H
heyheyhey
Guest
Why won't God help me? My dad is not making sense in the reason he wants to divorce my mother... it's strange, he won't even tell her why! He doesn't want to see a psychologist or anything, and this has been going on for almost 2 years. My parent's marriage is hanging by a thread. We also have a tight budget... nothing like it used to be, but I have to work for everything that I would like. I feel like I work so hard babysitting, but I always feel like I have to buy everything... We just moved into a new house (because of our financial state), and I had to buy sheets, towels, etc. for my room. It is so difficult because my dad doesn't live with us (he lives overseas), and my mom has to be both parents... This past Sunday, I told my mom I didn't want to go to church because I don't feel like it benefits me. I'm a smart girl, and I hate walking into church hearing, "If you give your life to Christ, you will be saved..." I've heard that at least a thousand times. Who is my mom to tell me which religion I can practice? I wish she would let me learn for myself if I need the message of Christ in my life... She needs to know that I need to grow into the individual I want to be. She blew up (which is SO contradictory to what a "Christ-like" person should be), and she doesn't see if from my perspective. I got my dad's brains (he's so smart, but he's in this weird stage), and it's SO hard to relate to her... or anyone for that fact. I feel like sometimes I'm on a totally different level of thinking than most. I never feel the love of God; I feel like my life is full of pain and sadness. My best friend's mom (my best friend is the only person who gets me) has cancer and is constantly in pain; again, this has been going on for at least 5 years. It's so sad, and I feel like God isn't helping either of us. Yes, I know we go through pains and struggles, but it seriously has gone on for too long. I'm so depressed and sad, and I'm just done with it. I also NEVER feel attractive... I have an awful metabolism, and I just am chunky; I wish I had an amazing metabolism and could eat whatever! It's NOT fair. I SO badly want to become an actress, but I never will have the confidence at this rate! I know God says that we are precious and "princesses" in his eyes, but there is a point where I just want to feel attractive. I'm also so embarrassed of my height. I'm 4 11.5, and I'm 15 (turning 16) soon. I wish God would actually listen and help me. I have never felt more alone in my entire life, and I feel as though nobody can relate. Life is more of a chore now than anything. I feel, too, that I only have one life, and I cannot understand for the life of me, why God won't make it better. Oh, how I would appreciate growing/being attractive/my best friend's mother getting better/my parent's relationship mending back together. (Again, this has been elapsing for 2 years.) I just don't ever feel this outstanding love or happiness God has promised in the Bible. I also am so over the hypocrite Christians. I went to this one church for awhile, but never fit in (as always)... I ended up leaving, and no one has said anything. It's like I'm invisible. I feel like life shouldn't be like this!!! I only have one life, and I want to make it great... but will God ever help me? I don't feel loved nor do I ever feel like the desires of my heart will EVER be fulfilled. I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. I guess I'm writing this to God... God (if you are real) will you help me? I'm asking wholeheartedly... PLEASE!
