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[Dexter2020]

I no longer attend church, read the Bible, or pray. After much reflection on my experiences, I chose to leave Christianity and identify as an atheist.

My decision was not made because I simply wanted to rebel or because I did not understand Christianity. It came after repeatedly experiencing what I felt was gaslighting, belittlement, and humiliation within the church. I often found that criticism and personal reduction were presented as “humility,” but to me, it felt like being constantly made smaller and expected to accept it without question. When I raised concerns, I felt that my feelings and experiences were often dismissed or explained away through ideas such as “God’s will.”

I came to believe that some people were using religion to justify human decisions and behaviour. Real choices made by church leaders or members could be presented as God’s will, making them difficult to question. This became especially frustrating when I was facing practical concerns about employment, finances, and my future. Faith and religious advice did not pay my bills or solve these problems, yet I sometimes felt expected to accept hardship quietly rather than have my concerns taken seriously.

I also became uncomfortable with the expectations surrounding church service and ministry. In my experience, voluntary service could sometimes feel like an obligation, with pressure or guilt placed on people who did not want to give their time and energy for free. Calling something “ministry” should not remove a person's freedom to say no.

My experiences also affected how I viewed the church's attitudes towards relationships, marriage, and other people. I felt that there were restrictions and judgments that left little room for personal freedom and genuine human connection. I also observed attitudes and favouritism in certain settings that I found inconsistent and difficult to reconcile with the values that were being preached.

For these reasons, I chose to step away. Becoming an atheist has given me greater freedom to think independently and make decisions based on my own reasoning, values, and evidence rather than accepting religious explanations that I no longer believe.

I do not expect everyone to agree with my decision, and I am not claiming that every Christian or every church is the same. This is my personal experience and my conclusion after what I went through. I have chosen not to continue participating in a religion that, for me, became associated with constant pressure, belittlement, and emotional invalidation.

The church may ask why pews are becoming empty and attendance is declining. I cannot speak for everyone, but my own experience is one possible answer: people may leave when they no longer feel respected, heard, or free to question. People cannot be expected to remain simply out of fear, guilt, obligation, or pressure.

I have made my decision. I left Christianity because I no longer believed in it and because my experiences within the church contributed to the loss of my faith. I now identify as an atheist, and I choose to live my life with the freedom to question, think for myself, and determine my own beliefs and values.

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep hurt and disappointment in what you have shared and we have taken your words seriously before the Lord. We do not take lightly the pain of feeling gaslighted, belittled, humiliated, dismissed, and pressured within a church, and we grieve that your experience left you feeling smaller, unheard, and invalidated rather than built up in love. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18, and He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3. We want to acknowledge that what you felt matters to God and it matters to us as we pray for you.

We also want to gently and lovingly speak truth where we believe your conclusion, though understandable from a place of hurt, has led you away from the very source of healing. People and even churches can fail, misrepresent God, and use spiritual language to justify human decisions, pressure, favoritism, or control, but that does not mean that God Himself has failed or that His Word is untrue. The fact that some have misused ideas like humility or God's will does not make biblical humility or God's true will any less holy. Biblical humility is not constant personal reduction or belittlement, it is considering others better than ourselves in love Philippians 2:3, and shepherds are commanded not to lord it over the flock but to be examples 1 Peter 5:3. Leaders who misuse authority will give an account to God Hebrews 13:17 and James 3:1 warns that teachers will receive heavier judgment. When criticism is presented as humility to make someone feel small without question, that is not the humility Christ modeled, who said Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28.

We understand your frustration that faith did not pay bills or solve practical concerns about employment, finances, and the future, and that being told to quietly accept hardship felt like dismissal. God does not dismiss our practical needs. He cares about them deeply and invites us to bring them to Him. My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:19, and Jesus taught us not to be anxious but to seek first God's Kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well Matthew 6:33. That does not mean hardship disappears, but it means God is not distant from our daily struggles and He does not ask us to suffer silently without being heard. He invites us to reason with Him Come now, and let us reason together says Yahweh Isaiah 1:18, and If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach James 1:5. True faith welcomes honest questions, even the Psalms are full of lament and questioning, and God is not threatened by them.

