Johnsstarry sky
Humble Prayer Partner
I need prayer for myself!!!! God has blessed me with many answered prayers this year, from getting my beautiful four-legged angel ### through her surgeries and making sure she doesn't have cancer, to helping my Mom come through her hospital stays, and I've thanked him over and over and over again!!! But today, I screamed out bloody murder to God!!! I told him if you don't take me out of this world I will do it myself because I'm sick of everything that keeps happening in my life!!!! I have asked for others to pray with me for a job!!!! I can't even get a job that pays a lousy $###.### an hour!!!! I've asked others to pray with me to find a new apt home, one that we can afford to get out of the expenses of the one we live at now!!!! Two weeks ago I went in for an interview for a lousy $###.### an hour and didn't even get that job that was only ### hours a week!!!! Today I received a phone call that we were denied acceptance for a lousy Manufactured home rental which would have been so much less than what we pay now!!!! I've been sick myself, and started strong meds today and I asked my mother to let me sleep and she's getting worse and worse and worse thinking I need to be there every single minute of the day!!!! Went out to get us all something to eat and turned the corner and my Pop went flying across the car and I lost it!!!!! I kicked the car and I screamed to God will you just let me die for once!!!! Last week I took my engagement ring and wedding ring and the engagement ring of my partner of Nineteen years and flushed them down the toilet!!!! I got out of the car last week in the middle of a busy road and told my partner to go to hell and that I would walk home, and I did in ### degree weather!!!! Told him I'm done with our lives together!!!! Today I told my elderly Mother that I'm sick of her and I don't care what God says!!!!! I just wished that I wasn't raised in a religious-like family and taught right from wrong!!!! I would take a knife so fast and slice my wrist and throat and laugh as I bled to death!!!! The only thing that keeps me from doing that is knowing that it would be wrong and that I would never get to see my four-legged kids ever again in Heaven, and that's where I want to be in the worst way!!!! I want to be with them in a place where I finally feel love and peace!!!! I'm so angry, so angry, so angry, I want God to know that I love him and thank him so much for what he's done for me, but at the same time I'm over this life and I just want to be set free!!!!!

