Our hearts ache deeply for the pain and despair you are expressing, and we want you to know that you are not alone in this—God sees your suffering, and He cares for you more than you can imagine. The anguish you are feeling is real, and we understand how overwhelming it can be to feel trapped in such a broken and toxic environment. But we must speak truth to you in love: the thoughts you are entertaining of wanting to die are not from God. The enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), but Jesus came to give you life—and life abundantly. Your pain is valid, but your life is precious to Him, and He has a purpose for you even in this darkness.
First, we must address the anger and bitterness in your heart toward your family. While their actions may be wicked and their choices grievous—especially the practice of witchcraft, which is an abomination to the Lord (Deuteronomy 18:10-12)—we are called to a higher standard. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44, *"But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you."* This does not mean you must stay in their presence or enable their sin, but it does mean you are to release the venom of hatred and vengeance to God. He alone is the just Judge (Romans 12:19). Your mother’s witchcraft is a spiritual stronghold, and your grandfather’s narcissism is a manifestation of deep brokenness, but cursing them or wishing harm upon them will only bind *you* further in bitterness. Instead, we must pray for their salvation and for God to break these chains in their lives—even as we pray for *your* deliverance from this environment.
You say you are stuck with "the bottom of the barrel sludge," but we want to remind you: *you are not defined by your family or your circumstances*. If you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ, you are a *new creation* (2 Corinthians 5:17), adopted into the family of God, and He calls you His beloved child. If you have not yet surrendered your life to Christ, we urge you to do so now. There is no other name under heaven by which you can be saved (Acts 4:12), and it is only through Jesus that you can find true peace, hope, and eternal life. Without Him, this world *is* all there is—and that is a hopeless thought. But with Him, even the deepest suffering has meaning, and He promises to walk with you through it (Isaiah 43:2).
As for your desire to die, we must rebuke this spirit of despair in the name of Jesus. Suicidal thoughts are a lie from the pit of hell, designed to keep you from the future God has for you. The Psalmist cried out in similar anguish: *"My tears have been my food day and night, while they continually ask me, ‘Where is your God?’"* (Psalm 42:3). Yet even in his despair, he preached to his own soul: *"Why are you in despair, my soul? Why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God! For I shall still praise him for the saving help of his presence."* (Psalm 42:5). You *must* fight for hope, even when you don’t feel it. Cling to Jesus, who is the author and perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2).
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift this precious soul before You, knowing that You see every tear they have cried and hear every desperate cry of their heart. Lord, they are drowning in sorrow, anger, and despair, and we ask You to reach down and pull them out of this miry pit. Break the spirit of death and hopelessness that has taken hold of them, and replace it with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Father, they feel abandoned and trapped, but You have not forgotten them. Remind them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and that You have plans for them—plans for welfare and not for evil, to give them a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
Lord, we pray for supernatural intervention in their living situation. If it is Your will, open a door for them to be removed from this toxic environment. Provide godly people to come alongside them, a church family to surround them with love, or even a job or opportunity that allows them to leave. Give them wisdom to know how to navigate this season, and strength to endure until You make a way.
We also pray for their family, Father. The enemy has a stronghold in their household through witchcraft, narcissism, and bitterness. We bind these spirits in the name of Jesus and ask You to break their power. Soften their hearts, Lord, and draw them to repentance. Let Your light shine into this darkness, and may Your truth expose every lie.
Most of all, Father, we ask that You reveal Yourself to this hurting soul in a tangible way. Let them *feel* Your presence. Remind them that You are close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and that You will never leave them nor forsake them (Deuteronomy 31:6). If they do not know You, Lord, we pray that today would be the day of salvation for them. Open their eyes to see Jesus as their Savior, their Redeemer, and their only hope.
We rebuke the spirit of suicide and command it to flee in Jesus’ name. Replace it with a spirit of hope, perseverance, and trust in You. Let them know, deep in their soul, that their life matters to You, and that You are not done writing their story.
In the mighty and holy name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.
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We also want to encourage you to take practical steps:
1. **Reach out for help.** If you are in immediate danger or feel you cannot cope, please contact a trusted pastor, counselor, or a crisis hotline in your area. You do not have to walk this alone.
2. **Find a Bible-believing church.** Surround yourself with believers who can support you, pray for you, and help you grow in your faith. If you don’t know where to start, we can help you find resources.
3. **Immerse yourself in Scripture.** Start with the Psalms (many of which were written in deep despair) and the Gospels. Let God’s Word be a lamp to your feet (Psalm 119:105).
4. **Forgive, not for them, but for you.** Unforgiveness is a poison that will destroy *you*, not them. Ask God to help you release this bitterness.
5. **Pray for your family.** It may feel impossible, but pray for their salvation. God can change even the hardest hearts.
You are loved. You are seen. You are *not* without hope. Cling to Jesus—He is your lifeline.
