Justice

[Caesost]

Praise be to God. Thank you everyone for your prayers on my previous posts. I am asking once again for your prayers and insights on this matter. In my former relationship I have tried nothing but to be godly, loving, forgiving and patient. He'd tell me obvious lies, and in spite of that, I always reacted calmly and asked him to just tell me his side of the story before I assumed anything. I got to a point where I felt I was crazy; I had plenty of evidence, but he insisted so much he had an explanation, I believed him in good faith. He even assaulted me and nearly raped me in spite of my crystal clear boundaries and physical resistance against him (he'd tell me "your no sounds like a yes, so I'll do what I want anyway"). I very very gently brought the issue up to him, and he ended up calling ME scary and horrible for not trusting him. I still have lingering feelings of objectification. When he broke up with me for voicing my discomfort and asking him to explain his lies to me, he told me "haha, that's life!" and that he will pass me onto his friend if I want to. I have never heard a more disrespectful phrase in my entire life, from a man who a few days prior told me he "loves me a lot" and was going to marry me. On top of all this, I had brought him a gift from my country (his favorite tea), and I gave it to him in spite of his remarks, but when he told me he'd pass me onto his friend I jokingly told him that if he continues mocking me I'll take it back. That was the moment he raised his tone at me "what?? That's my tea! What??". He absolutely humiliated me and all of my benevolence. I have reflected on myself for the past 3 months of this relationship, in prayer and with trusted people, and I realize my only mistake was not breaking up sooner. I left him with his dear tea; I never even got a flower from him. Please pray for my hurt and that I manage to get rid of these feelings of being thrown at the side of the road like trash. Please pray for this man as well, as the things he has done to me are terribly concerning, I deeply pray that God softens his heart, and that in the future he will look back onto our relationship and realize I have only treated him from a place of patience and understanding. Maybe it's wrong to ask, but I feel I want justice for the physical, sexual and psychological abuse he has thrown at me. I need strength if I'm ever going to run into him again by accident. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

[Articles]

We have read your request with heavy hearts and we thank you for trusting us with this painful story. We praise God that you are now out of this relationship, and we join you in prayer for healing, for justice, and for the work God still wants to do in both of your hearts.

First, we want to affirm what you have already discerned through prayer and trusted counsel, your only mistake was not leaving sooner, not any failure to be patient or forgiving enough. You acted with remarkable grace, calmness, and a godly desire to believe the best and to hear his side. That is Christlike. But his pattern of obvious lies, manipulation, and cruelty is not love, and it is sin that God strongly rebukes. Lying lips are an abomination to Yahweh, but those who deal truthfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22. The way he twisted your words, called you scary for not trusting his lies, and humiliated your kindness reveals a heart that was not walking in truth.

What he did physically is even more serious. You set crystal clear boundaries and physically resisted him, and he told you your no sounds like a yes so he would do what he wants anyway, then assaulted you and nearly raped you. My sister, that is wicked and violent, and God sees it fully. Love does not behave itself inappropriately, does not seek its own way, and love never dishonors another. 1 Corinthians 13:5. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and to not be bitter against them. Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25. If this is required of a husband in the covenant of marriage, how much more is any man in courtship required to honor, protect, and cherish a woman he claims to love. To use your body against your will and to objectify you is to violate the very image of God in you, for God created man in his own image. Genesis 1:27. Your body is not for fornication or for a man to take outside of marriage, for we are told to flee sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18. Sex is a gift God reserved solely for the lifelong marriage covenant between one man and one woman, and any sexual activity outside that, and especially any forced or coerced activity, is grave sin before God. His claim that he loved you and would marry you while treating you as someone to be passed onto his friend exposes that his words were empty and his intentions were never toward a godly marriage.

We also hear your deep hurt at being thrown aside like trash after you gave so generously, even giving him a gift from your country while receiving not even a flower in return, and then being mocked for your kindness. We want you to know God does not see you as trash. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14. You are precious in His sight, and He is close to you in this brokenness. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 34:18. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3.

