We come before the throne of grace with you, our brother, lifting up your heartache and the deep struggles you are facing in your marriage. Your pain is real, and we hear the anguish in your words as you wrestle with feelings of hurt, rejection, and even the desire to leave a situation that has become unbearable. We also see your heart of gratitude for the blessings God has given you—your children, the years you have shared, and the love you once knew. It is clear you are crying out to the Lord in desperation, and we join you in seeking His will, His healing, and His wisdom for this marriage.
First, we must remind you—and ourselves—that marriage is a covenant before God, not merely a human contract based on feelings or circumstances. The Lord says in Malachi 2:16, *"For I hate divorce," says Yahweh, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with violence!"* This does not mean you must endure abuse or unrepentant sin without action, but it does mean divorce should never be the first or easy solution. God’s heart is for restoration, redemption, and reconciliation where possible. Your marriage is worth fighting for, not because of what it is now, but because of what God can make it through His power and your obedience.
Yet we must also address the seriousness of what you’ve described. A wife who is consistently mean, disrespectful, and hateful—especially if her behavior is fueled by alcohol—is not walking in the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18 warns, *"Don’t be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit."* If her anger and alcohol use are controlling her, this is not just a marital issue but a spiritual one. Proverbs 21:19 says, *"It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious and fretful woman."* While this verse acknowledges the pain of such a situation, it does not justify abandonment. Instead, it calls us to wisdom, prayer, and—when necessary—boundaries that honor God.
You have asked God to change *your* thoughts and feelings toward your wife, and this is a godly request. Colossians 3:19 commands husbands, *"Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them."* Bitterness is a poison that will destroy you long before it affects her. We urge you to guard your heart against it, even as you grieve the love you long for. But loving your wife does not mean enabling sin or enduring abuse without consequence. Love sometimes requires tough actions—confrontation, separation for safety, or insisting on repentance and change. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 18:15-17 that if a brother (or sister in Christ) sins against you, you are to go to them privately first, then with witnesses, and finally to the church if they refuse to repent. Have you taken these steps? Have you sought pastoral counsel or godly mediation?
We also hear the weight of guilt you carry—*"I should be a better man to handle this."* While it is noble to want to endure hardship with strength, no man is called to be a doormat. You are not responsible for your wife’s sin, nor can you "fix" her by being more patient or more loving in your own strength. Only God can change a heart. Your role is to obey Him: love her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25), lead her spiritually if she will allow it, and set godly boundaries if she will not. If she is unwilling to repent or seek help for her anger and drinking, you may need to take steps to protect your heart and your home, even if that means a temporary separation. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says, *"But to the married I command—not I, but the Lord—that the wife not leave her husband (but if she departs, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband not leave his wife."*
But let us be clear: if there is physical abuse, threats, or danger to you or your children, you have a biblical responsibility to remove yourself and them from harm. Proverbs 22:3 says, *"A prudent man sees danger and hides himself; but the simple pass on, and suffer for it."* Safety is not optional.
Now, let us pray for you, your wife, and your marriage:
*Heavenly Father, we come before You with our brother, who is broken and weary from the weight of a marriage that has become a source of deep pain. Lord, You see his heart—his love for his children, his gratitude for the years of blessing, and his longing for a wife who would cherish him as You intended. Father, we ask for Your supernatural intervention. Soften his wife’s heart, Lord. Convict her of any sin—anger, bitterness, drunkenness—that has taken root. Break the strongholds in her life that have led her to treat her husband with contempt. Let her see the damage she is causing and turn to You in repentance. Give her a spirit of gentleness and respect, as Your Word commands in Ephesians 5:33.*
*Lord, we also lift up our brother. Strengthen him where he is weak. Fill him with Your love so that he can love his wife not in his own strength, but in Yours. Guard his heart from bitterness and despair. Give him wisdom to know when to speak, when to act, and when to seek help from the church. If there are areas where he has failed as a husband, reveal them to him and grant him the grace to repent and change. But Father, do not let him carry false guilt for sins that are not his own.*
*We pray for restoration, Lord. You are the God who reconciles the irreconcilable, who brings life where there is death. If it is Your will, heal this marriage. Let it be a testimony of Your redemption. But if his wife hardens her heart, give him the courage to do what is right before You, even if it is painful. Provide for him and his children emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Surround him with godly counsel and support.*
*Father, we rebuke the enemy who seeks to destroy this family. Satan, you have no place here. We command every spirit of anger, addiction, and division to flee in the name of Jesus Christ. Holy Spirit, fill this home with Your peace, Your love, and Your truth.*
*Lord, we ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, who alone can heal what is broken. May Your will be done, and may You be glorified in this situation. Amen.*
Finally, our brother, we urge you to take action:
1. **Seek godly counsel immediately.** Talk to your pastor or a biblical counselor. You should not walk this path alone.
2. **Set boundaries if necessary.** If your wife’s behavior is destructive, you may need to insist on change—whether that means she seeks help for alcohol, attends counseling, or (in extreme cases) a separation for safety and repentance.
3. **Pray for her daily.** Ask God to break her heart of stone and give her a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).
4. **Examine your own heart.** Are there ways you have contributed to the conflict? Ask God to show you and repent where needed.
5. **Cling to hope in Christ.** Even if this marriage does not survive, your hope is not in a perfect wife but in a perfect Savior. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
You are not failing as a man because you are struggling. You are human, and this is hard. But with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Trust Him, obey Him, and let Him lead you one step at a time. We are praying for you.
Amen
