Revin
Prayer Warrior
I have written a really long message of some of the things that have happened to me and that I've bottled up in my heart and never really shared with anyone, but I really feel I need to spill the beans now as I can't take it anymore. If you read this message, please tell me what you think, do you understand my situation and have compassion. Most of the message is really embarrassing to write, but they say if you bring things into the light by confessing, you will be set free. You know some years ago I was at a really big church meeting and this very anointed guy from overseas was there and asked everyone to stand and then said God is going to bless the ladies now, so he blessed them with his hand, if I recall correctly, and I saw women everywhere falling down. I didn't see any men going down, but to my big surprise, I was hit by this power and fell back in my chair, and I thought, what the heck. I'm supposed to be a guy, I try my best to live that way even though I've realized over the years I have a very womanly nature. People over the years have said to me, why don't you have a sex change, or were you ever a woman, and I said I don't want to be a lesbian, and they said if you have a sex change, all will work out alright. I even remember at high school, a lady teacher said, who looks the most like a woman here to a class of boys, and they all looked around and then looked at me and started laughing. Even when I was walking through the city, a guy said to me, you're so beautiful, I want to kiss you, or a coworker saying to me, you're so sexy, can I have a date. You know for many years I tried acting like a tough guy, but this just didn't work as sooner or later most people would subconsciously see through my disguise and start treating me as a woman. I'm not going for a sex change or anything as that could be sinful, but I'm just being myself now. You know I wear men's clothes as due to a slight birth defect I'm supposed to be a man, and the Bible says it's an abomination for a man to wear women's clothes, so I don't wear women's clothes, but I did try it at times, and I looked like an absolute bombshell. Oh well, those days are over now. You know to have men constantly coming on to you because you are so beautiful is really difficult as I have the facial bone structure of a very nice female. I didn't ask for this, I didn't do anything for this to happen, but nature caused this to happen to me. However, I really like who I am and everything I am because I was made this way, and God doesn't make mistakes, so I love my emotions and feminine traits as that is who I was made to be. I think maybe more men should get in touch with their feminine side as sometimes men can be so harsh. I think that's why He made me this way. You know when this supernatural experience happened, I realized God really knows who is really a guy or a girl, and when He blessed me as one of the ladies, He didn't care what other people thought as He really knew I was one of His girls. Even my friend, a great prophetess in the church, said to me one day, "My girl," and stopped quite shocked realizing what she had said, but I think subconsciously she knew, and when we would go to the stores, she would tell me what the best lipsticks were or take me into a lovely dress shop, and we together would look at the dresses. So what does that say. I was at a sexual brokenness course once, and the leader was in such a state as he said to God that this poor man, being me, has no masculinity whatsoever. Well, it was great of him to care so much for me, and in church one day, he grabbed and put his arms around me and almost hugged me to death; however, I was feeling awkward about this, and later the pastor came to me and said you were struggling to accept Duncan's love. So I felt a bit bad, but now years later, I realized what Duncan did for me, and I am really grateful and love him so much. Now the next is really shocking, but I really have to write it because it really happened to me without me planning it or anything, and my mind just can't seem to get to grips with it. A lesbian came on to me once when I was at a medical facility; she asked if she could feel one of my breasts, and I said ok, and she felt one and said they really feel good and look very nice, and even when I was in the hospital once, a woman came to me, asked me to open my top, and saw that I had breasts, and she started examining one and treated it, and this carried on for a long time, and I must admit it felt good, so I don't mind anymore what people do to me anymore as it seems out of my control most of the time, and resisting it all the time is so tiring. If you're a very beautiful and sexy person like me, people will really try and do you. So I have given up and just let them have their way with me and do what they want to do, and as long as I make them happy, well then I'm happy as well. Last thing, I was in church service once and went to the front for prayer, and this guy came to pray for me, and he put his hand on my chest on one of my breasts, and I could feel it, and he probably did as well. I felt so embarrassed and awkward, but he just kept his hand there. So he's praying for me, but he's got his hand on my breast. I just thought, oh boy, oh boy. Well, maybe he didn't realize this, which I really hope is the case. So this is all very heavy stuff, I think, but I could tell of so many bizarre things that have happened to me like some Christian woman who seems to be sex mad, and that I somehow became friends with because of the pastor introducing me to them to give me a lift to church. They seemed to be great Christians really, and even had a kinship group and would speak prophetically, I think, but I found later that sexually they were really messed up. I don't know why this happens to people; this is beyond me. But I won't burden you any more, so really thanks for listening if you have read this far. It takes a big burden off my heart.
