I want to tell her
- Thread starter Anonymous
- Start date
We have heard your heart in this, your desire to tell a woman that you have affection for her, and we join with you in bringing this before the Lord to seek His will together in Jesus' name.
We understand how strong these feelings can be, and we want to encourage you to step back first and seek the Lord's wisdom and guidance before you speak. We are reminded in Scripture to trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6. It is good to bring even a crush before God in prayer, to ask Him to search your motives and to lead you according to His perfect plan.
We want to encourage you to view this desire through a biblical lens. We believe in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman as God designed it, and we believe that any romantic interest should be approached as courtship with the goal of finding a godly spouse rather than simply pursuing a partner or a fleeting relationship. Being a boyfriend and girlfriend should be considered a season of intentional courtship aimed at discerning marriage to another Christian believer. For that reason we encourage you to ask yourself, is this woman a follower of Jesus Christ, and are you seeking her not just out of emotion but with a desire to honor God and to explore whether God might lead you both toward marriage. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity. Or what fellowship has light with darkness. 2 Corinthians 6:14. If she does not share your faith, we would urge you not to pursue a romantic relationship.
We also want to gently correct the way our culture often treats a crush. A crush can easily become rooted in outward appearance or fantasy rather than in godly love, respect, and purity. We are called to treat younger women as sisters, in all purity. 1 Timothy 5:2, and to keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23. We encourage you to examine whether your feelings are leading you toward selfless, Christlike love or toward selfish desire. And we must remind you that God calls us to flee sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18. Any courtship must remain pure, without fornication or sexual intimacy outside of marriage, for that is reserved for the covenant of marriage alone.
If after prayer and seeking wise counsel you still feel led to tell her, do so with humility, honesty, and respect, without pressure or manipulation. Be clear and kind, allow her the freedom to respond honestly, and be prepared to accept her answer with grace whether it is yes or no. Seek counsel from a pastor or mature believers around you, for where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established. Proverbs 15:22. Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4. When we delight in Him first, He shapes our desires to align with His will.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly share that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12. If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9. We encourage you to place your trust fully in Him, both for your salvation and for guidance in this relationship, and to come to the Father in His name.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we lift up this young man to You in the name of Jesus Christ. We ask that You would give him wisdom, clarity, and a pure heart as he considers this woman. Search his heart and reveal his motives, and help him to honor You above his own feelings. If it is Your will for him to share his affection with her, give him the right words spoken in love, respect, and purity, and give her a clear and peaceful response. If this is not Your will, give him grace to accept it and to guard his heart from disappointment or bitterness. Lead them both toward godly spouses and marriages that honor You, and help him to walk in holiness, fleeing all sexual immorality and treating her as a sister in Christ until and unless You make a covenant of marriage clear. Draw him closer to Jesus, that he would trust in Your perfect timing and Your good plans for his life. We ask that Your will be done in this situation and that You would be glorified in all of it. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to continue in prayer, to stay in the Word, and to seek godly counsel as you take this next step, trusting that God will direct your paths.
We understand how strong these feelings can be, and we want to encourage you to step back first and seek the Lord's wisdom and guidance before you speak. We are reminded in Scripture to trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6. It is good to bring even a crush before God in prayer, to ask Him to search your motives and to lead you according to His perfect plan.
We want to encourage you to view this desire through a biblical lens. We believe in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman as God designed it, and we believe that any romantic interest should be approached as courtship with the goal of finding a godly spouse rather than simply pursuing a partner or a fleeting relationship. Being a boyfriend and girlfriend should be considered a season of intentional courtship aimed at discerning marriage to another Christian believer. For that reason we encourage you to ask yourself, is this woman a follower of Jesus Christ, and are you seeking her not just out of emotion but with a desire to honor God and to explore whether God might lead you both toward marriage. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity. Or what fellowship has light with darkness. 2 Corinthians 6:14. If she does not share your faith, we would urge you not to pursue a romantic relationship.
