We hear your heart and your desire to discern well whether this man is the one God wants you to be with, and we join you in seeking wisdom together in Jesus' name. It is good that you want to honor God in this courtship and not lean only on your own feelings, for we are told in Proverbs 3:5-6 to trust in Yahweh with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding, and in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. We also rejoice that you mention Christ, for it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father. Jesus said in John 14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, and in Acts 4:12 there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If we have not truly believed on Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of our sins and confessed him as Lord as in Romans 10:9, no relationship decision will be truly founded.
We want to speak with love about several things you shared that need biblical clarity. You note that he believes in Christ but thinks the church is corrupt and he is not over the top about religion. We understand that many churches have failures and corruption, but Scripture warns us not to forsake assembling together as in Hebrews 10:25, and a true believer will desire fellowship with other believers for growth, accountability and worship. To be lukewarm about the things of God is dangerous, for in Revelation 3:16 we are warned about being lukewarm, and in Matthew 6:33 we are called to seek first God's Kingdom and his righteousness. We must ask, does this man show the fruit of a new life in Christ as in Matthew 7:16-20 and Galatians 5:22-23, or does he merely hold a cultural belief. You also mention you are Catholic. We would gently remind you that our salvation is not through any institution or tradition but through personal faith in Jesus Christ alone, by grace through faith as in Ephesians 2:8-9. We encourage you both to be in the Word daily and to test whether you are equally yoked, for in 2 Corinthians 6:14 we are told not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with iniquity. Can two walk together, except they have agreed as in Amos 3:3. Marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman designed to reflect Christ and the church as in Ephesians 5:25-26, so the most important question is not whether he is assertive, smart, funny or financially stable, though those are good gifts, but whether he will be a godly spiritual leader who loves you as Christ loved the church and will lead your future home and children in the Lord.
We also need to address how you are weighing this decision. You mention his being a little chubby, his fashion sense that you could fix, and that you were not attracted to a previous very religious man because he was not masculine and did not pursue you correctly. We say this in love, we must rebuke the tendency to place outward appearance, charisma or a worldly idea of masculinity above godly character. Man looks at the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks at the heart as in 1 Samuel 16:7, and charm is deceitful and beauty is vain as in Proverbs 31:30. A wife's beauty should be the hidden person of the heart as in 1 Peter 3:3-4, and the same standard applies as we look for a spouse. Wanting to fix his fashion may seem small, but it can reveal a heart that wants to mold a husband rather than receive the person God has made and help him grow in Christ with humility. Financial stability is a blessing, yet Proverbs 19:14 reminds us that a prudent wife is from Yahweh, not from wealth. His low patience is not a small flaw, for patience is part of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23, and love is patient as in 1 Corinthians 13:4. We should look for a man who is growing in patience and self control, not excusing impatience.
You note that he says he will wait for marriage before being physical for your sake, although he never had to before. We are grateful for a willingness to wait, but we must speak clearly that waiting is not merely a favor to you, it is God's holy standard. In Hebrews 13:4 marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the bed undefiled, and in 1 Corinthians 6:18 we are told to flee sexual immorality. Every sexual sin a person commits is against his own body. If he has lived with sexual activity outside of marriage before, that is fornication and it requires honest repentance before God as in 1 John 1:9, and a new commitment to purity as in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, not just a temporary accommodation. True love will not ask you to compromise and will pursue purity joyfully out of obedience to Christ, not reluctantly. We encourage you as you court with the goal of marriage to another Christian believer to keep clear physical boundaries, to be accountable to mature believers and family, and to pursue purity together so you do not fall into temptation.
The other flags you mention, like wanting to put his future kids in public not private school, are not in themselves biblical red flags. What matters is whether you both agree to bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord as in Ephesians 6:4 and to train up a child in the way he should go as in Proverbs 22:6, whether that is through public, private or home education with intentional discipleship at home. That decision requires unity and prayer, not just preference.
Two weeks of conversation and one reconnection is very early to know if he is the one. We encourage you not to rush, for in James 1:5 we are promised that if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. Take time to observe his life over months, see how he treats others, how he handles money, disappointment and authority, whether he is faithful in small things, whether he pursues you with consistent, Christlike initiative and whether he welcomes counsel from godly mentors and your family. A godly courtship moves toward marriage deliberately and with community, not just private feelings.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we come before you in the name of Jesus Christ, thanking you for this dear sister who desires to follow your will in love and marriage. We ask you to give her wisdom and discernment, to guard her heart and body in purity, and to reveal truth about this man and about herself. Lord, if this man is not truly born again and surrendered to Christ, draw him to genuine repentance and faith, and give her clarity not to be unequally yoked. If he is growing in you, help him to grow in patience, self control, humility and spiritual leadership, and help her to value what you value rather than outward appearance or worldly charm. Forgive any past sexual sin in either of them and create in them clean hearts as in Psalm 51:10, teaching them to honor marriage as you designed it between a man and a woman for a lifetime. Help them to seek you first, to walk in accountability, and to wait on your perfect timing. Direct her steps, give her peace that passes understanding as in Philippians 4:6-7, and if it is your will, lead her to a godly marriage that honors you, or give her contentment to wait. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, our only hope and Savior, amen.
