Glxeilake
Disciple of Prayer
Be kind and no judgements please. I’m F###. So is going to sound really, really stupid and pathetic of me but I’ve seemed to lost all hope. In 20##, I suffered a failed situationship that left me extremely traumatized - I did horrible and sinful things to myself and I attempted suicide 3 times, once where I had to be hospitalized for a week and ended up having to take a leave from uni. With time, I moved on. God is so good to me and I healed completely. Until right now, where I found myself in love with another person that is giving me mixed signals. I’ve been crying for days and getting constant anxiety & panic attacks in fear of reliving my trauma. I know, as I said, this sounds stupid because to some people “it’s just a situationship/heartbreak”, but I was genuinely diagnosed with PTSD by my therapist. In other words, I just want that person to like me back. It’s okay if we end up breaking up later or whatever but I truly love them and would like to experience being loved back at least once in my life. Plus I dread reliving the trauma of loving someone that doesn’t love me back. Again, I’m sorry that this sounds so petty and stupid. But my heart is genuine and my pain is real. There is no peace in my heart and mind. I keep on begging God to not let me relive my trauma, to have mercy on me and spare me the suffering the pain of another one-sided love, to help that person open their heart for me. But God’s answer, for now, seems to be ‘Wait’. But I’m in so much pain. I don’t want to relive my trauma. I might not survive it if it happens again. There is not a single day where I don’t get PTSD flashbacks, panic & anxiety attacks, and cry. I would drop to my knees and scream to God that it hurts, help me, save me, have mercy on me, end my life because this is beyond what I can take. I’ve begun to second-guess if God is even listening to my cries and tears. Please, please pray for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel unworthy of love. I feel like God has abandoned me. Please pray for me. In your prayers, you can call me ###. Thank you.