Dear Greg,
Forgive me if I take your posting literally, but please don't wish to die. Ever.
I'm on this site almost daily, like you, and I've seen and supported your prayer requests for you and Brandy to be reunited. For whatever reason, it looks to you like all hope is lost and I'm sorry. Maybe you and Brandy are meant to be together and maybe not, but God has plans for your LIFE.
Remember:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God has a future for YOU.
Stay strong and be blessed,
Val