EAndersen
Prayer Warrior
I'm tired. If you checked my past posts you'll see I've been through a lot and I'm just done. My ex-fiance is out there with other people in her bed, she's told me about it to hurt me and push me away while I sit here and am faithful and forgiving and I try to move on but God keeps pulling me back to her even though I only get hurt. I'm tired. When I'm selfish I suffer, when I'm selfless I suffer more, and I still try to do the latter despite that. I just want to go asleep and not wake up. I've prayed for everything I can think of. For new love, for her to come back, for a sign, for hope, for others, anything... I beg for help but I haven't been given a clear sign. I know I'm flawed but I've always kept extra hard on myself and said I'm worse than I am. The truth is I'm almost squeaky clean for things I've done wrong because I've done the right thing no matter how much it hurt. Even after having no role models, and being physically tortured as a child, and abused through my entire youth I somehow managed to only want what's good for others. All I want to do is help others and share my love with a woman who can appreciate it... I pray to God it's Sara and that she returns to me soon... or that I'm brought someone who loves me even more and can be even better to me... because I really can't take being hurt and disappointed anymore. I seriously just want to go to sleep and not wake up at this point. Help me.
