I don't know if it is just me, but it seems that when I was fasting I was strong. I was still missing my H but knowing that God had a plan. but the minute the fast was over everything just broke loose. I got a text Tuesday night from H just saying night. I missed it and when I texted him he was sleep. from there my mind went crazy. I first though that he might have wanted to see me that nigh...t but I missed it. then I started to text and poke around to see if he did miss me then I was so desperate I started to text uncontrollably. I started to try to make him speak to me instead of waiting for God's timing. I know from past experiences that waiting for God is so much more rewarding that pushing, because pushing always leaves me deflated and then I start wondering if he only spoke because I pushed this issue. man Satan knows us so well. I continually forget to peak through the door before I open it. I need to step back when Satan comes knocking. I need to peak first so that I know that this isn't the time for me to go to the door but to Send Jesus instead.
But God. one thing I am glad for is that now that I have a personal relationship with God I know that even when I mess up like I did today, sometimes I may not want to face Jesus, just like with any friend, you know when they have given you advice and you do your thing, they have this look of I told you so, But God I love the fact that he doesn't give me his look od condemnation but opens his arms to me in love. He wraps himself around me and hold me and tell me its ok, next time you will do better. Notice how he doesn't tell me that I will get it right or give me false hopes that it wont happen again. But next time I will do better. and the best thing is that no matter what He is there watching over me.
Also while I was straying off the correct path of His Love, he sent warnings to me. I know I ignored some of them, like the small voice in my head, but he sent a few louder ones. and I thank him for that.
So Father please forgive me for trying once again to fix this situation and searching for peace somewhere out side of you. Father thank you for being right where I need you and sending your angels to guide me. Father keep me this week end and help me to crave you as more that I crave my husbands touch. let me rest in your presence and enjoy this. I will wait for your timing, because I know that it will be much more fulfilling than trying on my own to solve this. and I will not try to tell you how to fix it because you ways are not my ways and your thought are not my thought. you have planted the seed and promise of restoration in my heart, please help me daily to feed it so that it will grow and blossom into the wonderful life that you have for me.
In Jesus Name amen.
But God. one thing I am glad for is that now that I have a personal relationship with God I know that even when I mess up like I did today, sometimes I may not want to face Jesus, just like with any friend, you know when they have given you advice and you do your thing, they have this look of I told you so, But God I love the fact that he doesn't give me his look od condemnation but opens his arms to me in love. He wraps himself around me and hold me and tell me its ok, next time you will do better. Notice how he doesn't tell me that I will get it right or give me false hopes that it wont happen again. But next time I will do better. and the best thing is that no matter what He is there watching over me.
Also while I was straying off the correct path of His Love, he sent warnings to me. I know I ignored some of them, like the small voice in my head, but he sent a few louder ones. and I thank him for that.
So Father please forgive me for trying once again to fix this situation and searching for peace somewhere out side of you. Father thank you for being right where I need you and sending your angels to guide me. Father keep me this week end and help me to crave you as more that I crave my husbands touch. let me rest in your presence and enjoy this. I will wait for your timing, because I know that it will be much more fulfilling than trying on my own to solve this. and I will not try to tell you how to fix it because you ways are not my ways and your thought are not my thought. you have planted the seed and promise of restoration in my heart, please help me daily to feed it so that it will grow and blossom into the wonderful life that you have for me.
In Jesus Name amen.
amen..