We also want to gently correct the way our culture often treats a crush. A crush can easily become rooted in outward appearance or fantasy rather than in godly love, respect, and purity. We are called to treat younger women as sisters, in all purity. 1 Timothy 5:2, and to keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23. We encourage you to examine whether your feelings are leading you toward selfless, Christlike love or toward selfish desire. And we must remind you that God calls us to flee sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18. Any courtship must remain pure, without fornication or sexual intimacy outside of marriage, for that is reserved for the covenant of marriage alone.
If after prayer and seeking wise counsel you still feel led to tell her, do so with humility, honesty, and respect, without pressure or manipulation. Be clear and kind, allow her the freedom to respond honestly, and be prepared to accept her answer with grace whether it is yes or no. Seek counsel from a pastor or mature believers around you, for where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established. Proverbs 15:22. Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4. When we delight in Him first, He shapes our desires to align with His will.
We also noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly share that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12. If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9. We encourage you to place your trust fully in Him, both for your salvation and for guidance in this relationship, and to come to the Father in His name.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we lift up this young man to You in the name of Jesus Christ. We ask that You would give him wisdom, clarity, and a pure heart as he considers this woman. Search his heart and reveal his motives, and help him to honor You above his own feelings. If it is Your will for him to share his affection with her, give him the right words spoken in love, respect, and purity, and give her a clear and peaceful response. If this is not Your will, give him grace to accept it and to guard his heart from disappointment or bitterness. Lead them both toward godly spouses and marriages that honor You, and help him to walk in holiness, fleeing all sexual immorality and treating her as a sister in Christ until and unless You make a covenant of marriage clear. Draw him closer to Jesus, that he would trust in Your perfect timing and Your good plans for his life. We ask that Your will be done in this situation and that You would be glorified in all of it. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to continue in prayer, to stay in the Word, and to seek godly counsel as you take this next step, trusting that God will direct your paths.
Thank you for sharing this honestly. That nervous, hopeful feeling when you like someone is very human, and it takes courage even to name it out loud.
We are glad you want to handle this well and with respect for her.
Before you tell her, it can help to get clear with yourself first. What is it you actually want to say, and what are you hoping for after? Sometimes just sorting out your own thoughts and feelings for a minute makes the words come out calmer and kinder when you do speak. It also helps you stay steady no matter how she responds.
When you do talk to her, keep it simple, private, and low pressure. A brief, honest word in person, in a calm moment when neither of you is rushed, often communicates care best. How we say something matters as much as what we say, our tone, our body language, and giving her space to respond without feeling cornered all show respect.
It can also help to talk it through beforehand with one trusted, mature friend or mentor who knows you both, just to get perspective on timing and approach.
We are praying for you in this.
Father, we lift up our brother to You, You see his heart and his care for this woman. Grant him wisdom, clarity and a gentle, respectful way to speak, and peace to receive her response with grace. Guide them both and draw him closer to You in the process. In Jesus' name, amen.
We are glad you want to handle this well and with respect for her.
Before you tell her, it can help to get clear with yourself first. What is it you actually want to say, and what are you hoping for after? Sometimes just sorting out your own thoughts and feelings for a minute makes the words come out calmer and kinder when you do speak. It also helps you stay steady no matter how she responds.
When you do talk to her, keep it simple, private, and low pressure. A brief, honest word in person, in a calm moment when neither of you is rushed, often communicates care best. How we say something matters as much as what we say, our tone, our body language, and giving her space to respond without feeling cornered all show respect.
It can also help to talk it through beforehand with one trusted, mature friend or mentor who knows you both, just to get perspective on timing and approach.
We are praying for you in this.
Father, we lift up our brother to You, You see his heart and his care for this woman. Grant him wisdom, clarity and a gentle, respectful way to speak, and peace to receive her response with grace. Guide them both and draw him closer to You in the process. In Jesus' name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your honest desire to speak plainly is itself a mark of grace, for the true Christian is not only to be seen in the singing of hymns and the offering of prayers, but he is to be distinguished by the honesty, integrity, the courage and the faithfulness of his ordinary character. To confess anything with the mouth is rightly understood to be a deed of courage, exposing the soul to peril and to answer, and it should never be done lightly.
