M
MrsTee72
Guest
I feel myself slipping into depression, I feel so numb. All day i can feel the tears swelling up in my eyes ....fighting so hard not to let them fall. Some times i wish I could just disappear. So hard to function daily; disappointment in every area of my life. All of my life I have been surrounded by disappointment after disappointment, this is too much for one person to handle. Sickness in my body. Keep waking up with blood in my mouth, don't know where it is coming from or why. Weird pains through out my body. Went to the emergency room, they did not run any tests. Waisted time and money to find out that they did not know where the bleeding was coming from. My husband still has no job, Had to move out of my home living with relatives, car is not running, over $300 dollars in repairs needed. Second anniversary was this week, stranded, without a dollar spent the day in depression. All my life I suffered female issues but I dealt with it because I wanted children. Practiced abstinence over 15 years, praying and waiting on God to send my husband. Now I am married, about to turn 41, still no babies. All of my siblings have at least 2 kids, I celebrate with them, but in tears at the same time. I am saved, I gave my life to God at 16, I lived cautiously . I don't understand, i am honestly starting to believe that I was ordained to suffer, and if so I would rather not be here. I know that may be the wrong way to think but I am tired. The bible says weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning.......where is my morning??? I can understand hard times sometimes, but 20 years of suffering, Why??? Please pray for me..... Sorry for expressing this way, just need a release...
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