Krysta
Disciple of Prayer
IM NOT GOING TO USE REAL NAMES. A couple weeks ago I texted this “Adam” guy, that I’ve known for a couple of years who always use to flake on plans with me, cause he was heavy on my heart. I told him He was on my mind and that I wasn’t hitting him up to hangout but to make sure he was okay. He opened up to me and told me he’s struggling with insecurity problems and feels like no one cares or sees what he doing. He said everyone is making him feel bad about himself and he’s been feeling like he’s drowning. He said he didn’t trust anyone but needed to tell me cause no one ever asks how he is. That he is always the one listening. Then we stopped talking after we talked all night about it. But to start where I’m going with this, on August 6th 2018, I made a prayer in my notes. It said "God you know I have a tendency to think the wrong guys are “the one”. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want the guy you have for me. So I pray that the guy I am supposed to marry calls me an angel or babygirl(not about my looks nor my voice. Just says I am an angel) When he calls me babygirl I wont feel disgusted due to the fact that My biological father called me it instead I'll feel an overwhelming peace. I pray that any guy that the devil sends as a distraction, that if they call me these names and they are not for me that I would feel nothing when they say it. But when the guy you know I am supposed to be with that I'd feel your spirit through these names. Please hear this prayer." So when I went camping with my friend “Katie”, I went through videos/pictures of “Brad”(someone I used to like a lot and was always hopeful that he’d be the one for me) and I. I got upset because I finally seen how different our friendship was after I got in touch with him after 5 months of not talking. (It hurts because “Brad” and I were best friends, hanging out all the time and talking/texting all the time and one day he was just gone). And I prayed a week before him and I stopped talking that God would reveal to me if he was the one or not cause I was tired of liking him. I remembered one time “Brad” walked up and said "Hey Angel" and I told her I was confused cause I thought that was Gods way of telling me “Brad” was the one but now he’s gone and I don’t see us being close ever again. but then I started to think (as I was saying all of this) maybe Gods a little more specific than that. Maybe God is going to answer the prayer exactly how I asked if he decides to answer at all. And that maybe the whole “Brad”/angel situation was a distraction. Literally, like LITERALLY, as I was talking about this, “Adam” Snapchats me out of the blue and interrupts this conversation. “Adam”: Hey I think you should look up this song. Angels by Kahlid 
Me: that was such a beautiful song. Why did you have me listen to it? “Adam”: Idk just felt that way Like you’re an angel Me; Aweee that's so sweet. thank you!! “Adam”: just had to mention it I can't stop thinking about it. Because it happened as I was talking about my prayer and how someone called me angel but didn’t say I was an angel. I never thought God would work this way and still am having a hard time believing. I even forgot about my prayer until this night when all of this happened. It all just happened too perfectly for it to be a coincidence. I dont know I'm super confused. I didn’t go looking for this to happen. I truly and honestly don’t want a relationship right now anyways. I have a lot of healing to do myself. I’m so scared that I almost blocked him and ran for the hills but i don’t know how to decipher if it’s a distraction or not because I didn’t not feel anything when it was said. Like I felt a lot when he said it (scared, excited, overwhelmed, happy, etc) I don’t want to block it out if it’s God. And lately I have the tendency to do that. And I feel so bad saying that because I think God answered my prayer and I’m sitting here questioning it all. It’s also very confusing to me because through the years “Adam” has been so flakey. He’d plan a date then cancel. And he still does it now!! He’s been venting to me lately saying he’s unstable and talking to me about some sad things that I don’t want to share. Ive been making excuses for it too. I just don’t understand how someone who obviously isn’t very serious about getting to know me, considering his flakiness, could be the one? I more so need guidance. If God leads you to say something please tel me because i don’t know if I’m hearing from God correctly or not.
Me: that was such a beautiful song. Why did you have me listen to it? “Adam”: Idk just felt that way Like you’re an angel Me; Aweee that's so sweet. thank you!! “Adam”: just had to mention it I can't stop thinking about it. Because it happened as I was talking about my prayer and how someone called me angel but didn’t say I was an angel. I never thought God would work this way and still am having a hard time believing. I even forgot about my prayer until this night when all of this happened. It all just happened too perfectly for it to be a coincidence. I dont know I'm super confused. I didn’t go looking for this to happen. I truly and honestly don’t want a relationship right now anyways. I have a lot of healing to do myself. I’m so scared that I almost blocked him and ran for the hills but i don’t know how to decipher if it’s a distraction or not because I didn’t not feel anything when it was said. Like I felt a lot when he said it (scared, excited, overwhelmed, happy, etc) I don’t want to block it out if it’s God. And lately I have the tendency to do that. And I feel so bad saying that because I think God answered my prayer and I’m sitting here questioning it all. It’s also very confusing to me because through the years “Adam” has been so flakey. He’d plan a date then cancel. And he still does it now!! He’s been venting to me lately saying he’s unstable and talking to me about some sad things that I don’t want to share. Ive been making excuses for it too. I just don’t understand how someone who obviously isn’t very serious about getting to know me, considering his flakiness, could be the one? I more so need guidance. If God leads you to say something please tel me because i don’t know if I’m hearing from God correctly or not.
