broken winged
Humble Prayer Warrior
I am screaming inside because of disappointment, disillusion, and despair due to the unchanging behavior of my eldest son. I have been through financially crippling HELL to get him home after a month and a week only to be welcomed by his hatred and disrespect. I am again NOT sleeping due to his decision to walk out of the home and go wherever he feels fit. I am at a loss so early in. I refused to allow him to charge his cell phone by shutting off the breaker to his room as punishment for coming home late every day since his return. He continues to feel entitled due to his punishment for his actions granted by the judge and blaming me for his punishment in general, STILL taking NO responsibility for his hand in all that has happened. I cry out to you, Father, for I have no one. I am struggling to put food on the table, pay bills, and keep a home over our heads. Unable to complete community service due to lack of sleep and all that entails my son. I am truly at my wits' end and can't breathe. I know not what else to do and know not how to deal with everything. Am I to lose all? I need your consolation and guidance ever more, Father. Your protection, mercy, and love. Deliverance from all of this. I do not want to lose my life or family behind all that I cannot control. Is there a way to liberate myself from my son without giving up his custody to the state? He refuses to cooperate or comply with any of what we were at accord on paper. What do I do when he does not desire to be home... period? Many questions run through my thoughts with NO resolve. HELP ME, Father, for I am truly lost and cannot see the way. I am to begin training so that I may return to work so that I may offer my children a better home and in general life. I do not know what tomorrow holds for this to be realized now; am I to be hindered yet again? Lose a FREE opportunity again by what I cannot control? When will I be the author of my own future again? I am suffering and can do nothing to change this reality? Why does this wait and storm have to be so vague and difficult? Are we truly on the losing end here? Father, please bring us peace, calm, still, quiet, and deliverance. In Jesus Christ's name... Amen.
