I’m in desperate need of prayer over my marriage. We’ve been married over 20 years and we’ve had major challenges throughout the entire marriage. For the last 2.5 years we’ve been living separately in the same home. All this time he wanted the marriage and I did not. There has been adultery, Finacial issues, pornography, he has roaming eyes, broken dreams, and broken promises the list goes on. He told me for the first 6 months of our separation (while we were in the same home) he woke crying and prayed for us everyday. However, I never saw changes in him nor did he reach out for help. I was dead set on a divorce. I closed on my home on September 21 of this year and shortly after moving the Lord started softening my heart. Now the rolls are reversed. He’s involved in an emotional relationship and he now wants the divorce. However, I honestly I believe it’s physical. I’ve not been an excellent wife either. Out of fear I became controlling. I never built him up in fear he’d get big headed and leave me. I had an unconscious desire to keep him suppressed so he’s need me. Now that my eyes have been opened and my heart softened the Lord has revealed to me that that was the very worst thing I could have done. During the in home separation I went back to school to obtain an esthetics license so I could support myself and my children. Because I worked and went to school that only left Sundays to do chores, grocery shopping, study, or spend time with my children. I stopped going to church. Therefore he stopped going to church. That meant the kids weren’t going to church. We stopped reading the Bible every night after dinner. I stopped praying. Honestly I felt as though God had abandoned me. He is now where I was. He’s focused on all the negative in the marriage and is discussed with me. Honestly he has embellished what things, made things way worse then they were and add untruths to the situations. I believe he’s done this to make himself fell better about filling. I don’t want my marriage to end. I KNOW God doesn’t want my marriage to end. I know if we were to pull through this it would speak volumes to all who are close to the situation. We have 4 children and 5 grandchildren. We have a beautiful family and we could have a testimony to help others in similar situations. I have made a big mistake out of desperation. I keep trying to date him even though I was aware he didn’t want to seek counseling or date me. I was groveling almost to the point of begging him to give us an opportunity. He just feels it’s my attempt to control the situation. I know we are truly far gone. But I KNOW God is a God of reconciliation. Marriage is His institution and He doesn’t want satan to win in destroying my marriage. Please pray that God remove satan from my marriage, that He turn Jason’s heart away from this other woman and back to me. Most of all please pray that the Lord restore a right relationship in Jason for Him. Jason is now breaking promises to do things with our 15 year old son to spend time with the other woman. He’s breaking my sons heart. This is the hardest part. It kills me to watch Aaron so broken hearted. Not that it’s easy for me to deal with but at least I know Jason isn’t able to help himself on his own. Through God ALL things are possible. Those in my life giving me support through this think I’ve lost my mind, even some of the very strong Christians. I’m starting to loose hope, not in God but whether Jason’s heart is reachable. It doesn’t appear that he values family and the life we built. Goodness how could he with all the flirting on Facebook and viewing porn. My hope is we’re all sinners saved by grace and if we repent, turn from our sin He will deliver us. He’ll equip us to break free from the bondage of our sin. Jason knows this. He grew up in a strong Christian home so my supporters tell me if he wanted to he definitely would have by now. However, I know when we lived in the same home my heart was hardened and I had scales over my eyes. I honestly couldn’t see how reconciliation could be possible. Surely the Lord wouldn’t have softened my heart and changed my desires just to leave me heartbroken. But as time he’s on and Jason pulls further and further from us causing all kinds of hurt I’m loosing heart. My name is Kerry Fuqua and my husbands name is Jason. I can’t thank you enough for your continual prayer! It means the world to me and my family. May God bless you and your family beyond your wildest dreams! Thank you!!
