Proud Servant of GOD
Beloved Warrior
I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support for my family and for my uncle. As of yesterday my uncle went to be with THE LORD. I won't use the word died because he is alive and we will see each other later. I'm sorry I didn't tell but only a few people, because I had to process it in my own weird way. I also didn't anyone including myself to make it about me and how I'm feeling or feel bad if they feel that they didn't support me enough or said the wrong thing at the wrong time (believe me my uncle was the king of telling a joke at the worst time and I loved that about him. I get my terrible sense of humor from him I'm sure). But most importantly I didn't want anyone to feel discouraged about GOD, PRAYERS, and FAITH in anyway. Yes I prayed hard and sometimes when I prayed he had a better day health wise, yes I had all the FAITH I could possibly have had, and yes we did everything we possibly could to keep him. Including amputation, a trachea, dialysis, etc., but I know that when you really want something and you have all of the FAITH in it and it doesn't go your way. Then your way doesn't match GOD'S WILL and HE being infinite in HIS knowledge knows better than you. Some may think that I should be angry with GOD for telling me to have FAITH and anything I ask for I will receive, but you have to remember GOD knows the things we don't always ask for but want even when we don't know it. Don't we all really want ourselves and our loved ones to be protected, loved, happy, healthy and safe? What if what you are asking for would compromise any of that for you or someone else? Would you still want it? Of course not and if you are a believer in GOD then you know HE is good and has your's and their best interest at heart. So no I'm not angry with GOD because I know GOD is good and HE loves my uncle more than me. I asked GOD to do what was best for my uncle, but to give us more good times together and HE did. My uncle was suffering so bad here on earth and our trying yo keep him wasn't fair to him. GOD knows that if I really loved my uncle I wouldn't want that for him no matter how bad it hurt me or how much of a tantrum I threw. Two days before he moved on the last communication I had with him. I said hey uncle___ what's going on and he gave me the biggest side smile I had ever seen and I hadn't seen him smile in so long I was so happy. But little did I know that he wanted to tell me goodbye after that he stop all forms of communication. I believe he had already gone on and his body was just going through the motions, but he didn't have to face that suffering any longer. So GOD fulfilled our more good times together. And Even though he's gone on I'm still having good times with my memories of him. Like the time he picked me up from work and my uncle a 60 something year old white man was blasting Tupac's California Love and causing me to have to bounce so I could keep up with his coolness #goals. Or the time he gave me his RHCP'S Under The Bridge cassette then like 2 days later told me "I didn't know I gave you that. I'm gonna need that back you can have it back as your inheritance when I die." And maybe others won't appreciate this but he will. I'm going to get that cassette because he will get a kick out of it and I will wait for the day when I see him again and he says "well after bugging me about that old cassette for 20 some odd years you finally got. Now will you please stop telling everybody that story?" And I will say," No! It happened and I need the ammo for when you start telling everybody those horrible lies about how bad I was." The point of this is because I want you to understand GOD loves us and it's good to have FAITH that GOD WILL heal your loved one or give you what you want because HE WILL if it's the best option, but if HE doesn't that doesn't mean HE'S not real, or you didn't have enough FAITH, or you sinned, or HE doesn't love you. It's because HE loves you and your loved one more and though it hurts so bad to see you in pain HE loves you too much to let you compromise what is best for you both.
