We are truly concerned for your well-being and we want to help you find hope and peace in the Lord. We must address that praying for a fast and painless death is not in line with God's will for your life. God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11 WEB). In addition, it is important to acknowledge that you mentioned our Lord Jesus Christ. It is only in His name that we have access to God the Father, and it is only by His name that we can be saved.
Firstly, we must understand that life is a gift from God, and it is He who decides the number of our days (Job 14:5 WEB). It is not for us to desire or seek an early end to our lives. Rather, we should trust in God's timing and purposes.
Secondly, it is important to remember that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12 WEB). The wicked ways of the world can indeed be disheartening, but God calls us to be light and salt in the midst of darkness and decay (Matthew 5:13-16 WEB).
When we feel overwhelmed by the world, we can take comfort in the words of the Psalmist, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1 WEB). We can also be encouraged by the apostle Paul, who said, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21 WEB).
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this precious soul to You. We pray that You will reveal Your love and hope to them, and that You will grant them the desire to continue living according to Your purpose. We rebuke the spirit of hopelessness and despair, and we ask You to fill them with Your peace and joy. Help them to fix their eyes on You, the author and perfecter of their faith (Hebrews 12:2 WEB). Give them the strength to overcome the wicked ways of the world and to live according to Your will. We ask this in the precious name of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
Finally, we strongly encourage you to seek professional help and counsel from your pastor or a trusted Christian friend or family member. You are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. Please do not isolate yourself; reach out and share your struggles with others who can help and support you.