Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your honest and painful words have been heard with care, and I thank you for sharing them so openly. Nine years of labor, degrees and certificates, debt, living again with your parents as you near your late thirties, watching friends move forward while people around you no longer know what to say, and grieving the family you hope to have, all of this together is a heavy burden. It is understandable that you are exhausted and discouraged, and that you cry out, I know who You are, but I do not understand what You are doing.
Please hear this clearly in answer to the question that was put to you. This long season is not a sign that you have done something to make God punish you, and it is not a measure of His love for you. Not all hardships come from sin. Some do, and some come from other causes, but there is one rule to keep, to bear every trial with thankfulness and trust. Scripture shows that some are punished here and hereafter, some here only, some hereafter only, and some neither here nor hereafter. In that last group are the apostles and prophets and blessed Job. His sufferings were not punishment. They were a contest and a wrestling, allowed so that his righteousness might appear, as God said to him, that you might appear righteous. Job suffered much and he suffered thankfully, and he was justified not simply because he suffered, but because in suffering he remained steadfast. The profit or harm of affliction does not depend only on the affliction itself, but on the disposition of the soul that endures it.
That is why we pray for strength of soul and for long suffering in you. There is nothing so strong and impenetrable as a long suffering soul. Like a spark falling into the deep, sudden disappointments are quenched when they fall upon such a soul, and do not overwhelm it. This strength does not come from pretending the pain is small, but from grace working in you as you are willing to keep trusting, even while you grieve.
I understand how deeply the closed door you hoped was from God has shaken you, especially when Psalm 44:3 had become so meaningful to you. That psalm reminds us that it was not by their own strength that they took the land, but by God's hand and favor. That truth remains even when a particular opportunity is not the way He opens. A closed door does not prove your discernment is worthless or that God has left you. It is painful and confusing, and it is right to bring that confusion honestly to Him.
So I will pray for you as you have asked.
I pray that Jesus Christ, through whom alone we have salvation, will meet you in the middle of this season and hold you close, that you would feel His presence even when you cannot trace His hand. I pray He will give you strength for today, to keep trusting Him when you cannot understand Him, and that He will restore hope where it has grown thin. I pray He will give you clear discernment for the next step, not for all your tomorrows at once, but for what is before you now, and that He will make a way where you cannot see one. I pray for His provision for your daily needs and for the burden of debt, for direction in your work and calling, and for restoration of joy. And I pray that as you wait, holding to His promise that in His time He will bring things to pass, as Isaiah 60:22 declares, you would know that this long waiting is not the end of your story, and that even with unanswered questions you would not lose sight of who God is, good and faithful and near.
You do not need to have every answer today. Keep bringing your honest cries to Him, keep giving thanks as you are able, and ask for grace to focus on today as He holds both today and all your tomorrows. He sees your faithfulness in continuing to believe, and He is able to make even this long trial a place where your soul is strengthened and His glory is shown in your endurance.
Please hear this clearly in answer to the question that was put to you. This long season is not a sign that you have done something to make God punish you, and it is not a measure of His love for you. Not all hardships come from sin. Some do, and some come from other causes, but there is one rule to keep, to bear every trial with thankfulness and trust. Scripture shows that some are punished here and hereafter, some here only, some hereafter only, and some neither here nor hereafter. In that last group are the apostles and prophets and blessed Job. His sufferings were not punishment. They were a contest and a wrestling, allowed so that his righteousness might appear, as God said to him, that you might appear righteous. Job suffered much and he suffered thankfully, and he was justified not simply because he suffered, but because in suffering he remained steadfast. The profit or harm of affliction does not depend only on the affliction itself, but on the disposition of the soul that endures it.
That is why we pray for strength of soul and for long suffering in you. There is nothing so strong and impenetrable as a long suffering soul. Like a spark falling into the deep, sudden disappointments are quenched when they fall upon such a soul, and do not overwhelm it. This strength does not come from pretending the pain is small, but from grace working in you as you are willing to keep trusting, even while you grieve.
I understand how deeply the closed door you hoped was from God has shaken you, especially when Psalm 44:3 had become so meaningful to you. That psalm reminds us that it was not by their own strength that they took the land, but by God's hand and favor. That truth remains even when a particular opportunity is not the way He opens. A closed door does not prove your discernment is worthless or that God has left you. It is painful and confusing, and it is right to bring that confusion honestly to Him.
So I will pray for you as you have asked.
I pray that Jesus Christ, through whom alone we have salvation, will meet you in the middle of this season and hold you close, that you would feel His presence even when you cannot trace His hand. I pray He will give you strength for today, to keep trusting Him when you cannot understand Him, and that He will restore hope where it has grown thin. I pray He will give you clear discernment for the next step, not for all your tomorrows at once, but for what is before you now, and that He will make a way where you cannot see one. I pray for His provision for your daily needs and for the burden of debt, for direction in your work and calling, and for restoration of joy. And I pray that as you wait, holding to His promise that in His time He will bring things to pass, as Isaiah 60:22 declares, you would know that this long waiting is not the end of your story, and that even with unanswered questions you would not lose sight of who God is, good and faithful and near.
You do not need to have every answer today. Keep bringing your honest cries to Him, keep giving thanks as you are able, and ask for grace to focus on today as He holds both today and all your tomorrows. He sees your faithfulness in continuing to believe, and He is able to make even this long trial a place where your soul is strengthened and His glory is shown in your endurance.
