I
ILoveGod
Guest
I am so depressed. Even though I would never commit suicide, I just don't have the passion for life anymore. My dad is neglecting me (and my family), and he wants to divorce my mother. My mom is sad as well, and I can't bear to see her sad. My best friend is going through a tough time as well. Her mom has been sick for so long it's just so hard to imagine her not being sick. She's had cancer, at least 10 surgeries, lyme disease, and on and on... I just got the news that she's in the hospital again... I just pray that she'll just completely heal... It's so hard for me (and her) to just sit and watch someone suffer and continue their life in this matter. There is so much negativity around me. I am so unhappy. My dad has emotionally abused me (that may be a little too exaggerated) as he has said things like "You're stupid and immature." I feel like this is never ending. I can't believe this has been going on for almost two years. I'm so sad. I call out to God EVERY day, and nothing has happened. My hope and faith is dwindling... I don't know why God won't answer me now... I'm fifteen years old, and I am so tired and exhausted. The other thing is that I am picked on for being short. I know now that God won't help me grow because I've been praying fervently and nothing has happened. God, why aren't you helping me?! I feel neglected, and I don't feel love. Every single day I ask for the Lord to help everyone around me... I love people, and I can't bear the fact that others are suffering. Although my dad has hurt me so badly, I still love him because I know people make mistakes. I just wish the love was returned by God. I wish he would be my father because at the moment, I don't have one. How many tears do I have to cry until my father heals his soul, my best friend's mom is relieved of all her pain, and that I grow taller. I also pray that my mom is blessed because I know how hard this is on her. On top of everything, my family has no money. I used to go to a private school but I had to leave my friends, my well-respected teachers, and pretty much a little bit of happiness because we couldn't afford it. Now, I have only one friend because I am homeschooled. The girls at my youth group just don't care about me. I feel like I have so much to give, but no one seems to care... not even God. I have cried until my eyes are so red... How can God not help me?! I'm exhausted. On top of everything else, I have always had awful hearing... It's gotten worse lately. I wish I could say I didn't cry writing this post, but that would be false... I just can't escape this negativity, and I've asked God to help me, but I haven't felt or seen anything from him. I cannot express how much I want all of this to go away and for me to grow, but I've asked so many times that I don't ever believe anything will happen.