Therefore I would have you pause and bring this feeling before the Lord before you bring it before her. We are prone to be tossed and toiled with feelings, and the more we feel, the less we may be sure that our feelings are of the right kind. Ask yourself in the fear of God whether this affection is a passing fancy or a settled esteem that could look toward that lifelong covenant which God has ordained for one man and one woman, where love is given wholly and kept purely. Every affection must be brought under the lordship of Christ, for we are to confess all His words as well as Himself, and to order our loves according to His holy design, in which intimacy and life together belong only within marriage. If your heart is drawn in a way that does not accord with that design, then your first confession must be to God Himself, with the publican's prayer, God be merciful to me a sinner, trusting Christ alone for salvation and for power to make your affections chaste and ordered.
If upon searching your heart you find a sober and honorable regard for this woman, and you are a man free before God to seek a wife, then let your speech be marked by that same integrity. Do not be like one who had knowledge of the truth but had not the courage to openly acknowledge it and stood shivering while others went forward. Yet courage must be joined with humility. Take counsel of godly parents or mature and faithful friends, for to any young person who has had a godly father and mother, the best way is to follow the road in which their principles would conduct them, and to pause before any deviation. Pray earnestly, that the Lord would guard both your heart and hers.
When you speak, let confessing with the mouth follow believing with the heart, that is, let your words be true to what you soberly believe before God, not flattery nor manipulation. Speak simply and without pressure, honoring her as one made in God's image, leaving her free to answer as the Lord directs her, and being prepared to receive either answer with grace and purity. Let better feelings sway you, not vanity or conquest, but a sincere desire for her good.
Whether she receives your words with gladness or otherwise, commit your way to the Lord. He who hedges His people with prayers will give you grace to walk faithfully. Seek first to be faithful to Christ, and He will order your steps. May the Lord give you a clean heart, a watchful tongue, and a willingness to follow Him wherever He leads, trusting that His will is good and that He withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly.
Therefore I would have you pause and bring this feeling before the Lord before you bring it before her. We are prone to be tossed and toiled with feelings, and the more we feel, the less we may be sure that our feelings are of the right kind. Ask yourself in the fear of God whether this affection is a passing fancy or a settled esteem that could look toward that lifelong covenant which God has ordained for one man and one woman, where love is given wholly and kept purely. Every affection must be brought under the lordship of Christ, for we are to confess all His words as well as Himself, and to order our loves according to His holy design, in which intimacy and life together belong only within marriage. If your heart is drawn in a way that does not accord with that design, then your first confession must be to God Himself, with the publican's prayer, God be merciful to me a sinner, trusting Christ alone for salvation and for power to make your affections chaste and ordered.
If upon searching your heart you find a sober and honorable regard for this woman, and you are a man free before God to seek a wife, then let your speech be marked by that same integrity. Do not be like one who had knowledge of the truth but had not the courage to openly acknowledge it and stood shivering while others went forward. Yet courage must be joined with humility. Take counsel of godly parents or mature and faithful friends, for to any young person who has had a godly father and mother, the best way is to follow the road in which their principles would conduct them, and to pause before any deviation. Pray earnestly, that the Lord would guard both your heart and hers.
When you speak, let confessing with the mouth follow believing with the heart, that is, let your words be true to what you soberly believe before God, not flattery nor manipulation. Speak simply and without pressure, honoring her as one made in God's image, leaving her free to answer as the Lord directs her, and being prepared to receive either answer with grace and purity. Let better feelings sway you, not vanity or conquest, but a sincere desire for her good.
Whether she receives your words with gladness or otherwise, commit your way to the Lord. He who hedges His people with prayers will give you grace to walk faithfully. Seek first to be faithful to Christ, and He will order your steps. May the Lord give you a clean heart, a watchful tongue, and a willingness to follow Him wherever He leads, trusting that His will is good and that He withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly.
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