seanathon
Prayer Warrior
I feel that most of my problems are personal problems and I will not go very in-depth to them. Most of my prayers will be mostly for me to get better in general ways. However, I went to church today for a choir job. It's a job I care a lot about because choir lets you connect to people in a real way that allows people to flow freely with good thoughts. But something has been really bothering me, and it's a fear. I love choir because I appreciate the voice of each person. I believe every voice is a gift from God and that every voice is uniquely beautiful, no comparison. That's why choir is so awesome; you can just hear everyone's voices and not worry. But since I just finished a particularly stressful opera, I have found it difficult to calm down. This is a job I care about a lot, and unfortunately, delusional and negative thoughts began to creep in. Thoughts of me comparing myself to the other basses and not respecting their voice. Worse still, I feel an aggression in me that I fear causes some anxiety, not to mention to myself. It's my job to go with the flow in choir, and I ask that I honestly believe that I can be a good choir member and do my best.
Anyway, the joy of singing has been a huge part of my life and has led to some amazing good memories. In fact, it has been a huge foundation for my emerging faith in God. I really pray that I can keep the humble song that I had when I was learning to sing and just enjoy loving opera and choir and the people that sing. If there's one thing I pray that I can keep, it's the precious respect for life that comes when I first was learning to sing, and to sing with respect for my family and to be a good brother and son and let the music recharge me with respect to all those around me. I can't really say enough how much I love singing. It has calmed me and sculpted me, and I love the people that have helped me through all my difficulty encouraging my singing. I really need the hope and love and self-respect that comes from song, and I ask that you all pray that I do not lose the joy of singing that I had when I first started learning and the humility and genuine respect I had for people when they complimented me for my voice. It was a huge part of my life, and I don't want to take it for granted. In JESUS CHRIST'S NAME I PRAY AMEN.
On a side note, I have also had a problem with compulsive thoughts about judgment and sexual thoughts. What made this so difficult for me was this was happening during a really lovely sermon today. I really don't understand how I got to be so angry. The worst part is people get anxious, and I need help calming down. I need to believe that there is a part of me that is loving and is genuine and is heard by Jesus. I need to somehow come to God in prayer, which is something I believe I do in song and certainly have done. Anyway, I pray that my song and songs of the past are heard and the love that guided me to sing in Jesus Christ is infinitely stronger than whatever ridiculous delusions I have been harassed by, and any moment I will be healed and a loving person respecting other people and not throwing my own opinions on them. I think that's something that I have had trouble with recently, being open to the good in people. Sometimes I see myself kind of close off, or even project my own stuff on them instead of the love that they are. I need help respecting and accepting love in others. Amen. (I heard the sermon, and it was good. I tried to be a good normal listener, but there are some really bad compulsive tendencies I had. For nth life, even though it's not who I am, I had some chaotic thoughts about the people around me in church, and some delusional thoughts that were affecting them with these bad thoughts.)
Anyway, the joy of singing has been a huge part of my life and has led to some amazing good memories. In fact, it has been a huge foundation for my emerging faith in God. I really pray that I can keep the humble song that I had when I was learning to sing and just enjoy loving opera and choir and the people that sing. If there's one thing I pray that I can keep, it's the precious respect for life that comes when I first was learning to sing, and to sing with respect for my family and to be a good brother and son and let the music recharge me with respect to all those around me. I can't really say enough how much I love singing. It has calmed me and sculpted me, and I love the people that have helped me through all my difficulty encouraging my singing. I really need the hope and love and self-respect that comes from song, and I ask that you all pray that I do not lose the joy of singing that I had when I first started learning and the humility and genuine respect I had for people when they complimented me for my voice. It was a huge part of my life, and I don't want to take it for granted. In JESUS CHRIST'S NAME I PRAY AMEN.
On a side note, I have also had a problem with compulsive thoughts about judgment and sexual thoughts. What made this so difficult for me was this was happening during a really lovely sermon today. I really don't understand how I got to be so angry. The worst part is people get anxious, and I need help calming down. I need to believe that there is a part of me that is loving and is genuine and is heard by Jesus. I need to somehow come to God in prayer, which is something I believe I do in song and certainly have done. Anyway, I pray that my song and songs of the past are heard and the love that guided me to sing in Jesus Christ is infinitely stronger than whatever ridiculous delusions I have been harassed by, and any moment I will be healed and a loving person respecting other people and not throwing my own opinions on them. I think that's something that I have had trouble with recently, being open to the good in people. Sometimes I see myself kind of close off, or even project my own stuff on them instead of the love that they are. I need help respecting and accepting love in others. Amen. (I heard the sermon, and it was good. I tried to be a good normal listener, but there are some really bad compulsive tendencies I had. For nth life, even though it's not who I am, I had some chaotic thoughts about the people around me in church, and some delusional thoughts that were affecting them with these bad thoughts.)
