S
sueandreozzi197
Guest
I guess I should out by saying how sorry I am that I had to do this to you. Putting you through thoughts of knowing how much I want to kill myself. I know it’s considered selfish on my part, there are so many reasons I want do this. I have tried for four years to find a job. I borrowed a lot of money, especially from Brian. I have never felt like the biggest loser in my life until now. I can’t even get a job. I borrowed from Brian probably about 35,000.00, just so I wouldn’t have to sleep on the streets. I did love him very much, not because of the money, but because I just did. To me he was sweet, and loving and caring. When he started with the drugs, he treated me so badly, I lost jobs because I couldn’t concentrate after some of the things he said or did to me. In retrospect, it wasn’t his fault. He had his own problems, and I made things worst without really realizing it. I want nothing but the best for you Brian, and I forgive you.
After Mom died, I kind of lost it. The grieving never stopped and it complicated my already too many problems. Finding someone you love dead is the most horrible thing in life. On top of that, I couldn’t handle watching Bobby, my brother; suffer from cancer or knowing what he went through in while in the Middle East. It was too much for me to handle. I want him to be healed completely; he has a young family who needs him very much.
The hallucinations starting take place. For a while my Zoloft wasn’t working, and that also caused problems at work. When I finally figured out Zoloft wasn’t working for me I went on Prozac, but while I was employed at Bank of America, I was taking them as regularly as I should have and it wasn’t really in my system. Once again, it caused me problems at work. My anxiety disorder, major depression and P.T.S.D. do not help me. Prozac has helped some, but not enough. Lately, I hear people knocking on my door when I wake up, and Thursday at work, 06/28, I saw someone in a blue dress walk past me. I was sitting near the wall – and when I looked to check, no one was there. Later when I was leaving, I heard someone call my name in the parking lot and again no one was there. I have been having hallucinations for a while and too scared to speak up because like mom, I don’t be locked up in some mental facility. I have been to an out- patient program, and lock you in – in every room. It’s like you are in jail only worst because you are with all the violent mental ill people too.
I am scared for my father, he needs to go to confession about the divorce and he needs to return to church. He has become very sad, angry and resentful. Lord, please help him.
Karen and Spud are have marriage problems, because spud is having mental issues and won’t take his medication. I don’t want my sister to get a divorce and I want to see my brother-in- law healed. I also would love for them to go back to church and start going to church.
I have no money, I can’t pay my bills, and my family doesn’t want to help me or can’t help me and I know at least Jane could care less. I am not being a jerk, but she even admitted she did not want me living with her and if I ask her for money, she gets mad like my dad. My father hasn’t really done anything for me. Once he told me that of all his kids, when he asked me what I wanted for my b-day, I was the only one who said either nothing or didn’t have a list. I have given much money to help him out over a period of time and now he won’t help me. Instead, he and his girlfriend make me feel like I just want to live off of other people which are the farthest thing from the truth. I want to work, I want to be independent, and I want to be successful. I want to give to the poor, take care of the sick, and help people in need. In the situation I am in, I can do none of that.
I forgive them all. My brother for bullying me all these years, for Karen calling me fat and being and instigator, for Brian for being a mean junkie, for Jane for not caring and how she treated me at the hospital, and for my father for not really being a father to me. (He took bob and Jane in, but when I wanted to move out, which I asked several times, he wouldn’t help me). He prides himself on being a mean son of a bitch. I hope he realizes that is not going to get him into heaven or even want his family to stand by him.
Lord and Mary, Undoer of Knots, I ask that you help me. This is not self-gratification and I have suffered much. I know they say that the lord only gives what you can handle, but truly I can’t handle it anymore. I very close to wanting to leave permanently. Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
After Mom died, I kind of lost it. The grieving never stopped and it complicated my already too many problems. Finding someone you love dead is the most horrible thing in life. On top of that, I couldn’t handle watching Bobby, my brother; suffer from cancer or knowing what he went through in while in the Middle East. It was too much for me to handle. I want him to be healed completely; he has a young family who needs him very much.
The hallucinations starting take place. For a while my Zoloft wasn’t working, and that also caused problems at work. When I finally figured out Zoloft wasn’t working for me I went on Prozac, but while I was employed at Bank of America, I was taking them as regularly as I should have and it wasn’t really in my system. Once again, it caused me problems at work. My anxiety disorder, major depression and P.T.S.D. do not help me. Prozac has helped some, but not enough. Lately, I hear people knocking on my door when I wake up, and Thursday at work, 06/28, I saw someone in a blue dress walk past me. I was sitting near the wall – and when I looked to check, no one was there. Later when I was leaving, I heard someone call my name in the parking lot and again no one was there. I have been having hallucinations for a while and too scared to speak up because like mom, I don’t be locked up in some mental facility. I have been to an out- patient program, and lock you in – in every room. It’s like you are in jail only worst because you are with all the violent mental ill people too.
I am scared for my father, he needs to go to confession about the divorce and he needs to return to church. He has become very sad, angry and resentful. Lord, please help him.
Karen and Spud are have marriage problems, because spud is having mental issues and won’t take his medication. I don’t want my sister to get a divorce and I want to see my brother-in- law healed. I also would love for them to go back to church and start going to church.
I have no money, I can’t pay my bills, and my family doesn’t want to help me or can’t help me and I know at least Jane could care less. I am not being a jerk, but she even admitted she did not want me living with her and if I ask her for money, she gets mad like my dad. My father hasn’t really done anything for me. Once he told me that of all his kids, when he asked me what I wanted for my b-day, I was the only one who said either nothing or didn’t have a list. I have given much money to help him out over a period of time and now he won’t help me. Instead, he and his girlfriend make me feel like I just want to live off of other people which are the farthest thing from the truth. I want to work, I want to be independent, and I want to be successful. I want to give to the poor, take care of the sick, and help people in need. In the situation I am in, I can do none of that.
I forgive them all. My brother for bullying me all these years, for Karen calling me fat and being and instigator, for Brian for being a mean junkie, for Jane for not caring and how she treated me at the hospital, and for my father for not really being a father to me. (He took bob and Jane in, but when I wanted to move out, which I asked several times, he wouldn’t help me). He prides himself on being a mean son of a bitch. I hope he realizes that is not going to get him into heaven or even want his family to stand by him.
Lord and Mary, Undoer of Knots, I ask that you help me. This is not self-gratification and I have suffered much. I know they say that the lord only gives what you can handle, but truly I can’t handle it anymore. I very close to wanting to leave permanently. Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for me.
