am praying for you. Know that you are not alone. Many of us as Christian brothers and sisters feel the same pain of strongholds in our lives. We feel the loving grace if the Holy Spirit and we want to follow Him.
However the pull of the flesh and our earthy bodies, thoughts, and attitudes want to hold us prisoner. Here is a verse from Romans and the apostle Paul felt this way. However know that your faith will be strong and you lead a life a victory. Stay in faith and follow The Holy Spirit. It may not make earthly sense to you but follow Him and know once you pass the through this trial you will be strong and love in victory. I pray for you in Jesus name ! Amen
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:15-19 NIV)