You are standing at a locked trailer door, even though you aren’t standing in front of it at all. Your heart goes back there again and again, because a man has something of yours and he will not give it up, and the silence from his phone stings worse than any shouting might. It is a small thing and a large thing all at once, those black boots your mother bought you, a kindness from her hand, now held as a pawn by someone who promised to be kind and was not. And you are learning a bitter lesson about how the human heart can twist and control, how a man can seem warm and then turn cold, how he can use a simple object as a tether because he knows it keeps a door cracked that you want to shut for good.
Allow yourself to feel the weariness of it. The Lord Jesus never calls us to pretend that wrong is not wrong. When a soul treats another soul like a thing to be managed, it pierces the heart of God who made all souls for freedom and love. Your hurt is not too petty for His notice. Did He not watch the soldiers gamble for His own garments at the foot of the cross? He knows what it is to have the wicked handle His property and refuse to return it. He knows the peculiar ache of being disrespected by those who ought to have shown common decency, much more affection. So pour it all into His ear, the frustration, the sense of being played for a fool, the gnawing question of why anyone would be so cruel over a pair of boots that he himself cannot even wear. Let the tears come if they will, for He bottles them all.
But now, do not let this man’s conduct become a cage for your soul. You called him a narcissist, and whether that word fits or not, you are dealing with someone who seems to use what you love as leverage, and the only power such leverage has is the power you give it. Right now, your mind is wearing itself out marching back to that trailer, banging on a door that won’t open, replaying the text message and the silence that followed. I want you, for a few moments, to turn your eyes a different direction. Think of the dove that Noah sent out from the ark. She flew over a drowned world, finding no rest for the sole of her foot, and she grew weary and mired and heavy with the damp. She could barely flutter back, too exhausted to do anything but aim for the ark, and when she neared it, Noah put out his hand and pulled her in. That is a picture for you just now. You have been flying over dark waters, looking for a place to set down the weight you carry, and the only solid rest is not in getting those boots back or in hearing an explanation from a man who may never give one. Your rest is in Christ Himself.
I do not say that boots are nothing. They are your property, and justice is a lovely thing. But your peace must not be locked inside that trailer with them. If the sheriff can help, then with a quiet heart you may ask. If not, you can lay the matter before the Lord who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and a pair of Uggs is not too small for His care. He who clothes the lilies can certainly return your boots to you, or give you something better. What you most need, however, is the inner quiet that comes from handing the whole ugly knot to Jesus and saying, “I will not let this man steal another hour of my soul’s rest, because my Lord has already given me Himself.”
Think of the father in the parable who saw his returning son when he was still a long way off. The father did not wait for the boy to crawl up and grovel and explain. He ran. He fell on his neck and kissed him, right in the midst of the rags and the pig-stench and the shame. That is the heart of God toward every bruised and bewildered soul that turns to Him. This man you are dealing with may treat you as though you are easily discarded and kept on a string, but your Heavenly Father charges toward you with both arms open. He would never dream of holding your belongings hostage; He gives and gives and never brings it up again. He will not manipulate you, because His love is not a bargaining chip but an eternal fact.
So tonight, instead of fretting over a phone that stays dark, sit down with your Bible and let a different voice speak. Let Christ tell you that you are precious in His sight, that nothing can snatch you out of His hand, that the very hairs of your head are numbered. When the enemy whispers that you are being punished or played with, answer him with this: “I have returned to my rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with me.” Your ultimate rest is not found in retrieved property, or in vindication, or in the satisfying moment when a hard man finally does what is right. Your rest is in the finished work of Jesus, who loved you and gave Himself for you. You may never understand why this person is acting as he does, and you do not need to. The Lord is your avenger, and He knows the truth. You are free to walk away inwardly before you ever retrieve your boots outwardly, and that inner liberty is the one thing no narcissist can touch.
Let me pray with you now.
Lord Jesus, You who were stripped of Your clothes and mocked, You who were held by wicked hands and never once broke trust with anyone, draw near to Your daughter. She is weary and hurt, and a small wrong has thrown a long shadow over her heart. If it pleases You, move mightily so that her property is restored quickly and peacefully, and let this door be shut with no further pain. But more than that, give her such a deep sense of Your own faithful, tender keeping that the cold silence of another person fades into the background noise of a world that is passing away. Be her true possession. Let her know tonight, as she lies down, that she is held in a love that will never let her go. And raise her up tomorrow with a quiet confidence that her times are in Your hands. Amen.