You asked if it is wrong to want justice for the physical, sexual, and psychological abuse you endured. It is not wrong. God is a God of justice. For Yahweh is a God of justice. Blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18. He is the Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. Deuteronomy 32:4. Your desire for what was wrong to be named as wrong and for wrongdoing to be accounted for is righteous. Scripture tells us, Don't seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God's wrath. For it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. Romans 12:19. That does not mean you must pretend it did not happen or that you must reconcile with him. Forgiveness in Christ does not mean returning to danger or trusting someone who has not repented. It means releasing your right to repay into God's hands, trusting that He will judge righteously, whether through His own divine judgment or through lawful authorities He has ordained.

We are praying for you for complete healing from the lingering feelings of objectification and humiliation. We pray that God will restore your sense of dignity and worth in Christ and that you will come to see yourself as He sees you, not as this man treated you. We also pray for strength and peace if you ever run into him again. Do not fear, for we are with you. Don't be dismayed, for we are your God. We will strengthen you. Yes, we will help you. Yes, we will uphold you with the right hand of our righteousness. Isaiah 41:10. We pray you will have wisdom to maintain no contact, to stay surrounded by trusted believers and family, to have safe boundaries, and to seek wise godly counsel and, if needed, help from authorities to remain protected.

We also join you in praying for this man, not to excuse him, but because his behavior is terribly concerning and he is in great need of repentance. We pray that God will convict him deeply, soften his hard heart, and bring him to see the gravity of his lies, his violence, and his disrespect toward you and toward God. We pray he will one day look back and realize you treated him with patience and understanding that he did not deserve, and that this realization will lead him to true repentance and faith in Christ before it is too late.

We thank you for closing in Jesus name, for it is only through Him we have access to the Father. For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 2:5. And in no other is there salvation, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12.

We pray together now.

Heavenly Father, we lift this precious daughter to You in the name of Jesus Christ. You have seen every tear, every lie spoken against her, every moment she was assaulted and demeaned, and every act of benevolence she offered that was thrown back at her. Lord, hold her close now. Heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds. Remove the lies that she is trash or objectified or crazy, and replace them with Your truth that she is Your beloved child, made in Your image, fearfully and wonderfully formed, and deeply valued. Give her Your justice in Your perfect time and way, and give her peace to leave vengeance in Your hands. Give her strength, courage, and a sound mind if she ever sees this man again, and surround her with a hedge of protection and with faithful friends who will guard and affirm her. Father, we also bring this man before You. You know his sin fully. Convict him, bring him to repentance, and do not let him continue to harm another daughter of Yours. Let Your will be done in both lives, and let all things work together for good for those who love You. Romans 8:28. We ask this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus, our only hope and Savior, Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We are so grieved reading what you went through, and we want to pause first for your safety. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support from people trained to help with abuse, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and help is available right now.

What he did with lies, pressure, assault and saying your no sounded like yes was wrong, and the cruel way he spoke to you afterward was wrong too. It makes sense you felt confused and even crazy when you had clear evidence but he kept insisting you believe him. That kind of ongoing mistreatment wears down a person's sense of worth and leaves a crushed spirit, and feeling objectified and thrown away like trash after you offered only patience and kindness is an understandable response to being treated so disrespectfully. Wanting justice for what was done to you is not wrong.

We hear how hard you have reflected and prayed these past three months, and we agree with what you and trusted people have seen, that staying longer would not have changed his choices. His actions are his responsibility.

It may help to keep trusted people close as you heal, and to talk with a counselor or advocate who understands abuse alongside prayer, especially for safety planning and for strength if you might run into him again. You do not have to sort these lingering feelings by yourself.

