;I have suicidal thoughts and I hate them. I know it's demonic attacks and I'm hurting but it's too much. I can't find my cellphone. It's been 5 [6 now] days. The only number I know of people I would talk about real stuff with is my ex. I don't want to contact him. I don't even let myself get emotional over it even though it was my 1st real relationship for 6 months and I left him less than 2 weeks ago. I pray if I ever see him again we're both in heaven but I don't believe he will if he continues like this. I don't know how to grieve. God Bless You
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Monday (Oct. 7), the pastor and two deacons and a deacon's wife came over and prayed with me and over our house as well over the rooms and doorways. My ex-boyfriend participated in Satan worship and witchcraft. He was in my home a lot. He was a false convert and deceived many. The church members came for this reason.
They asked how I was doing.
I said "Good. But that's the default answer. Not the real answer."
I sat there. I knew they expected me to explain but I waited for them to ask for my real answer.
"We want the real answer," one of them said.
I told them I felt down about my ex and I wasn't sure how to feel about it because he hurt me.
The pastor compassionately explained that it's possible to miss memories, the things he said, or the way he made me feel. There was a boy who was nice to me and treated me a certain way that I liked or did nice things for me. It was possible to miss these things as well and that it wasn't my fault.
It's sure easy to think that way. I'm struggling not to contact him. I've made no move to but it is a strong temptation. I've completely blocked him and deleted everything except a few message backups and pictures (again, I can't find my cellphone). I want to call my Godly friends and my aunt-in-Christ (I call her Auntie by choice. It's not something my mother forced) in SC.
I love
Psalm 31. I recommend it as well as Isaiah 41. I did not find these on my own. I believe I found the first by the Holy Spirit in a time of severe need and desperation. The second was told to me by an unknown and questionable spirit in times of trouble but what the enemy means for our harm God works out for our good (if you can find this in the Bible please leave the reference)
13 For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
14 Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob,
little Israel, do not fear,
for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.
Isaiah 41:13-14 NIV
(Read the entire chapter of Psalm 31 not going to quote it)
Links: (NIV)
Psalm 31
Isaiah 41
Jesus loves you
God bless you all
Peace be with you