Regarding service and ministry, you are right that voluntary service should remain voluntary. Scripture is clear that Each man should give as he has determined in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver 2 Corinthians 9:7. When service is turned into guilt or pressure, that is a distortion of the gospel, not the gospel itself. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men Colossians 3:23 is a joyful offering, not a coerced obligation, and no one should be shamed for saying no when they need rest or boundaries.

You have said you no longer attend church, read the Bible, or pray and now identify as an atheist, finding greater freedom to think independently. We must lovingly rebuke the idea that true freedom is found apart from God. Jesus said You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free John 8:32 and If therefore the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed John 8:36. Atheism may feel like freedom from pressure and control, but it cannot free us from sin, guilt, death, or the need for forgiveness, and it leaves the deepest questions of meaning, morality, and eternity unanswered. For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God Romans 3:23 and For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 6:23. We cannot save ourselves by our own reasoning, values, or evidence, for by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, that no one would boast Ephesians 2:8-9.

We notice you did not mention Jesus Christ in your request, and we must lovingly say that it is only through Jesus that we have access to God and hope beyond hurt. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6 and There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. Your hurt is real and the failures of people are real, but leaving Christ because people failed you allows those people to determine your eternal future. God Himself never gaslights, never belittles, and never humiliates His children. He is patient, compassionate, and full of mercy Psalm 103:8.

We do not excuse any church that made you feel disrespected, unheard, or unable to question. At the same time we urge you not to close the door on the Lord Himself because of what others did. Empty pews are not only a question for churches to consider, but a call for each of us to return to the Lord Himself who remains faithful even when people are not 2 Timothy 2:13.

We are praying together for you now.

Father in heaven, we lift this precious person to You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who died and rose again so that we might be forgiven and reconciled to You. You see every wound, every moment of belittlement and dismissal, every tear and every practical burden about work and finances and the future. We ask You to reveal Yourself as You truly are, not as You were misrepresented, as a Father who is near, who listens, who does not despise a broken and contrite heart Psalm 51:17. Lord, we ask You to heal the hurt caused by those who misused Your name and Your Word, and to show this dear one that Your will is good and perfect and loving Romans 12:2, not a tool for control. Draw this heart back to Yourself, open eyes to see that true freedom and independent thought find their fullest meaning in knowing the Truth, Jesus Christ. Grant faith to believe that if we confess with our mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in our heart that God raised him from the dead, we will be saved Romans 10:9, and that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved Romans 10:13. Lead to a healthy fellowship where Your Word is taught faithfully and where grace and truth dwell together, and provide for every practical need according to Your riches. We ask that You would not let hurt have the final word, but that Your love and mercy would. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray, amen.

We encourage you to consider opening the Bible again, even in a small way, perhaps in the Gospel of John or the Psalms, and to speak honestly to God as you are, even with doubts and questions. Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you Matthew 7:7. He is still listening, He still invites you, and He still offers forgiveness, rest, and new life through Jesus alone. We will continue to pray that you find not pressure or guilt, but the genuine love and freedom that only Christ can give.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and clearly. We hear how much weight you have been carrying, and how painful it was to feel belittled, dismissed, and pressured in a place where you hoped to be respected and heard. When concerns about work, finances, and your future were explained away instead of taken seriously, and when saying no felt like it came with guilt, it makes sense that you would step back to find breathing room and freedom to think for yourself.

We respect that you have made a considered decision and that you are not looking for a debate. We are not here to argue with you or talk you out of what you have concluded. We do want to acknowledge the hurt you described. No one should be made to feel smaller in order to belong, and being able to question and to set boundaries around your time and energy matters.

If the practical pressures around employment and finances are still present, it can be steadying to have one safe person to talk them through with, someone who will listen without pressure or quick explanations and help you sort next steps at your own pace, whether that is a trusted mentor, counselor, or community resource. We will keep that part of your life in prayer along with your healing.

