I Can't Handle The Pain And Keep Going On Like This

[kristie]

The following is from a previous conversation with someone who says:

I really can't handle the pain I am feeling from all of this. It's worse then anything I've ever felt in my life. I can't bear to keep going on like this.

You will be rewarded, believe that. God did not bring you this far just to leave you hanging, just to dash your hearts desires. God will give you the greatest desires of your heart, and it is just not His timing yet. He has more to do yet and it could be you, it could be your spouse, it could be both. All you need to stand on is that God is working here and when He has completed the rebuilding that has to be done, He will put it all together. Do not weaken now. It is very wearing, and I know how tired you are, I really know, but just rest in God now, maybe you need to rest now, the battle is Gods not yours, and there comes a point where He just needs us to rest and leave it all in His capable hands.

Do not stand down though, you have come so far, do not let Satan budge you off the rock now. You would be amazed what you can do in the strength of God, just how much you can endure, just seek God for that strength, seek Him for more faith, He will give it to you.

At first it is very hard, and it honestly is probably the hardest because you have yet to gain all the growth. After you obtain the growth and changes in yourself, the stand gets easier, you lose a lot of that pain and wavering in faith, the shakiness and things affecting you emotionally so much. I very much sympathize with those who are hurting, I know that pain personally, and I get very frustrated within myself that I cannot just reach out and do a instant transfer of faith, strength, and power in their stand. The things that I gained, that I could just give it to everyone just like that. But it only comes from the endurance in the stand. It is self earned and gained.

All I can do is tell you about it and try to carry you however I can. God is the one that pulls it up and out of you over the time standing. Our faith is like a rubber band, and God stretches it and stretches it until it is big enough to carry you and everyone else. It just takes as long as it takes in standers. Some are resistant to the stretching, some do not resist and settle in determined that it is just going to take as long as it takes. I have persons who have been standing for five or more years boldly standing up and saying give up? Never! They are dug in. I have those who have responded and said I quit a long time ago, and they only stood for a few months. God does not want anyone to give up, because He does not believe in giving up, if He did, he would have wiped us all out a long time ago and just turned His back on it all. He is training us to be like Him, very large rubber bands of faith. The only way there is time and endurance, we cannot get there any other way. Affliction brings strength and wisdom, there is no other way, because we will not stand still and allow Him to have His way if there is no affliction, we just keep running on in life uncaring.

The true battle is to keep people standing long enough to get there. It is not easy. It sometimes is harder then praying back the prodigals. I also know that those who have sat down will in the future realize that they missed the miracle of God in their lives, and it will plague them worse then the stand ever did. I also know that personally. I do my best to prevent that for everyone, but sometimes I just cant and I have to let them go on to whatever it is they are trying to step into for their lives. I sadly know that they will not find peace and happiness there, and they are probably in many cases stepping into a place much worse then their stand ever thought of being. Because anyplace we step that is outside the word of God leads to the belly of the whale experience. One we run from a calling put upon us by God, we end up like Jonah.

I hope you endure, that you lock into what God says, His promises, and climb upon that rock and stand firm. May God direct your steps at all times so that you always walk the path He has planned for you and no other.

God bless you...

Kristie

 

[tainakite]

that hit home, specially today that my eyes dont stop watering, that my heart is so achy, I just want it to go away... all this pain I mean, all this sorrow, I am so tired today, so tired. I thought today how easy would it be to leg go, but then I know thats not God's will and I comfort myself remembereing that my husband told me this week over the phone he was fasting and praying, thats a miracle in itself.

My head hurts, my eyes are puffy and I dont have words to pray at times, I dont know what to say anymore, I wonder if God is even hears my prayers when I've repeted the same words so many times? His Words... I have prayed for my husband so many times and covered him and my little one that I wondered if I should pray over me or if that would be selfish. Anyways I thank you for your post, I need them. I need God.

 

[restore1]

I know how you feel..but as you said his praying and fasting is a miracle. Please pray Kristie warfare prayer.It lengthy but powerful. This.is a tough walk to walk but remember you are not alone. God be with you.

 

[kwikev]

Kristie,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. The hurt in my life so intense and the wound so new that it is difficult to step out in faith but I am trying with God's help to heal myself and pray peace for my wife. At issue has been unresolved anger outbursts by me. The trigger has been finances as I have struggled for several years with bad choices and poor performance. My income has been pathetic and my employment sporadic as even my performance on the job as suffered.

I have on numerous occasions lashed out at bill collectors and even clerks in public places when things didn't work out the way I would have liked or expectedwith my money. These outbursts have been vile and truly unsocial by any measure. It has scared my wife and she has given me several wake up calls to the danger in our relationship but I have continued to hit the snooze button until it was too late.

She is and was God's gift to me, I have always known that and I am horrified at the way I have hurt her. We have together the two most wonderful boys ever ages 8 and 5. Our house has always dedicated to Joshua 24:15. We are a Christian family active in our church and childrens bible study program, AWANA. My 5 yr asked me to pray with him a few short weeks ago to accept Jesus into his heart and my oldest son did so a couple of years ago. It pains me that I have failed to model Jesus for them in our home in many ways.

I had another outburst last weekend when when disucussing how to resolve some of the financial related trouubles that I have caused with my wife's parents and went out in a huff. When I returned a few hours later my family had left and moved out thier things. My wife has petitioned for divorce and put stringent restriction on any contact or visitations with her or our kids. I have not seen them now for a week and I am hurting badly.

I am seeking counseling help both through our pastors and a secular professional group. Many have suggested that I may have other issues related to mental health and I have set an appointment for an evaulation by my physician and referral to a mental health professional. I am also exicted about a new job interview for next week and the potential to find some relief in that area and stressor.

I am giving this entire issue to God, prepared to wait on him and seek his will. All the while I am praying for a miracle that would restore my family and my relationship with my wife. At the very least this episode has driven me to my knees as my prayer life has always been a struggle for me before, I don't know how to pray. I seek His forgiveness as I forgive my wife. I pray for healing for me and seek His will in the relationship with my wife. I pray for full restoration of the visits and time with our kids. I have sought the prayers of all my friends and church in this matter. I call on God's promise of Mark 10:9.

I ask for help in prayer that peace could come upon my wife and even if she can never forgive or foget the hurt in her heart could be healed. Thank you for your prayers. With God all things are possible.