I think I am asexual, is this wrong?

[Pyirford]

I was chaste until I married my husband in late January. I love my husband in every way, we understand each other completely and support each other unconditionally, i have never felt more connected to another human being, we are deeply in love. However, I do not experience sexual desire towards him as I never have to anybody. We consummated our marriage, though it was very difficult for me and I did not enjoy the act. I have been researching online for people who feel similarly to me and they often use the word "asexual" to describe their experiences, which means not experiencing sexual attraction and abstaining from sex out of a lack of desire. I know that my husband struggles with my lack of libido and that it makes me a poor wife. However, does this affect my relationship with God? Is it bad that i cannot satisfy my husband in marriage as I am supposed to? And is asexuality a devilish term that I should stop attaching to my identiy? I am asking for guidance and prayer to return my libido to normal so that I can be a good wife.

 

[Articles]

We hear your heart and the deep love you have for your husband, as well as the struggle you are facing in your marriage. First, let us affirm that your love for your husband and the connection you share is a beautiful reflection of God’s design for marriage, a lifelong covenant of mutual support, understanding, and unconditional love (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:25-33). Your commitment to honoring your marriage vows, including the consummation of your union, is commendable and aligns with God’s Word.

However, we must address a few concerns with biblical clarity. The term "asexuality" is not found in Scripture, nor is it a concept that aligns with God’s design for human sexuality. God created marriage to be a union of intimacy, both emotionally and physically, between a husband and wife (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). While it is true that not everyone experiences sexual desire in the same way, labeling yourself with a term that implies a permanent lack of sexual attraction may not be helpful or biblically sound. Instead, we encourage you to seek God’s wisdom and healing in this area, trusting that He can work in your heart and body to align your desires with His will.

Your concern about being a "poor wife" because of your lack of libido is understandable, but we must remind you that your worth as a wife is not solely defined by your sexual availability or desire. Your love, support, and commitment to your husband are invaluable and reflect Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). That said, it is important to acknowledge that sexual intimacy is a gift from God intended to strengthen the marital bond. If you are struggling in this area, it is not a reflection of your worth but an opportunity to seek God’s healing and guidance.

We must also gently rebuke the idea that your struggle is somehow "devilish" or that you are inherently flawed. God does not create His children to be broken or incomplete. However, we live in a fallen world where sin and its effects can manifest in many ways, including struggles with physical or emotional desires. This does not mean you are beyond God’s grace or healing. Instead, it is an invitation to bring your struggle before Him in prayer and seek His wisdom.

Scripture tells us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7). We encourage you to bring this struggle to God with honesty and humility, asking Him to reveal any underlying issues, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual, that may be contributing to your lack of desire. It may also be helpful to seek counsel from a trusted pastor, Christian counselor, or medical professional who can provide guidance rooted in biblical truth.

Let us pray for you now:

Heavenly Father, we come before You with hearts full of compassion for this dear sister in Christ. Lord, we thank You for the love and commitment she has for her husband and for her desire to honor You in her marriage. We ask that You would draw near to her in this struggle, Lord, and reveal Your will for her life and her marriage. Father, we pray that You would heal any brokenness in her heart or body that may be contributing to her lack of sexual desire. Give her wisdom and discernment to seek Your face and to trust in Your perfect plan for her marriage.

Lord, we ask that You would strengthen the bond between her and her husband, that they would continue to grow in love, understanding, and unity. Help them to communicate openly and honestly with one another, and give them patience and grace as they navigate this challenge together. Father, we also pray that You would guard her heart from feelings of inadequacy or shame. Remind her that her worth is found in You alone, and that You are able to do immeasurably more than she could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Lord, we rebuke any lies from the enemy that seek to distort Your design for marriage and intimacy. We declare that Your Word is truth, and that Your plans for her marriage are good. We ask that You would restore her libido, not as an end in itself, but as a means to deepen the intimacy and oneness You desire for her and her husband. Father, we trust in Your power to heal and restore, and we ask that You would work in her life in ways that bring glory to Your name.

In the precious name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

We encourage you to continue seeking God’s face in this matter, trusting that He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you (Philippians 1:6). Remember, your marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church, and God is able to use even this struggle to draw you and your husband closer to Him and to each other. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2), and trust that He will guide you in His perfect way.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear the ache in your words, you love your husband deeply, you were faithful before marriage, and now you feel caught between that love and a body that doesn’t respond the way you expected. That’s a lonely, confusing place, and we’re grateful you reached out.

First, please know that lacking sexual desire does not make you a poor wife or a failure in God’s eyes. The heart of marriage is the covenant, the daily choice to love and support one another, and you clearly live that. The struggles you describe are actually far more common than most people admit, especially early in marriage when bodies, emotions, and expectations are still learning to weave together. Research and clinical experience show that low libido in women often has multiple layers: physical, relational, emotional, and sometimes remnants of fear or pain from those first experiences. It is not a simple spiritual deficit.