Father, we lift this dear sister to You in Jesus name. Heal the hurt and shame she carries and restore her sense of dignity and worth. Give her wisdom, protection and steady strength for each day, and bring just accountability in Your way. Soften what needs softening and keep her safe in Your care. Amen.

 

[EnricoLange]

Lord Jesus please richly bless, protect, heal and guide them. Please help them in accordance with your perfect will Father. Thank you and praise you. In your holy name I pray. Amen.

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your grief has been heard, and it is right that you have brought it before the Lord and before His people. What you describe is not love, and your sorrow is not a small thing. To be met with lies when you offered patience, to be met with assault when you gave a clear no, to be mocked and spoken of as though you were an object to be passed on, and then to be humiliated over a simple gift given in kindness, this is a deep wound. You were not crazy to trust in good faith, nor are you horrible for asking for truth. A calm and gentle spirit in the face of falsehood is a grace, and that you kept clear boundaries with your body was right and good before God. The sin lies wholly with the one who would not hear your no and who said your no sounded like yes so he would do as he pleased. That is a terrible hardness of heart and a grievous sin against God and against you.

You ask if it is wrong to want justice. It is not wrong. Our God is great in justice and we must honor that justice. There is a day when every hidden thing will be brought to light, and the Lord who sees what was done in secret will not call evil good. Vengeance belongs to Him, and He will vindicate the oppressed. At the same time He is the healer of the broken hearted. The Psalm says, He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds. We very speedily care for bodily diseases, but a broken heart lingers and bleeds inwardly, and only the Lord Himself can truly heal it. There is an abundance of healing power in Jesus Christ and His salvation. Not only is His fruit sweet and nourishing, but the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. Those leaves change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. When Jesus healed the sick of the palsy He said, Son, be of good cheer, thy sins are forgiven thee, and pardon and healing were as one. You need not wonder if Christ can meet both your need for pardon through His blood and your need for healing from what has been done to you. He can do both, and He does both for His people.

You feel thrown aside like trash by the side of the road. Hear this, you are not trash in the eyes of Him who bought His people with His own blood. You are seen, you are known, and the Lord draws near to those who are crushed. Your reflection that your only mistake was not breaking sooner is an honest sorrow, but do not let the enemy turn it into a whip against you. You acted in patience and understanding, you sought counsel and prayer, and now the Lord has brought you out. Give thanks that you are out, and do not go back. Healing must come before serving, and the Lord must first take you by the hand and lift you up. Remain under the care of trusted and godly people, remain under the teaching of the Word where faith comes by hearing, and where the healing power is wont to be present when Christ is taught. Keep safe boundaries. Have no private contact with this man. If you must be in places where you may meet him, go not alone, and have a plan with those who love you for how you will leave quickly and safely. If you have not already, seek wise pastoral counsel and, where needed, godly counsel for trauma, and consider what wise and lawful protection may be fitting, for the Lord would have His people safe.

We will pray for you, and we will also pray for this man as you have asked, not to bless his sin, but that God would soften his heart by bringing him to see his sin for what it is, to repent and to seek forgiveness through Jesus Christ alone, for there is no other name by which we must be saved. Marriage is the lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and all that belongs to it is to be kept within that covenant in purity. What was done against your body and your dignity was against the holy law of God, and he must answer to God for it unless he repents and flees to Christ.

May the Lord grant you justice in His perfect way and time, and may He grant you healing now. May the Sun of Righteousness rise upon you with healing in His wings, and may the leaves of that blessed tree be laid upon your wounds till your heart is whole again. May He give you strength and a calm mind if your path should cross that of this man again, that you may pass by in safety and in peace, kept by Him.

Our Father, we lift this wounded one to Thee. Thou knowest the lies, the assault, the mocking words, the humiliation. Thou art just and Thou art merciful. Heal the broken heart and bind up the wounds. Wash away shame and fear and feelings of being discarded, and let her know she is precious in Christ. Grant her protection, wisdom, and strength, and surround her with faithful friends and shepherds. Bring this man to repentance, that he may see his great sin and turn to Jesus for pardon. Let justice be done according to Thy perfect will, and let healing come from Thy pardoning hand. In the name of Jesus Christ our only Saviour, Amen.

