I am free & forgiven

[Loveisall26]

There are times where I feel this heavy wave of hatred towards myself. Guilty of all my poor choices and the people who were hurt because of me. It’s nights like this that makes me wonder why am I going through these horrific times? I feel great heaviness. A moment I took to bow to the ground and cry to God. A soft reminder later through a devotional online… You are forgiven and free. How many times can I say, thank you Jesus for your everlasting compassion in my life. Thank you for always helping me and reassuring me even when I am struggling in my walk of faith in this season. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore Jesus’s, it’s not that. I just tend to get hard on myself a lot. And I struggle with understanding and the need to be soft and kinder to myself. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to open up and come to you with many burdens. Thank you for always reminding me that you love me and that nothing has ever changed between you and the endless love for humanity. Many and even my self have fallen short and even considered… religious belief affects us badly. But I am wrong. Jesus you are the answer to my life, you’ve always been. You held me through all my suicide attempts. You carried me safely through my addiction, you protected me in prison. You saved my life when someone almost tried killing me. You gave me grace and forgiveness despite my wrongdoings. You reassure me everytime that everything is okay, that I have been forgiven and free from the devil scheme and his chains. But yet how dare I doubt that you aren’t present in my life. You most certainly are there for me Jesus, and I thank you. And if someone reads this one day and thinks that Jesus is a lie.. Well I beg to differ that indeed Jesus saved my life. And tonight he reminded of the most greatest things of all. Love… The love he share is beyond one’s understanding. If a human heard me ramble about this they would bash me or ignore me. But you love me and every detail of it. And tap my shoulder & remind me.. “###, I am here and I did not ever make you doubt who you are in me. For you are indeed forgiven and free” I didn’t deserve your mercy Jesus, but yet you are here for everyone and give every creation a chance for growth, love and peace. Thank you Jesus for what you do in my life Yahweh. Just know Jesus never gets tired and he never teaches us to doubt his love. He always stays the same P.S. I am not really asking for a specific prayer, honestly. Although I do appreciate a prayer I just wanted to share with you today/tonight a beautiful testimony of how Jesus always stays the same. But if you want to pray for me and my family we appreciate you all for that.

 

[Articles]

We are so thankful you took the time to bow to the ground and cry out to God and then to share this beautiful testimony with us, and we rejoice with you in what the Lord has done. We hear the heaviness you described, that wave of self-hatred and guilt over poor choices and the hurt caused to others, and the wondering why you must walk through such horrific times, and we also hear the soft reminder He gave you that you are forgiven and free. That is the very heart of the gospel.

We want to gently encourage you about being so hard on yourself. There is a difference between the conviction of the Holy Spirit which leads us to repentance, and the condemnation and accusation of the enemy which leads us to self-hatred and despair. When we confess our sins, God does not keep bringing them up to shame us. 1 John 1:9 says If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Psalm 103:12 says As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Romans 8:1 says There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. And 1 John 3:20 reminds us that if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. The hatred you feel toward yourself is not from Him. He corrects us because He loves us, but He also calls us to be kind and tenderhearted, and to receive His mercy and learn to extend that same mercy to ourselves as His redeemed children.

We thank God with you that you can say Jesus saved your life. You mentioned He held you through suicide attempts, carried you through addiction, protected you in prison, and saved you when someone tried to take your life. That is His everlasting compassion and His power to deliver. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 107:13-14 says Then they cried to Yahweh in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their bonds in sunder. Lamentations 3:22-23 says It is because of Yahweh's loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassion doesn't fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. You did not deserve His mercy, none of us do, but Ephesians 2:8-9 says by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, that no one would boast. And 2 Corinthians 5:17 says Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new.

You are right that Jesus never gets tired and He never teaches us to doubt His love. Isaiah 40:28 says He will not faint nor be weary. Romans 8:38-39 says For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. And John 8:36 says If therefore the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. You are indeed forgiven and free, not because your feelings always say so, but because His blood says so.

We love that you want to be softer and kinder to yourself. That is part of walking in His grace. As we learn to love Him with all our heart, we also learn to see ourselves as He sees us, washed, beloved, and held. Continue to come to Him with every burden just as you did on your knees that night. Hebrews 4:16 says Let us therefore draw near with boldness to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace for help in time of need. And Philippians 4:6-7 says In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

We join our faith with yours now and pray together.

Father, we thank You for this dear one who is forgiven and free in Christ Jesus. We thank You for Your everlasting compassion that held them through suicide attempts, through addiction, through prison, and through the moment when their life was almost taken. We thank You that You are the answer, that You have never left them, and that Your love has never changed. Lord, we ask You to lift this heaviness and this wave of self-hatred. Help them to fully receive Your forgiveness and to walk in the freedom Your Son purchased on the cross. Teach them to be gentle with themselves as You are gentle with them, to replace condemnation with Your truth, and to be renewed daily by Your mercies. Guard their heart and mind with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Strengthen their walk of faith in this season, keep them close to You, and let their testimony be a light to anyone who reads it and wonders if Jesus is real, that they would see You are alive and mighty to save. We lift their family to You as well, ask Your protection, grace, and peace over each one, and that Your love would fill their home. Keep them all in Your hands and lead them in Your will. We pray all of this in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our hope and our salvation, amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We are so thankful you shared this testimony with us, and we want to pause first with care for you. If you ever feel in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com, you are not alone and trained people are ready to help right now.

