Beymiryark
Disciple of Prayer
I'm asking all of you to spare me your little time and pray for me. My family and I are in our deepest darkest desperate time of our life. And it's going on for a very long time now. All in all, we are 11 in the family. My sister is 19 years old. She was so smart and independent before. Always a good loaf of the bread. Year representative. Athlete, class president, always on school newspaper and everything. Active in city activities and even in church activities. And still manage to help on our household chores and family gatherings. We gave her anything she wants and needs because she deserves it. She was a nice kid, have a nice and good influence friends. She only has a year left to graduate college. And then she had gone through a bad break up that leads her to drop off school, drinking to stealing and gambling. Later on she was impregnated by a married man, we were devastated. Our whole family gone through a depression. At that moment I have my own problems I can't share to my family because of what's going through. It made my mom so depressed she can't even concentrate in her business that lead us to bankruptcy and that she needed to pay a debt that is so huge. At the same time we were about to be evicted in our house that my parents and my grandparents been renting for almost 35 years, because the original owner died and the sons are fighting for its ownership. And we have nowhere to live in such a short notice. I'm the eldest of the family, 23 years old. The breadwinner of the family, the hope of all, to uplift my family in our status. The sister the role model. The one that should help my parents in sending my siblings to school. Paying bills. Parenting my siblings. Everything. But at that time I'm also having trouble with my relationships. After graduating I was absorbed in the establishment I held my OJT. It was a blessing because I immediately have a work to help support my family. I enjoyed working there for 2 years. I gained family outside my home. But then again, every company has its own flaws. Jealousy started among friends and it started some rumors and fights. I resigned. I was again devastated because it's my first job, I loved it and it betrayed me. I lost my friends. My only friend at that time who is my boyfriend, I also caught cheating. And I found out that I was pregnant also. At that very moment my dad is arrested for alleged drug selling and using. That caused his little restaurant to shut down and another huge debt to pay. Due to all of this, I think that's the reason why my other brother who is in grade 8 started to feel rebellious. He started skipping school and drinking to think it was a private and Catholic school. I bailed him out of juvenile detention for like 5 times. He's involved in gang wars. And just before finals, he dropped off. It's a waste. It's just another 2 months to finish the semester and he decided to screw up. I later found out that my second brother also quit his job (because he doesn't want to enter college) and is now stealing from my grandparents' house things to treat his friends and is also involved in street fights. My father in jail, who is still depressed from his arrest (which is we know a setup) found out everything about my pregnancy and that my partner cheated and is now nowhere to be found. About my brothers. About my sister. About all the financial crisis we're dealing with. He wants to commit suicide. My family is in deep hole. We were once a happy family. I'm not saying we're perfect but we were nice. A good Christian. A good neighbor. A good family. We helped a lot of people. I'm trying my best to be strong for my family to act strong and happy, so that my younger siblings can't feel the same. We're trying to get back up. But it seems like something is pulling us down. Everyday is a struggle to fight for food. School allowance and expenses. Bills. The pains and hurts. And to endure another day. It gets harder and harder to breathe. I'm praying day and night. Every hour. Visiting the church every day. Talking to God. Every chance I have. Praying. Crying to God out of desperation for months already. Praying for myself and my baby. My sister and her baby. My brothers. My parents. But it seems like God is so distant to me. Every time I pray it gets worse. Everyday it gets harder. As I pray harder the situations get more worse each day. I prayed to all the Saints to the Holy Trinity. To the Holy souls in purgatory. I surrendered everything to God. My mind, body, heart, and spirit. But no one seems listening. I'm starting to lose my faith day by day. There are times I'm researching about trading my soul to the evil to end all of this already. But I'm still holding a tight grip to my hairline faith. Every now and then I'm reading about testimonies of how God answers and intercedes to our prayers. How to ask God to be with me, to trust God to strengthen my faith. But as I woke up this morning to the same problems, pains, and burden. I realized that I'm so tired I can't hold on so much more. I want to rest. I can't handle it anymore. I'm done. That's why I'm asking all of you with my whole heart. Begging for you to spare me a little of your time to pray for me and my family. Because I can no longer do this anymore. I just want to be happy again. To feel that we're part of God's family. I just want to start a new us. I just want my family to rise again. I want to give my baby a complete and happy family. But I guess I can't do this anymore. Please pray for me that as the day goes and ends, that God would send me the miracles I begged of him. To show me that he is listening. To shed me and my family mercy and forgiveness. To stop me from committing the dangerous act I'm thinking about. Please pray for me that as this day ends, our burden also ends. My pains and suffering. PLEASE I BEG OF you TO PRAY FOR ME. Thank you and may God bless you all.
