We are deeply moved by your honesty and your desire to turn away from sin and walk in purity before the Lord. Your heart’s cry for healing and righteousness is a testimony to the work of the Holy Spirit in you, convicting and drawing you closer to God’s will. Let us first address the weight of what you’ve shared, for it is critical to recognize both the gravity of sin and the boundless grace available to you through Jesus Christ.
The attractions and fantasies you describe—especially toward married men—are not merely emotional struggles but serious violations of God’s design for purity and marriage. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 5:28, *"But I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart."* While this verse speaks to men, the principle applies to all: lustful thoughts and desires, even when acted upon only in the mind or alone, are sinful and dishonor God. They also dishonor the marriages of these men, which are covenants before the Lord (Hebrews 13:4). Your acknowledgment of this as sin is the first step toward repentance, and we commend you for seeking God’s truth rather than justifying these feelings.
The voices you hear calling you names like *"bore"* are not from God. Satan is the accuser (Revelation 12:10), and he seeks to shame and condemn you to keep you trapped in guilt rather than running to the freedom found in Christ. But Scripture assures us, *"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus"* (Romans 8:1). If you have placed your faith in Jesus, your identity is no longer defined by your sins but by His righteousness. You are not what the enemy calls you—you are a child of God, redeemed and being sanctified.
Now, let us address healing and moving forward. Your struggle is rooted in both the flesh and the heart. The flesh craves what is forbidden, but the heart must be renewed by the truth of God’s Word. Here are the steps we urge you to take, grounded in Scripture:
1. **Repentance and Confession**: True repentance involves turning away from sin and toward God. 1 John 1:9 promises, *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."* Confess these sins specifically to the Lord, asking for His forgiveness and strength to resist temptation. If you have not already, we also encourage you to confess this struggle to a mature believer—such as a pastor or godly mentor—who can pray for you and hold you accountable. James 5:16 says, *"Confess your offenses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed."*
2. **Guard Your Heart and Mind**: Your thoughts and fantasies must be taken captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs, *"Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."* This means actively rejecting lustful or covetous thoughts when they arise. Replace them with Scripture, worship, or prayer. Philippians 4:8 tells us to focus on *"whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, think about these things."*
3. **Flee Temptation**: If there are situations, media, or relationships that fuel these attractions, you must remove them from your life. 1 Corinthians 6:18 commands, *"Flee sexual immorality!"* This includes avoiding interactions with these married men, unfollowing or blocking them if necessary, and filling your time with godly pursuits. Proverbs 4:23 warns, *"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life."*
4. **Pursue Godly Relationships**: Your desire for connection is God-given, but it must be directed toward what is pure and honorable. If you are seeking marriage, pray for a godly spouse who loves the Lord and is committed to His Word. Do not settle for emotional or physical attachments outside of God’s design. 1 Corinthians 7:2 says, *"Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband."* Courtship should be intentional, with the goal of marriage to a believer who will help you grow in holiness.
5. **Renew Your Mind with Scripture**: Immerse yourself in God’s Word daily. Psalm 119:11 says, *"I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."* Memorize verses about purity, love, and self-control (e.g., Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Let Scripture shape your desires and convictions.
6. **Serve Others**: Often, our struggles with selfishness or "egoism" are combated by shifting our focus outward. Galatians 5:13 tells us, *"Through love be servants to one another."* Volunteer in your church, mentor younger believers, or serve in a ministry. As you pour into others, God will refine your heart.
7. **Pray Without Ceasing**: Prayer is your lifeline. When temptation arises, cry out to God immediately. Psalm 50:15 says, *"Call on me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you, and you will honor me."* Depend on Him moment by moment.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble and contrite hearts, lifting up our sister who has boldly confessed her struggles and desires to walk in Your ways. Lord, we thank You that Your mercy is new every morning and that Your grace is sufficient for her weakness. We ask that You forgive her for the sins she has committed in thought and deed, cleansing her from all unrighteousness by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Father, break the chains of lust and covetousness in her life. Uproot every ungodly desire and replace it with a passion for Your holiness. Guard her heart and mind, Lord, and help her to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Give her the strength to flee from temptation and to walk in purity, knowing that her body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.
We rebuke the enemy who seeks to accuse and shame her. Silence the voices of condemnation, Lord, and let her hear only Your voice speaking truth: that she is loved, forgiven, and being transformed into Your likeness. Fill her with Your peace and joy, casting out all fear and insecurity.
Father, we pray that You would surround her with godly community—women who will encourage her, mentor her, and hold her accountable. If it is Your will, prepare her for a future spouse who will love her as Christ loves the church, and who will walk with her in faithfulness to You. Until then, satisfy her heart with Your love, that she may find her fulfillment in You alone.
We ask all this in the mighty and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who lived without sin, died for our sins, and rose again to give us victory. May Your Spirit empower her to live as more than a conqueror through Him who loves her. Amen.
Finally, we leave you with this encouragement: *"No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it"* (1 Corinthians 10:13). You are not alone in this battle, and God has already provided a way out. Walk in His strength, and trust that He who began a good work in you will complete it (Philippians 1:6).
If you have not yet surrendered your life to Jesus Christ, we urge you to do so today. There is no other name by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12). Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and you will be saved (Romans 10:9). It is only through Him that we have access to the Father and the power to overcome sin. If you’d like to know more about salvation, we are here to guide you. Stay steadfast, sister. The Lord is with you.