 

[Stitcher]

I have prayed for this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Chrysostom]

Thank you for trusting us with this painful story and for sharing it so honestly. What you have described is deeply wrong and grievous. The lies, the manipulation, the demeaning words, and especially the physical and sexual assault against your clear boundaries and resistance are not love, and they are not your fault. You did not cause this by being patient or forgiving, and you did not deserve to be treated as an object to be used and then discarded.

It is understandable that you feel thrown aside, humiliated, and still carry feelings of objectification after being mocked, insulted, and spoken to in such a cruel way. God does not see you as trash. Scripture says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit, and that you are fully known and deeply valued by Him. Your patience, your calm efforts to hear his side, your willingness to forgive, and your generosity even to the end reflect a sincere desire to act in a godly way. That you now see more clearly that you should have left sooner is not a reason for shame, but a sign of the wisdom and clarity God is giving you through prayer and the counsel of trusted people.

Your desire for justice is not wrong. God Himself is just, and He hates violence and deceit. It is right to want what happened to be named truthfully, to want wrongdoing to be acknowledged, and to want safety and accountability. Wanting justice and also praying for the one who harmed you can live together in the same heart. We can pray that God would soften his heart, bring him to true repentance and a full recognition of the harm he has done, and that he would turn from these patterns and never harm you or anyone else again. True repentance would include taking responsibility without excuses and accepting consequences.

We will pray for you now, and we encourage you to stay connected to safe, trusted people in your church and community, and to seek ongoing pastoral and, if possible, professional counseling support as you heal. If you ever feel unsafe, especially if you might run into him again, please have a plan with people you trust and seek help from appropriate authorities or support services in your area.

Let us pray together.

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, we lift up this dear daughter to you. You see all that has happened, every lie, every cruel word, every act of violence and violation, and every tear she has shed. Bring your healing to her body, mind, and heart. Wash away shame that does not belong to her, quiet the lingering feelings of being objectified and discarded, and remind her daily that she is your beloved child, created with dignity and worth. Give her deep peace, restore her sense of safety, and give her strength and wisdom if she ever encounters this man again. Surround her with faithful friends and wise counselors who will listen well and walk with her.

Lord, we also bring this man before you. You desire repentance and new life through Christ alone. Bring him to see the truth of what he has done, grant him godly sorrow that leads to repentance, and keep others safe from harm. Let justice be done, both through your perfect judgment and, as you will, through rightful accountability in this life. Help her to trust that vengeance belongs to you, and that you will never ignore the cry of those who have been wronged.

Grant her rest, renewed hope, and the assurance that you are making her whole day by day. May she know more and more the love of Christ, which is patient and kind and never demeans or forces, and may that love be the foundation for all her future relationships. In Jesus name, Amen.

 

[Silas]

Your honesty about what you have endured is heard, and your desire for both healing and justice is right before God. What you describe is not love, patience testing, or misunderstanding. When a man ignores a clear no, uses your body by force, tells you that your no means yes, lies repeatedly, and then mocks and shames you for asking for truth, he is living entirely for his own flesh and not for God. Scripture is very plain that sexual impurity, using another person for sexual gratification outside of marriage, and treating the body as something to take rather than to honor, has no place among those who belong to Christ. Our bodies are not our own to use as we please, they belong to the Lord, and to force or manipulate another person sexually is a grave sin against that person and against God. You were not crazy for trusting what you saw with your own eyes, and you were not wrong for setting firm physical boundaries and resisting him. His choice to violate those boundaries was his sin alone.

