Anonymous
Beloved of All
I'm not from India. I’ve never studied any Indian syllabus before. I had to leave my home country for India last year due to some personal reasons and within a week of coming here my parents had me enrolled into an Indian school in the ISC biomath stream for class xi. For a bit of background, I’ve never taken biology before and I was actually a combined science/accounts/humanities student previously back home. I don’t know how to describe my previous stream exactly but it was something like that. What I mean to say if the academic workload and just the difference in everything education wise was so jarring to me, from the unfamiliar textbook publishers to the content and rigor itself it was just too much. To add on to that around the time I moved here last year my mental health was incredibly down, I had so much anxiety and it was just really bad you know. Some “friends” tried to take advantage of me and I was still in a huge state of culture shock, I mean I was like pretty much dissociated and just not myself and obviously with all of this I couldn’t care for academics all that much. It was genuinely by God’s incredible grace that I managed to somehow pass all of my subjects (including math for the first time) in my class xi and get promoted to twelfth grade. Now, by the end of this academic year I will be writing my first ever Indian board exams, and from what I’ve heard all around me, from my previous experiences with national exams in my previous syllabus and from sitting in ISC classrooms, I know all too well it’s going to be a very taxing year. Since I didn’t put in any real effort for class xi, I’m still not the best at studying in the sense that I’ll burn out faster than my studying peers, I won’t be able to sit and study as long every day or as efficiently as them. But I’ve been trying, and so far school hasn’t opened yet but the tuitions that I go to have been for basically all of April and I’ve seen an improvement in my grades. For example, for chemistry, last year during tests in chemistry tuitions, me and my friend would essentially just study bits and pieces of the topics tested and cheat off of each other and barely pass but this year I got a 13.5 out of 15 without cheating and solely by trying to study every day. Physics I used to struggle a lot last year and my tutor last year was also really pretty scary like no offense to him he’s a great teacher but he made me lose interest in the subject and fear it instead. This year I’ve found another tutor and have secured full marks in the past two tests. But I can feel my old inner procrastinator coming back and I think I’ve maybe burnt out because I’m not able to study anymore. And I know it’s getting serious because I used to be able to pay full attention and understand everything being taught so well but nowadays I find I’m not really concentrating which is dangerous considering every day I’m one day closer to this really important exam right. I wanna ask for forgiveness from God for my bad thoughts, words, and deeds. I wanna thank him for being my strength, my shield, and my greatest friend and heaven, y father who protected me from much evil, who always watched over me last year, and who, by believing in and talking to especially in my most troubling and painful times, was always there as a source of hope and motivation to keep pushing till I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure if I’m burnt out, but I just can’t seem to focus, I feel repelled from studying, maybe it’s just the sheer pressure of the oncoming intensity of this school year, but I haven’t done much, I haven’t touched biology, I’m not revising the chapters of class xii that I’ve already learnt and previously mastered. I feel lost and discouraged by my own doubts and though I still feel really interested in my subjects like I wanna know more about them and I want to read, I’m afraid to pick up my books, even when I want to. I’ve slowed down, I think I’m just scared. I feel lesser than my peers, I feel like everyone’s ahead of me already and like I’m the only one trailing miles behind of everyone. But I know that school only starts in two weeks and I still have time and I’ve at least started on my class xii topics and finished learning the first chapters of every subject and that I’ve touched on some of my eleventh chapters because I really need to brush up on the. Please pray for me. Pray for me that my doubts and worries don’t get the best of me and don’t push me further away from my studies, that I’ll be able to do it. I know that I can because I went from zero starting in class xi to worthy enough to get promoted to class xii. I feel behind because I’ve never had bio before and still feel like the failure I was at the beginning of class xi. Please pray for me that I make it. My parents work really hard, they sacrificed so much for us. My dad works 72-hour shifts and my mom tries to make money with her travel freelance business to finance our education, wants, and needs and I genuinely wanna make them proud because they deserve it after suffering so much. Please pray for me, I want to do this, I need to and I really really wanna make it. I wanna do very well for my boards and get my work done on the day it’s assigned instead of stalling it until the last minute, the same exact habit that brought me so much pain throughout my academic journey.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
