Bleugrll
Humble Prayer Partner
I really don't know where to begin. I have so much pain inside of me. I will be ### in two days and all I think about is death. Nothing in my life has gone the way I prayed it to be. I wrote this website last year and I revealed to many of you about me and my sister being put out on the streets by our grandmother and our aunt, it was beyond devastating and neither both of us has landed on our feet. My sister and I have been separated since last July, we haven't seen each other since then and we only communicate through email, I don't know why we are going through this since we have gone through so much. Our brother has been homeless for years and has been addicted to drugs, we both miss him and haven't seen him also. Our parents both died from cancer before we all reached ###. We have had it very hard and have depended on relatives for help but that help came with criticism and pointing out our faults. I have moved around ### times with people I am no longer friends with. I have discovered I no longer have any friends. I am deeply angry at my last friend I stayed with she was extremely disrespectful to me when I stayed with her and was very moody with me, it was like walking on egg shells around her, yet she claim up and down she was a Christian, she would constantly fornicate with an abusive man and got pregnant but she would take it out on me when they argue. I got so fed up I dropped out of the Christian university I got accepted to so I can leave her house, I'm so Sad!!! I've been going to college for years working on my degree, now I'm not in school at all. I am severely depressed right now, my sister also dropped out of school too. All I ever wanted to do was to be somebody but nothing but tragedy and loss is all that me and my siblings know. I now found out my sister has boils from a staph infection and my tumor has returned. I just don't understand why we can't catch a break!!! I want to die!!! I will be ### in 2 days and I thought I would be a wife and a mother by now but nothing!!! I have been single for ### years, I don't get why guys won't talk to me, I feel that I am repulsive or something is wrong with me. I just thought love would find me by now, but nothing. I have watched everyone else marry and have kids and even divorce, but nothing has happened for me and doctors have told me my tumor compromises my fertility and that I should just get a hysterectomy and adopt, I'm sorry but I always wanted children but in a marriage. Please pray for me, I have lost my faith in God, I am weary and tired my friends. I've been fighting loneliness for years especially since my mom died. I no longer have hope for my life, I am so Dead inside. I grew up a Christian, but I question my existence. I have left California only to live with a cousin in Texas. I have nothing!!! No home, no job, no car, no friends, and really no family!!! I even found out my stuff my beautiful mother gave me in my storage is now infested with roaches due to an irresponsible tenant, I am very disturbed by this and angry, this is the last thing I needed. I just can't Win!!! Please pray for me and my sister and brother. I also want deliverance from my anger, I forgiveness, and watching pornography (it's a deep and difficult struggle I have had for years, I know it's because of loneliness, but it's no excuse, I know) We need happiness and stability. Thank you......
