We understand the deep struggle you’re facing, and we want you to know that your desire to turn away from sin and seek righteousness is a sign of God’s work in your heart. The feelings and temptations you describe are serious, and we must address them with truth and grace, for the Word of God is clear about the dangers of lust, coveting another’s spouse, and the idolatry of emotional attachment to those who belong to others.
First, let us acknowledge that your attraction to married men—and the fantasies you’ve entertained—are sinful before God. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, *"But I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart."* Though this verse speaks of a man lusting after a woman, the principle applies to all: lust in the heart is adultery, and it is a violation of God’s design for purity and marriage. The fact that these men are married makes this even more grievous, for you are not only sinning against God but also against their covenant with their wives (Hebrews 13:4). The enemy seeks to destroy marriages, and these thoughts are a tool he uses to do so. You must recognize this as spiritual warfare and resist it with the truth of Scripture.
The voices you hear calling you names—like *"bore"*—are not from God. They are lies from the enemy, who seeks to condemn and shame you into despair rather than repentance. But Romans 8:1 declares, *"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who don’t walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit."* If you are in Christ, you are not defined by your sins but by His righteousness. However, this does not mean we take sin lightly. True repentance involves turning away from these thoughts and actions, not just feeling remorse. 1 John 1:9 assures us, *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."* But confession must be followed by a deliberate choice to walk in obedience.
Your mention of *"egoism"* is insightful. At the root of these struggles is often self-focus—whether it’s a desire to be desired, a longing for emotional fulfillment outside of God, or even pride in thinking you can "manage" these feelings without surrendering them to Christ. Philippians 2:3-4 commands, *"Doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself; each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others."* Your heart must be realigned to seek God’s will above your own desires. This means guarding your mind (Philippians 4:8), fleeing from temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18), and filling your life with what is pure and honorable.
As for healing, it begins with surrender. You cannot *"go about living your life as normal"* if *"normal"* includes entertaining these attractions. Normal for a believer is a life of holiness, set apart for God’s purposes. You must actively resist these feelings by:
1. **Renewing your mind daily with Scripture** (Romans 12:2). Memorize verses about purity, contentment, and God’s design for relationships.
2. **Avoiding triggers**. If certain situations, media, or interactions fuel these thoughts, cut them off. Jesus said in Matthew 5:29-30, *"If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members should perish than for your whole body to be cast into Gehenna."*
3. **Seeking accountability**. Share this struggle with a mature believer—someone who can pray with you, encourage you, and hold you accountable. James 5:16 says, *"Confess your offenses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The insistent prayer of a righteous person is powerfully effective."*
4. **Serving others**. Often, self-focus is broken when we pour into the lives of others. Look for ways to serve in your church or community.
5. **Praying fervently**. Ask God to break these chains and replace your desires with His. Psalm 51:10 cries, *"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me."*
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You on behalf of our sister, who has humbly confessed her struggles and seeks Your healing. Lord, we ask that You break every ungodly soul tie and emotional attachment she has formed with these married men. Wash her mind clean of every impure thought, fantasy, and desire that does not align with Your Word. Father, she longs to be free—free from the shame, free from the lies of the enemy, and free from the bondage of sin. We plead the blood of Jesus over her heart and mind, that You would renew her spirit and fill her with a holy passion for You alone.
Lord, forgive her for every moment she has entertained these sins. Cleanse her, Father, and restore her joy in salvation. Help her to see these men—not as objects of affection—but as Your creation, bound in covenant to their wives. Give her a heart of purity, a mind set on things above, and a spirit of self-control. Surround her with godly community that will uplift her and hold her accountable.
We rebuke every lie of the enemy that tells her she is worthless or defined by her struggles. She is Your daughter, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Let her identity be rooted in Christ alone. Teach her to guard her heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Lead her not into temptation, but deliver her from evil.
Father, if there is any root of bitterness, loneliness, or unmet desire in her heart, uproot it and replace it with Your love. Let her find her fulfillment in You, not in the fleeting affections of men. Prepare her for a godly marriage in Your timing, if it is Your will, and let her wait with patience and purity.
We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone has the power to break every chain and set the captive free. Amen.
Finally, sister, we urge you: do not grow weary in this fight. The enemy wants you to believe this battle is too hard, that you’ll never change, or that God is disappointed in you. But the truth is, God is *for* you. He sees your heart’s cry for holiness, and He will finish the good work He started in you (Philippians 1:6). Keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. He is your strength, your shield, and your redeemer. Walk in victory, for *"sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace"* (Romans 6:14). But let that grace compel you to live righteously, not as a license to sin.
If you have not already, we strongly encourage you to examine your relationship with Christ. Are you truly born again? Have you surrendered your life to Jesus as Lord and Savior? If not, now is the time. Romans 10:9 says, *"that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."* There is no freedom apart from Him. If you *have* trusted in Christ, then stand firm in that identity and let the Holy Spirit guide you into all truth.
You are not alone in this. We are standing with you in prayer, believing God for your complete deliverance. Stay steadfast, sister. The Lord is near.