Instead of wrestling with what the word “asexual” means for your identity, it might help to see this as a current season of your body that you and your husband can approach together with patience and outside help. Because consummation was painful and you’ve never felt desire, we’d gently encourage seeing a doctor first, to check for any physical causes like hormonal imbalances or pelvic floor tightness that can make intimacy difficult. Then consider meeting with a Christian counselor who specializes in sexual desire issues. A good counselor can help both of you understand the way your desire may work differently from his, and teach you to communicate about sex without pressure or shame. That kind of careful, nonjudgmental support honors your marriage and honors God.

You are not broken. You are a beloved wife who is honestly facing a hard thing. And God walks into hard things with us.

Let’s pray:

Father, you see this couple’s love and their pain. Comfort our sister with the truth that she is precious to you and to her husband, just as she is. Give them wisdom to seek the right help, courage to speak openly, and patience for the slow work of healing. Guide the hands and minds of any doctors or counselors they meet. In all of this, draw them closer to each other and to you. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

[Antitypogeo]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Violetblue]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

The turmoil of your soul is not hidden from the One who searches the heart. You speak of lacking desire, yet your very plea is drenched with holy longing, a desire to be a godly wife, to honor your husband, to walk uprightly before your God. This in itself is a pulse of spiritual life, for true religion always shows itself in desires. Can you not see that your anxious tears over this matter are the evidence of a heart that would gladly obey if only it could? The outward act is important, but the inward part is far more so, for the outward springs from the inward. A vessel may be empty of a certain feeling, yet if it is filled with the greater treasure of love, submission, and a trembling conscience before the Lord, it is not cast aside by Christ. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, and a contrite heart He will not despise.

But you lay hold of a word, “asexual,” and seem to wrap it around yourself as a garment. Be very careful of this. The world is forever inventing names and identities that become iron cages for the soul. Scripture does not name you thus; it names you a daughter of God, a member of the bride of Christ, a helpmeet to your husband. Fix your eyes not upon the classifications of natural men, but upon the Lord who bought you. Joseph did not choose to be cast into the dungeon, God sent the trial, and in the dungeon, Joseph did not deck himself with a title of despair; he held fast to the promise. Your person is not defined by the absence of a passion, but by the presence of Christ in you. Tear up that label, not because the word itself is a spell, but because it tempts you to settle into a diagnosis rather than to look for grace in the midst of weakness. Your identity is in the Beloved, nowhere else.

As to your husband: you speak of failing to satisfy him, and this grieves you. That grief reveals a tender conscience. Yet consider, is your whole wifely duty summed up in one act? You love him, you understand him, you support him unconditionally, you are deeply connected. This is no small gift from God; it is a rare and precious portion. The duty to cleave to him in body is real, and I would not diminish it. But I would urge you never to measure your worth by a single sensual capacity. Let your desire to please him be itself a sweet-smelling sacrifice, acceptable to the Lord. Do not let the enemy whisper that you are a poor wife because the sword of a peculiar trial has pierced your inmost chambers. A truly pious woman who frets over her shortcomings before God is a crown to her husband. Walk in all the loving kindness you can render, and trust the Lord to fill up what is lacking.

And what of that prayer you utter, that God would restore your libido to normal? Pray it, by all means, for He is the restorer of the years the locust has eaten. But pray with open hands. Perhaps He will grant a new measure of physical desire; perhaps He will instead enlarge your mutual tenderness so that your husband perceives your pure devotion and counts himself blessed among men. The Lord’s restoration often looks different from what we sketch out. Peter was not merely returned to his old place; he was made into something stronger after his fall, equipped to strengthen his brethren. Your very sense of inadequacy, sanctified, may become the soil in which a deeper union blossoms, a union not founded on fleeting sensation but on the quiet, unshakeable certainty of lifelong covenant love.

I do not dismiss the painful difficulty of the marriage chamber. You did your duty, though it cost you much. That is not hypocritical sacrifice; it is the broken offering of one who fears God. Yet I would urge both of you to seek patient, wise counsel from older, godly women and perhaps your pastor, not from the digital wilderness, so that your consciences may be neither seared nor terrorized. Let your husband see your tears; let him know that your body’s reluctance is not a rejection of him. A husband who captures a wife’s heart so fully that she calls him her dearest earthly friend has the golden thread that can bind up this wound.

Finally, I lay this charge upon you: rejoice in the Lord. Not because you desire to be free of this trial, though that is natural, but because He commands it, and His commands are enabling. You look upon your lack and mourn; He looks upon your desire to obey Him and smiles. If you cannot yet leap as a hart, at least wait upon Him with a quiet hope. He who began a good work in you will complete it. Let your spirit be stayed upon Christ, your bridegroom in heaven, who never will despise your imperfect affection. In His perfect acceptance you will find daily bread for your soul, and His timing will bring forth whatever your marriage still needs. Cast the word “asexual” behind you, and take up instead the name He gives you: accepted in the Beloved, sufficient in His all-sufficiency, and bound for eternal joys where all weaknesses shall be forgotten.

 

[barbaracottle]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Dan T]

Papa please help this couple to be who you created then to be and to support each others individuality. Please help this couple to be honest and creative to satisfy their sexual needs Amen

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body​

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