MartinB
Disciple of Prayer
It's very complicated but the just of it is that I have a mentor that I met through my church 4 years ago, ### has always been good to me, we both love each other. ### has a sister who is not a believer who is very opinionated and very strong-willed; she suggested 2 years ago that I join the military because her family is military and she feels like it would be the best choice for my life. Well, being young and naive and not really having a strong relationship with Christ, I jumped right into the idea without a second thought. Well, it wasn't so easy because I am 19 with a 5th grade education, so I'm having trouble with the military entry test because I need a certain score. Well, over this long period of time, I have had many signs both positive and negative toward the military idea. Long story short, my heart is not in the military. I know that God has something else planned for me (I think), but it's not as easy as saying no to my mentor. ### has given A LOT for this dream I thought I had: hundreds of dollars in tutoring, gas bills, and a fitness trainer. I can't sleep at night! The day is getting closer and closer for the day that I take my test again. I failed it the first time. I have a place to go if ### gets really upset and puts me out (my mom, who hates the idea of my joining the military). I'm so scared of her reaction if I don't pass, and I'm scared if I do pass because I don't want to join. Although my mentor loves me, she has a lot of deep issues that make me fear what the outcome will be if I tell her my feelings or fail. I'm trying to lean so far into God right now; there's sooooo much more to this very hard puzzle that I can't write it all. Please pray.
