Anonymous
Beloved of All
Habitually excluding recognition for being there for my friend but including all others was my reason to leave a friendship. This made me feel like I didn't belong in this person's life. Missing my birthday hurt but the anvil that broke my back was what a joke she thought it was that my feelings were hurt by it. Maybe she didn't mean it the way she said it and my reaction was wrong but it wasn't but a trigger point in the end. I was just looking for a belated acknowledgement. Instead an "I'm too busy for you" excused her, so I excused myself from the relationship. I couldn't imagine this being painful to anybody but me because she didn't seem to care. Everyone in the whole world is busy, which is why we carve out time specifically for the people we love. It’s important, and it’s necessary. Prioritize the people who prioritize you. She did at one time and it was an amazing display of what seemed full of love and sacrifice towards me. I didn't expect it to stay at that level and was extremely grateful she did. Why did she do it then? Was my gestures to return the favor by defending her disgust her? Was it my role to be the one in debt to her always? She's angry for leaving and lets me know about it. I loved her for who I thought she was. I'm hoping what I loved about her is still inside of her. I really can't say if the whole experience was real or not. I cry out to God about it because it tears me up inside. This is a person I always put up at the top of my favorite people. Well, either way this is destroying me. I don't know if this person is sparing with me, fighting with me to see if I care and really wants to work this out or truly is disgusted with me. I don't know if she hates me and loves herself or hates herself and cares for me as friends. I understand a lot but I don't have God's understanding but need it so bad. If I'm hated and disgust her why bother with me? God is in control of this thing. I can ask him to fix it but ultimately it's up to the other person. Trying to persuade me to feel guilt isn't going to work but if You feel I've done something tell it to God. He will convince me if he needs to. If You're looking for revenge for what? Having feelings? I really miss You but I'm not going to do this anymore. I fought for something to work out for months and I'm not made of steel inside. I'm not going to open these wounds again.
