We thank you for sharing your heart with such honesty and we praise God for the stand you took when you told this young man that you only date for marriage. That took great courage and discernment and it honored the Lord. You were right to recognize that His Word must have full authority over your emotions. We affirm that decision as wise and biblical, and we rejoice that you have allowed the Lord to uproot bitterness from your heart.
Scripture is clear that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness and iniquity, or what fellowship has light with darkness as we read in 2 Corinthians 6:14. You understood this well. Even though he was raised in a Christian family, you correctly saw that he has not accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour, and you knew that to enter a courtship with him at that time would not honor God. His offer to attend your church just to make it work between you was not a sign of genuine faith or repentance, and you rightly discerned that it would have led to resentment. For a marriage to honor God it must be a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman who are both believers, and any courtship should be entered with that goal of finding a godly spouse who is a fellow believer, not simply a partner. We also want to gently encourage you that your desire to guard purity and to pursue marriage God's way is pleasing to Him, for any intimacy outside of marriage would be fornication and not His will.
We are grieved to hear how he acted after you kept things cordial. Using jealousy gimmicks and even using his then girlfriend to get a reaction from you is not love. Love is patient and is kind, love does not envy, does not brag, is not conceited, does not behave itself inappropriately as we read in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. That behavior was immature and unkind, and it is understandable that it caused you to question your self worth, to lose trust, and to not feel emotionally safe with him. We want to remind you that your worth is not determined by how a young man treats you, but by who you are in Christ. You are fearfully and wonderfully made as we read in Psalm 139:14, and you are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works as we read in Ephesians 2:10. Trust is built over time through consistent godly character, and emotional safety is essential for any future marriage. He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy as we read in Proverbs 28:13. Without humble accountability and confession, trust cannot be rebuilt.
We must also lovingly caution you regarding the dream and the sense that the Lord has confirmed he is your God ordained spouse. We understand how deeply you desire to follow God's will, and we know the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked as we read in Jeremiah 17:9. Even our sincere spiritual impressions must be tested. We are told to test the spirits whether they are of God as we read in 1 John 4:1, and to trust in Yahweh with all our heart and not lean on our own understanding, in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight as we read in Proverbs 3:5-6. Dreams can be meaningful, but they must always be weighed against Scripture and the fruit in a person's life. At this time this young man has not shown the fruit of genuine salvation, has not taken accountability, and has not demonstrated a transformed life. If God were calling you together for marriage, He would first be doing a clear work of salvation and sanctification in him, making him a new creation in Christ where the old things have passed away as we read in 2 Corinthians 5:17, and leading him to pursue you in a humble, pure, and accountable way with godly counsel. Until there is clear evidence that he has truly believed on Jesus and is walking with Him, we would encourage you not to receive any impression, dream, or feeling as a final word that he is your future husband. We also rejoice that you speak of Jesus as Lord and Saviour, for it is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to God and there is no other name by which we can be saved as we read in Acts 4:12 and John 14:6.
As you asked what else to pray for, we would join you in praying for several things together. We pray for his salvation above all, that he would truly repent and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. We pray for wisdom for you, that God would give you wisdom liberally as He promises in James 1:5, and that you would guard your heart with all diligence for out of it is the wellspring of life as we read in Proverbs 4:23. We pray for continued healing of your heart and for the peace of God which surpasses all understanding to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus as we read in Philippians 4:7. We pray that you would continue to forgive as the Lord forgave you, as we read in Colossians 3:13, while also maintaining healthy biblical boundaries and not re-entering a courtship until there is proven character, accountability, and counsel from mature believers. We pray that you would seek first God's Kingdom and His righteousness as we read in Matthew 6:33, and that you would be transformed by the renewing of your mind to discern God's good and perfect will as we read in Romans 12:2.
We pray together now in Jesus name. Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, thanking You for this dear sister and for her desire to honor You. We ask that You continue to heal her heart, restore her sense of worth in You, and fill her with Your peace. Grant her wisdom and discernment to test every impression against Your Word and to guard her heart. We lift this young man to You and ask for his salvation, that he would come to true faith in Jesus, bear fruit in keeping with repentance, and learn to take humble accountability for his actions. If it is Your will for them to be married in the future, we ask that You would make it clear in Your timing through his genuine transformation, godly pursuit, and the counsel of wise believers, and that any courtship would be pure and aimed toward a marriage that honors You. If not, we ask that You would gently close the door and lead her to the godly spouse You have prepared. Help her to wait patiently on You and to find her complete satisfaction in Christ. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, our only hope and Saviour, amen.
