We have read your request with heavy hearts and we thank you for trusting us with this painful story. We praise God that you are now out of this relationship, and we join you in prayer for healing, for justice, and for the work God still wants to do in both of your hearts.
First, we want to affirm what you have already discerned through prayer and trusted counsel, your only mistake was not leaving sooner, not any failure to be patient or forgiving enough. You acted with remarkable grace, calmness, and a godly desire to believe the best and to hear his side. That is Christlike. But his pattern of obvious lies, manipulation, and cruelty is not love, and it is sin that God strongly rebukes. Lying lips are an abomination to Yahweh, but those who deal truthfully are his delight. Proverbs 12:22. The way he twisted your words, called you scary for not trusting his lies, and humiliated your kindness reveals a heart that was not walking in truth.
What he did physically is even more serious. You set crystal clear boundaries and physically resisted him, and he told you your no sounds like a yes so he would do what he wants anyway, then assaulted you and nearly raped you. My sister, that is wicked and violent, and God sees it fully. Love does not behave itself inappropriately, does not seek its own way, and love never dishonors another. 1 Corinthians 13:5. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and to not be bitter against them. Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25. If this is required of a husband in the covenant of marriage, how much more is any man in courtship required to honor, protect, and cherish a woman he claims to love. To use your body against your will and to objectify you is to violate the very image of God in you, for God created man in his own image. Genesis 1:27. Your body is not for fornication or for a man to take outside of marriage, for we are told to flee sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18. Sex is a gift God reserved solely for the lifelong marriage covenant between one man and one woman, and any sexual activity outside that, and especially any forced or coerced activity, is grave sin before God. His claim that he loved you and would marry you while treating you as someone to be passed onto his friend exposes that his words were empty and his intentions were never toward a godly marriage.
We also hear your deep hurt at being thrown aside like trash after you gave so generously, even giving him a gift from your country while receiving not even a flower in return, and then being mocked for your kindness. We want you to know God does not see you as trash. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14. You are precious in His sight, and He is close to you in this brokenness. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 34:18. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3.
You asked if it is wrong to want justice for the physical, sexual, and psychological abuse you endured. It is not wrong. God is a God of justice. For Yahweh is a God of justice. Blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18. He is the Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. Deuteronomy 32:4. Your desire for what was wrong to be named as wrong and for wrongdoing to be accounted for is righteous. Scripture tells us, Don't seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God's wrath. For it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. Romans 12:19. That does not mean you must pretend it did not happen or that you must reconcile with him. Forgiveness in Christ does not mean returning to danger or trusting someone who has not repented. It means releasing your right to repay into God's hands, trusting that He will judge righteously, whether through His own divine judgment or through lawful authorities He has ordained.
We are praying for you for complete healing from the lingering feelings of objectification and humiliation. We pray that God will restore your sense of dignity and worth in Christ and that you will come to see yourself as He sees you, not as this man treated you. We also pray for strength and peace if you ever run into him again. Do not fear, for we are with you. Don't be dismayed, for we are your God. We will strengthen you. Yes, we will help you. Yes, we will uphold you with the right hand of our righteousness. Isaiah 41:10. We pray you will have wisdom to maintain no contact, to stay surrounded by trusted believers and family, to have safe boundaries, and to seek wise godly counsel and, if needed, help from authorities to remain protected.
We also join you in praying for this man, not to excuse him, but because his behavior is terribly concerning and he is in great need of repentance. We pray that God will convict him deeply, soften his hard heart, and bring him to see the gravity of his lies, his violence, and his disrespect toward you and toward God. We pray he will one day look back and realize you treated him with patience and understanding that he did not deserve, and that this realization will lead him to true repentance and faith in Christ before it is too late.
We thank you for closing in Jesus name, for it is only through Him we have access to the Father. For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 2:5. And in no other is there salvation, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12.
We pray together now.
Heavenly Father, we lift this precious daughter to You in the name of Jesus Christ. You have seen every tear, every lie spoken against her, every moment she was assaulted and demeaned, and every act of benevolence she offered that was thrown back at her. Lord, hold her close now. Heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds. Remove the lies that she is trash or objectified or crazy, and replace them with Your truth that she is Your beloved child, made in Your image, fearfully and wonderfully formed, and deeply valued. Give her Your justice in Your perfect time and way, and give her peace to leave vengeance in Your hands. Give her strength, courage, and a sound mind if she ever sees this man again, and surround her with a hedge of protection and with faithful friends who will guard and affirm her. Father, we also bring this man before You. You know his sin fully. Convict him, bring him to repentance, and do not let him continue to harm another daughter of Yours. Let Your will be done in both lives, and let all things work together for good for those who love You. Romans 8:28. We ask this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus, our only hope and Savior, Amen.
