U
usmith
Guest
I have a question I need to know the truth because NOW i REALLY want to always be free. I think its a curse on my life because of sexual immorality and sins every since 2009. It started with lusting over girls that I could not get and i came across some explicit things I started to watch. it was not porn yet, and I started to become desensitized and ignorant to what i see now in my life that has cause great damage and ruin me. It got worse as I wanted more and did not care so I came across someone through a so called friend from high school and not only did we have sex in a ran down hotel but I paid her for it!! After that I really did not want to go on in any of that anymore but shame,guilt,regret and condemnation and feeling like I cant change and get right and my downfall and downspiral continued when I went to the army which I believe is why I couldnt last but I started drinking getting drunk and going to strip clubs and 'message parlors' all through while I was in the army except when I had a girlfriend that I did have sex with. When I got out the army I did not go anymore to those places except once out of the 2+ years being back home BUT after while when I first got out I became really drawned and hooked on porn more specifically lesbian and ever since till now I think I have used it as a cope out or to hide from my real issues with dealing with myself or anyone and espically rejection from girls and loneliness and dependency of wanting others around more specifically having a love life. I know all that sounds like excuses and maybe so but I just do not want to have this in me and my life and destroy my future espically my relationship with my future wife and marriage bed. I most of all know its keeping me from God and I feel like I cant even pray and when I do I feel like because of all that I have ruin my spiritual life and relationship with God and cant find my way back but I do not want sexual immoral things, lust or impurity or any other sins not just this in me and my future no more but i dont know how to move forward and be free and have a new life that is right. I want to trust and turn to the Lord completely but I dont know if I can let go of what I need to and really let the Lord change me and my life so I can finally be the real me. How do I start over again how do I really make a decision for this and be serious, please pray for me
