Your not far from God..when you can see yourself for who you are, you're on the right track. Living for God is a mindset...so set your mind to learn about Him...go with an open mind and heart...I too came out of what some people think is a "cult"...I too struggle at times with old doctrines and such...Know that God is with you and He has a special plan and purpose for you and your wife...life is so hard that making your spouse your enemy is not good for any marriage...marriage has its ups and downs all on its own...don't separate yourself from your wife in any way shape or form...talk to her from your heart, your words touched us and we don't even know you...your heart is good, son, do the right thing...all things in the past are just that, in the past...it's just garbage that you're not willing to get rid of...self-pity is a spirit that is seeking to destroy you...I don't know your story but I can tell you mine would probably outdo yours...and GOD made a way for me to go. Stand still and know that He is God...make your wife your helpmate, not your enemy, and walk in full obedience to His word...let all things from the past go and start new...with a new mind, heart, and spirit...Lord fill him with Your Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking with other tongues in Jesus' name...Become the warrior that God needs you to be, walking in full obedience of His Truth in Jesus' name....God bless and seek Peace, you will always find God there...how do you follow Peace? What happens with me is if I "feel" anxiety in my stomach, it's NOT God...find Peace in the situation and follow that...God bless