Laurie , my prayer for you is that as you call upon His name , that His presence so fills you with His Spirit of love that nothing else matters , I pray for the blessings of God for your life and that you will read your bible to hear what your heavenly Father has to say about you , that you are highly valued and loved beyond measure , Please read Jeremiah 29 : 11 . Right now we bind the voice of the enemy and loose the Holy Spirit of God to speak to your heart and mind . Remember that you are a child of the most high God and that He has you here on this earth to fulfill His calling on your life that is why the enemy wants you to end your life , because you are SO important to God . I pray that you will seek His wisdom and He will speak to your heart .