Thank you for letting us hear both the heaviness and the hope in your story. We hear how real that wave of self-hatred and guilt can feel at night, even while you know deep down that you are forgiven and free in Jesus. It makes sense that you would still be hard on yourself after all you have walked through, addiction, prison, attempts on your life, and that learning to be softer and kinder to yourself feels like a struggle.

What you described is something many believers experience, making a settled decision that Christ has forgiven us, while our emotions take longer to catch up. That gap does not mean your faith is failing. It just means healing is still unfolding, and it helps to have people walking with you in it.

When that heaviness comes, it can help to have one safe person or counselor or pastor you can reach out to in that moment, not just after, alongside prayer. If those feelings get intense, please keep reaching out for support right away.

We are praying for you and your family.

Jesus, thank You for holding this dear one through every hard season and for reminding them they are forgiven and free. Quiet the harsh thoughts with Your steady love, teach them to be gentle with themselves as You are gentle with them, and keep drawing them and their family close to You. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your testimony has come as a precious sound, and I thank our gracious God for it. To bow to the ground and cry to God in heaviness, and then to hear that soft reminder, You are forgiven and free, is to know the very mercy of which the Psalmist sings, There is forgiveness with thee.

Do you tremble and shake for fear, and with a penitent heart desire forgiveness. Then hear this assurance, for it is a divine forgiveness. Thus saith the Lord, I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. It is not because your tears were many or your prayers were fine, but for His own sake, for the sake of Christ who died, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God. If you have been the chief of sinners, you may have the chief of sinners forgiveness, and God can bestow it now. The amount of guilt is put entirely out of consideration, seeing that God forgives not on account of the sinner, but for His own name and for the merit of His Son alone.

And how complete is this forgiveness. There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. Where there is no condemnation there is no wrath, no guilt, no punishment, but on the contrary there is acceptance, favor and bliss. Your guilt that condemned you has been carried away by your great Substitute and Lord. He not only forgave you at the first all your sins, but He continues daily to forgive, for the act of forgiveness is a continuous one, and this forgiveness which God has given us for Christs sake is an eternal forgiveness. The gifts and calling of God are without repentance. He never plays fast and loose with men. He drowns all the hosts of sin in the depths of the sea and the whole of your guilt is swallowed up forever.

You speak of that heavy wave of hatred toward yourself and of being hard upon yourself. There is a lowly estimate of ourselves which endears Christ to the heart as the great Savior of unworthy ones, yet you must not suffer the grim ogres of despair to drive you to self condemnation that denies the blood. When guilt is taken away, blessedness is bestowed, and the work of the Spirit is linked with the work of the Son, when the Son removes guilt, the Spirit removes guile and works a change of nature. Let this whisper drive away despair. There is forgiveness. There is forgiveness with Him, at this moment, whatever your past has been, through prison and addiction and the very gates of death. You are anxious to run away from Him, but that is where the forgiveness is, with God. Where the offense went, from that very place the forgiveness comes.

Do as you have done, believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself. If you can truly say, I hide in Christ, then this word plays sweeter music than ever fell from angel lips. You did not deserve His mercy, none of us did, yet He says, There is forgiveness, and He sets the door wide open. Jesus never gets tired and He never teaches us to doubt His love. He always stays the same, our full and perfect Savior.

I will pray for you and for your family as you have asked. May the Lord keep you in this season of struggle, and may the Holy Spirit apply these truths with power to your soul, that you may not persevere in self deception nor in hopeless heaviness, but may know yourself forgiven and free indeed, and may walk after the Spirit with a tender conscience and a quiet heart. May He who held you through every attempt upon your life, and carried you through addiction and prison, and delivered you from the hand of violence, hold you still, and cause you to sing how loud ought I to sing, seeing I am out of hell and delivered from condemnation. May His love, which is beyond understanding, be your daily reassurance that you are His, and that nothing has changed between you and Him, for His love and His forgiveness endure forever through Jesus Christ our Lord.

 

[Violetblue]

Praying for you that our Lord lifts the hatred you feel towards your own self, allowing you to be kinder to yourself and forgive yourself. You have already taken a huge step in recognizing your past poor choices have affected others. This is how we learn to better ourselves. There is good to come from your past experiences, the Lord has given you Grace and the opportunity to reach out and help others.
Praying that you will be better to yourself knowing that our Lord has forgiven you, is merciful and compassionate; please allow this to reflect back upon you.
Prayers in the name of Jesus.

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.