Father, we lift this person to You in Jesus' name. You see the experiences that led to this decision and the hurt that remains. We ask You to bring healing where there has been humiliation, to restore a sense of dignity and worth, and to provide wisdom, provision, and respectful community as they navigate work and the future. Give peace in place of pressure and guide each step forward with kindness and truth. Amen.

 

[Zedekiah]

You exercise your right to not be a Christian because you feel like you're being forced to be a Christian. Okay. You are not forced to be a Christian so don't be but we are voluntarily submitting our lives to God in spite of humiliation. Disability. Pain. Chronic illness. Homelessness. Griefs. Cancers. And hardships. Who need God more than ever. So you leave God behind and see how well that works out. And come back when you realize that there really is no such thing as a choice. It only begins as free will and then free will runs out. Then we have to have God and there's no more free will anymore. We submit our free will to a higher will. If you're not ready for that then maybe you should go.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your words have been read with sorrow and with earnest prayer, and I thank you for speaking so plainly of what you have endured. I do not set aside your testimony of hurt. To be belittled, to be made to feel small under the name of humility, to have honest questions and practical burdens about work and provision answered only with dismissal, is a grievous wrong. When men take their own decisions and cover them with the claim that it is God's will, they misuse a holy name, and when service which should be freely given is pressed upon the conscience by guilt or pressure, the freedom of the soul is wounded. That you felt unheard and not respected is a cause for mourning, not for argument.

Yet I must gently draw a distinction which I pray you will consider. The failures of men, even of those who bear the name of Christian, are not the measure of Christ Himself. Men may be harsh, but the Lord is tender. Men may use religion to justify themselves, but God needs no justification and will not be made a cloak for unkindness. If you have seen inconsistency and favouritism where you should have seen love, that is not proof that the gospel is untrue, but that men have not lived it as they ought.

You say you have left the faith and now walk another way, and you have done so with deliberation. I cannot call that way good, nor can I ask God to bless a turning from Himself, for there is but one hope for sinners, and that is in Jesus Christ alone. To affirm what would keep you from Him would be no kindness to your soul. What I can do, and what I do with all my heart, is to tell you what God Himself has said, that there is forgiveness with Him.

Scripture saith, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. This is a divine forgiveness, not the forgiveness of a priest or a congregation, but of God Himself. It is a surprising forgiveness, so free and so great that it seems to surprise even the heavens that such sins should be remitted. It is a complete forgiveness, as when a creditor says to one who has nothing to pay, the whole debt is nailed to the cross and the tally destroyed. And it is a present forgiveness, to be had now, at this moment, whether a man be old or young, whether his sins be many or few. If you have been the chief of sinners, there is forgiveness for the chief of sinners, and God can bestow it now.

This forgiveness is not offered upon hard conditions of our own making. To the repenting and believing sinner the gospel gives absolute pardon. Do as Luther did when in dark distress a brother said to him, Do you not say in the Creed, I believe in the forgiveness of sins? Now believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself. The gifts and calling of God are without repentance. He never plays fast and loose with men. Whom He pardons He pardons eternally, and with that pardon He brings healing, for healing and forgiveness are placed in happy conjunction, and the leaves of the tree of life are for the healing of the nations.

I do not write to press you with guilt or to bind you again with obligation. The Lord who bore our sins does not ask for forced service. He invites the weary and heavy laden to come and find rest. Your questions, your need to think and to seek, are not despised by Him who said, Come now and let us reason together. True freedom is not found in standing apart from Him, but in being set free by Him, and then saying from love, I will serve Him all my days.

I will pray for you, not that you may be confirmed in a path away from God, but that you may yet see the sweetness of Christ, who is made bitter to us by our sin that He may become sweet to us in His mercy. If you ever desire to speak again, to question, to be heard without being diminished, my door and my prayers are open. May the Lord show you that where the offence abounded, there also grace doth much more abound, and that there is still forgiveness with Him, that He may be feared and loved.

 

[Nyfre]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.