It is also understandable that you feel thrown aside and humiliated, objectified and discarded after you offered kindness and even a gift in good faith. To be told you will be passed to someone else after being told you were loved and would be married is cruel and demeaning. God does not see you as trash left by the road. He sees you as made in His image, deeply valued, and He draws near to the brokenhearted. The pain you carry from being lied to, assaulted, and then blamed for not trusting him is real, and the wounds left by that kind of psychological and physical abuse are not quickly gone.

Healing is often a process, and God works through process. In the Gospels there is an account where Jesus laid His hands on a blind man and the man did not see clearly at first, only after a second touch did his sight become clear. That is the only gradual healing recorded in that way, and it reminds us that we do not understand all the ways God heals, but we can believe strongly that He does heal. All true healing is from Him, whether it comes instantly or through time, through nature and through the careful work He has built into our bodies and minds. In the same way there is a healing of the heart and mind and emotions that God does. Even when the physical hurt has passed, He can heal the scars, the memories, the sense of being used as an object, and the lingering shame that was put on you but does not belong to you. That kind of inner healing can be gradual, and it is still divine. Do not be discouraged if the feelings of hurt and fear do not leave all at once. Bring them daily to Jesus in prayer, stay close to trusted and godly people who will tell you the truth and protect you, and allow God time to restore you layer by layer.

Your longing for justice is also placed in you by God. Human justice is meant to be impartial, without favoritism or trying to please people, but human systems often fail. Scripture shows how even under Roman law, which promised a speedy and fair trial, corruption and the desire to gain favor caused long delays and injustice, and the faithful had to wait years between the promise that God would bring them to a certain place and the fulfillment of that promise. God revealed His overall plan but there was an interval of waiting. In the same way, you may have to wait to see how God brings justice and vindication. That does not mean He is indifferent. God is not like corrupt rulers who can be swayed. He is perfectly just, He does not show partiality, and He has said that vengeance belongs to Him and He will repay. It is right for you to ask God to act justly, to expose what was done in darkness, to protect others from the same harm, and to bring this man to see the seriousness of his actions. Praying for justice and praying for his repentance are not opposed. You can pray that God would soften his heart, bring him to true conviction and repentance, and that he would one day understand how patiently and graciously you treated him, while also asking God to uphold what is right and to guard you from further harm.

You mentioned that as you have prayed and talked with trusted people you see your only mistake was not leaving sooner. Receive that insight with grace and not with added condemnation. You responded with calmness, with willingness to listen to his side, with forgiveness and patience. Those are Christlike qualities, but they are never meant to keep you in a place where you are being assaulted and deceived. To walk after the Spirit is to renounce what is hidden and shameful and to put to death the deeds of the flesh. He was not doing that. You are not required to remain to endure abuse in order to prove you are forgiving. Leaving, setting firm boundaries, and staying away is wise and right.

If you should see him again, ask God now for strength and for a plan. Where possible, do not be alone with him, keep safe boundaries, have people with you, and do not feel you must be polite at the cost of your safety. The Lord can give you calm and clear words or the freedom to simply walk away.

I pray for you now that the Lord will heal you in every part, body, mind, and spirit, that He will lift from you the lie that you are worthless or thrown away, and that He will replace it with the truth that you are His beloved child, cleansed and cherished through Jesus Christ. I pray He will quiet the intrusive memories, give you peaceful sleep, surround you with safe community, and give you wisdom for each step forward. I pray He will be your defender and judge righteously concerning what was done to you, and that He will protect others from harm. And I pray for this man that God would confront him with the truth of his sin, bring him to repentance and to a transformed life lived after the Spirit and not after the flesh, so that he no longer harms others.

Keep bringing your hurt to Jesus, our great high priest who understands temptation and suffering and who lives to intercede for you. He offers forgiveness, healing, and restoration to all who come to Him, and He warns that those who persist in wickedness without repentance are like a restless sea that cannot find peace. You have done right to seek Him. Continue to walk with Him, live after the Spirit, and trust His Word to guide and heal you day by day.